


In another world

by AYG (DoingHerBest)



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: At Long Last, Depression, Deviates From Canon, F/F, F/M, FINALLY !!!, FINALLY :, Fade Shenanigans, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Meta, Modern Girl in Thedas, NaNoWriMo, Recovery, Video & Computer Games, accidental strong language, all the depression ever, enemies to helpless kitten, lots of depression, nothing was planned, self-care
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-01-25 15:31:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 51,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12535048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoingHerBest/pseuds/AYG
Summary: I randomly slammed my head over my keyboard and the weirdest Solas/modern girl in thedas banter stuff started happening? And then it had Leliana, and then it had twice the angst, and then it went meta. I love it.





	1. Hello

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beginning is a bit difficult, I know, bear with me

Cold, cold, seizing fingertips and knees. Itching, numbing, crushing the whole self in the sleep she was reluctantly holding onto. Cold is a bother, it makes it difficult to indulge in the moment, cold made her sad and restless, probably because of survival instincts. She was always doing poorly in winter, clutching blankets desperately and trying to gather the whole of her warmth, but it would take hours to just get enough of it to be able to peacefully doze away. Conversely she was never peaceful when her body was cold, so she finally stretched an arm looking for wherever the fabric had gone to, but there was no trace of it. Instead she could only feel more cold, hands too numb to figure out that it was snow on touch alone. So she opened an eye and two.

_**Ka-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM** _

A green flash welcomed her waking. This was not home, she was not home. What time was it, what day ? Where ? It had definitely not been winter yet, nor were there mountains in her region. She had gone asleep in her own room so someone had got into her place and dragged her all the way there ? Why would anyone even do this. Was this an attempt to dispose of her ? Who ? Were the bullies from middle school still not over it a decade later ? Was her family done with her ? Was this punishment for not being a functionnal adult ? She had no relationships whatsoever so it was hard to remember of anyone hating her enough to bother sending her to someplace. To her death. Looking at herself, her pajamas were doing their best to shelter her from the frost but it was just everywhere. Even her long hair was hardened in shining ice locks. It was probably a miracle her eyes weren’t… done for yet. She remembered this movie she had randomly watched on TV when she was way too young : people went stuck in a mountain and slowly lost their limbs dead to the snow. It was horrifying. If the same thing were to happen to her right now, she wished she wouldn’t have woken up at all.

She figured out she could still move. She couldn’t just possibly… Wait for her end just like that, right ? She hesitated because her spot on the ground had grown a bit warmer than the freezing air, obviously.

So that was it. She spotted a cave nearby and proceeded to drag herself in its direction. It was hard to move at all. Did she have any regrets ? She looked back on her small life but there was nothing to see. She didn’t do anything. Just went through life the way the adults had told her to : wake up, go to school, do homework, graduate. Before she knew it she collapsed into college and was thrown out of society for good, barely kept alive by whatever allowances social workers had managed. She had rarely seen herself as anything else than a waste of oxygen. She didn’t even have any hobby, she wasn’t doing anything at all off her lifespan. Some very rare times she could gather the will to play a videogame for a few hours. She remembered buying the sequel of this RPG she liked the previous week but she would obviously never be able to play it anymore.

As she reached the cave, she silently apologized to everyone who ever had to go through the pain of dealing with her ever. The teachers worrying about her empty list of future prospects, the parents desperate as to enlist her for whatever activity that might get her out of her constant daze, unsuccessfuly. The doctors who had to produce whatever certificate over her inability to exist, the other broken people she had encountered over the internet and had shared a few messages occasionally. Something in the cave interrupted these thoughts. A hooded figure, black fabric, curled up against the rock. She paused in her slow tracks. Even here, she would be a nuisance to this person who had claimed the shelter first.

They said nothing. Didn’t move. Kept staring at the ground. As she couldn’t move her legs any further, she just sat on the spot. Whatever. She thought about that movie, soon her feet would turn black and be lost for good, and her whole body would follow. At least it was probably not going to hurt. She was about to uncover the truth about the afterlife. She hoped there wasn’t any more bullshit to deal with after this. Twenty five years would be enough. She couldn’t even think about any way to keep her mind busy for eternity, she wouldn’t bear it, as going through the simple days had already been a challenge in itself. Sometimes she would give up and just stay in bed for thirty hours straight. So she wished for no more existing altogether. She would just take space and energy for nothing all over again.

When she couldn’t feel the cold anymore, she managed to fall back asleep, which was probably the End. She who had been scared of dying was surprisingly too tired for emotions in her last moments.

The despair demon spacing out a few meters away didn’t even bother.

At some point, the lifeless body was found by a team of scouts. Intrigued by the weird outfit, they first assumed she had succumbed to the demon nearby before finding out that she was not dead just yet. That cave was a very fine place to watch the surroundings so they established camp and ignited a fire next to her to warm her body back slowly. The amount of damage it had undergone still unknown. Eventually they sent her still asleep, rolled in blankets, to camp with other injured, where healers could get a more relevant look at them.

* * *

Living hadn’t been so bad. Thanks to the internet there were always new things to see, provided by an infinite crowd of passionate creators, artists, writers, professionals or not. The global internet neutrality of the time allowed enjoying it all for as long as the cables would manage and as long as electricity was running. The weekly, sometimes bi-weekly journey to the convenience store granted sustaining, the outside world was at relative peace even if it was far from ideal – there were huge protests every now and then – but nothing was giving her trouble anymore. It was only her own mind that was plaguing her whole existence. There was some chance that she would get over it eventually, all she could do was patiently wait for the right time to come. She knew the theory well, but in the end, over fifteen years later, she was still stuck in that place with things barely changed.

_I am sorry, little me from middle school, you were right : nothing changed. I am still the worthless trash._

Some scenery started to appear, a memory from that time, long ago, when she was writing her sorrow out in yet another diary. One day, the mother had « found it in her own room » and read a good chunk before storming to her side to yell at her for scribbling that selfish shit. She never wrote in a diary ever again and burnt every last one she could dig up from the usual mess.

« Hello »

Without averting her eyes from the small pile of burning paper, she somehow could see this person drawing near. Dreams had this weird way of dealing with perceptions. It somehow always made sense in the moment but it was impossible to explain upon waking.

« Hey. »

« I’ve never seen such an environment, where is this ? »

She truly looked at them, a tall elf person dressed as in fantasy. Characters were her only friends, alright, but she couldn’t remember this one. Whatever, it had to come some faraway spot of her brain. She’d looked up how scientists thought dreams were working, and she decided to believe that the brain was dealing with neuronal connections and the images brought to life were making as much sense as it could put together, but ultimately it was just all random and had no sense to it. Still it was rare anyone would talk to her in these places. She was ever so lonely, even sleeping.

 _Home I guess._ « Parents’. » She picked the embers distractly with a stick. « Where are you from ? »

« Thedas. » They answered as specifically.

« Mmmh. » She looked down to the little flames taking another part of her sad childhood away. « Ha, Dragon Age, was it ? THE-Dragon-Age-Setting, yes. ‘Sbeen years. I liked it. So much lore. »

A part of the place changed to another room, a PS3 playing Origins on a screen. A controller in her hand, she moved the character around what appeared to be the Circle tower of Magi in Ferelden. It had been a very long quest, she remembered.

« My favourite thing was playing stealthy rogue because sometimes you could just trick the code in such awful ways. One day I avoided a scripted fight that was too hard for me even on easy mode, by running by the walls in shadow mode, good times. »

He was used to talking with spirits, and the elven language was a cypher on its own but this, coupled with the unknown contraptions all over the place and the very foreign various clothes on display was something entirely different. He struggled to keep up.

« You don’t look like a rogue ? »

« Me ? » her hands dropped the small controller in a small /tunk/. « I am nothing. » She realised then. « Wait, I was dying back there. I wonder if it’s done yet. » Sigh

« You are very much not dead I assure you. »

« Heh. »

The elf bent over to look at the screen. The bad graphics were weirding him out. « Can you… possess them ? » He picked up the controller. « With this ? How does this work ? »

« It’s just characters in a game, they’re waiting for inputs. They’re not alive. »

He narrowed his eyes. Unsure of what to do with that. « Which magic is this. »

She laughed at that. « You’re not real you wouldn’t understand. People found a way to trick electricity into doing all kinds of electronic stuff. The world is all about that now. » She sat on her bed, and tucked a giant bear under her arms. « Been told of how poorly planned was the transition. It’s been throwing the whole administration in fire with the order to ‘get used to it’ regardless of any consequence whatsoever and there are huge issues in every corner now. But on the bright side, the two last generations have been able to enjoy new things as well. New places to escape to. » She was rambling unpurposely, as none of it mattered anyway.

He gave up on understanding most of it. « You escape by controlling corpses with electricity ? »

She felt sorry for him. « I was going for STEM in college but I failed miserably. I could have been able to explain better, in another world… But heh, your middle-aged fantasy culture is probably too far to grasp that anyway. »

He was not sure if this was supposed to be an insult nor to whom it was destined. Everything was way too confusing even to him. There were several possibilities, one of them being that she was unstable in her mind and had a very odd and intense imagination to go with it.

« May I try this ? » the game.

« Sure. I’ll explain as you go. »


	2. Slept well ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's on !!!

« So. »

« Yes. »

« These _people_. Allistair, Morrigan, Leliana and the Warden that you  named (???) Narah, have wandered through the Circle of Magi and encountered a _Sloth demon_ at the top, then they were sent to the _f_ _ade_. »

« This is what just happened. »

The pictures were looking a bit strange BUT it was nonetheless without a doubt the same events he had watched himself during his own slumber. If this right there was all coming from her mind, just how much did she know about the world ? And how ? Everything was way too delailed, way too accurate. Moreover, very few people knew of the Witch of the Wilds or the Hero of Ferelden by first name.

The edges of the place were starting to fade out, so their time was over. He got up and took a last solid glance at her face. She was somewhere in that town and he would not let her escape his grasp. Not before he’d figure her out well and throughout. Depending on how much she knew, his plans might be in serious danger after all. Or so he thought, but he was dragged out of Haven by the Seeker upon waking. The sun was already high in the sky, a sign that he’d passed way more time than expected with that girl. He cursed silently. He hadn’t even thought about asking for a name.

The girl, meanwhile, sat up in her bedroll among dozens of similar bedrolls over the floor. First thing, she was relieved upon feeling her whole body respond to commands fine. Then she wondered about her surroundings. Most likely a church. It made some sort of sense, but why were there so many injured people next to her ? What happened ? Was she not the only abducted person in the area ? Or, wait a minute, was this some sort of cult that had precisely abducted people in the first place ? This was getting very shady real fast.

The religious persons that entered her view were definitely unusual. And chanting songs, it was SCREAMING cult. What next, would they get enrolled by force, or blood sacrifices ? Or were they hostages of some weird cause ? She fell back in lying position. There were weird armoured soldiers in the view as well, it would probably be hard to escape from the place.

Maybe they could just all be in the middle of a big roleplay party in the wilds and everything was actually all good and well ? Because why would anyone bother with swords when you could have guns and stuff to subjugate your hostages. Well you never know with cults anyways. SIGH. Why wasn’t she in her bed anymore.

_Just don’t tell me someone sold me into this._

She then met eyes with a beautiful redhaired, hooded in purples and chainmails. Her face was familiar somehow. Another person, clad in gold, addressed her.

« Leliana, do you have a minute ? »

The girl sat back up again, which of course didn’t go unnoticed, the woman gave a last sideglance before entering the other room. That was the moment she started picking on all the signs : the chant of light, mentions of Haven, tapestries of the Chantry, the outfits and weapons.

This all was dragon age related ! So what, a cult of dragon age fans, or hardcore roleplayers on a meet up ? Maybe she could manage her way out thanks to her own knowledge ?

But a way out to where… ? She wondered as chantry sisters were passing down food rations. She asked the person next to her, that she assumed could be another victim.

« Where are we ? »

« They brought us to Haven after the Temple of Sacred Ashes exploded right in the middle of the Conclave, I was told ! Divine Justinia is dead and the sky is falling ! Maker preserve us all from the demons army. » They started crying.

O.kay. That was the scenario ongoing. The end-of-the-world shenanigans sounded painfully like the shady cult option again. A Dragon Age themed cult though ? Maybe, just, maybe, there would be a way to fit in if they didn’t plan for her death just yet. Because how bad could it actually turn out ? The cosplays were A+.

When she was bored out of her bedroll for good, she stood up. Upon the absence of reaction from anyone ever, she started simply walking around. Obviously she was the only one in pajamas at all. Everyone was in total roleplay and she felt a bit bad for breaking the atmosphere, so she picked up a blanket and put it all over herself to hide, just a bit.

Surprisingly, nobody reacted even on her leaving the building.

Outside was the unrelenting snow rage of the Frostback mountains, as it would be if this were truly Haven. It was surprising to see how many people were involved into this : the town was bustling with hundreds of people. There were elves, humans, a few dwarves, the whole cast. The realism was impressive, and most of all, just every single person around was fit. Exactly, the only chub around was her own. _Bleh_.

Soon a commotion started at the gates of the chantry. Two factions facing one another. Suddenly, whoosh, a FIRE BALL was thrown at a soldier who blocked it with a shield and replied by throwing some light at them, which apparently stunned them. Both sides were about to jump at one another before someone interjected.

She managed to grasp that this one was supposed to be Cullen over the sound of her brain going _HOW DID THEY JUST DO THAT ?_ There was a trick, right ? Technology sure was able to pull out some sick things nowadays, right ? Yeah. But from the hill, a fight in the mountain nearby caught to her attention, and these things were definitely not human at all. This is when the [Demon army] thing sank in.

What if.

She turned around slowly.

What if all of it was real.

Heh, funny thing : she was dead and some force had her sent into her favourite fictional world to spend her afterlife at ? She looked in the distance and made out dozens of other demon forms beside huge spots of green lights floating around.

_Okay, test, maybe I can control it._

She wished for a halla to appear in front of her but was only met with icy wind picking at her ankles. Moreover, she was pushed aside by some iron dude, and this was the moment she looked up and noticed the breach hovering.

 _Okay_ , she thought. _Okay. This is not reality._

The real sky wasn’t a thing to get holes casually pierced in. It was blue within the day because of the oxygen, but otherwise it was just a wide wide void all the way to the other moons and stars. Wait, Thedas had two moons right ? This would be an easy telling, but it was unfortunately way too cloudy to rely on this for now. So she kept it in a remote corner of her mind. _This_ would be the definite proof.

She wandered through the small streets. She wasn’t sure whether Haven was bigger or smaller than the game depictions. She felt a bit stupid to think about that as she couldn’t still be … _that_ sure. Despite the rocks floating still in the green hurricane of the sky… Okay she was _a bit_ convinced no matter what.

If this was all a prank, she thought, it is so damn well done. She would be the laughing stock of the whole internet forever certainly, she would die as a meme for sure, but the Thedasian experience was worth all of it.

Her way crossed mages setting fire glyphs on fabric and templars practicing swords and spells, along with baskets of actual real elfroot. Evidences.

She thought back of Leliana all of a sudden. It was… _her_. And Cullen, even though he was way beyond recognition, as usual per his models. She suddenly stopped by a fire.

Okay, Thedas was exciting and stuff. But it was also the land of the darkspawn and all kinds of dangers. Her characters had died countless times in her playthroughs, maybe even more than the average playerbase, because she was not that good at gaming (nor was she at anything except brooding helplessly). She was dead, right ? But she was dreading for her life nonetheless, which was very new to her. Most of all, she was terrified of getting hurt. The obvious chaos that was playing all around the wooden walls of the town was in no way any comforting.

« Slept well ? »

She gazed up to meet a tall elf person, the first one to address her yet. He was only answered with an agonized stare.

« Acquaitance of yours, Chuckles ? »

She remembered that voice. Varric !! She died a bit more.

« I found her dream last night. It was an experience. »

« Trespassing into ladies’ secrets, really now ? »

« I enjoy exploring the fade to discover the forgotten memories of the land. I certainly did not mean to peek in any way. »

« Sure, that’s what they all say. Listen, don’t let him bully you with his little magic tricks. Dude can talk to spirits and there he goes inviting himself to every party. I wouldn’t trust him. » He winked.

« Just tell the seeker to throw me in chains if I am this much of an inconvenience. I will not resist. »

« Aww come on. Don’t be like that. » He shoved him. « Name’s Varric Tethras. The one from Kirkwall. You’ve probably heard of me. And he is Solas, our local apostate fade expert. »

« All mages are technically apostates now, you do know that I am sure. »

The girl interrupted them. « What do you mean ? »

Both men stared at each other in shock.

« Don’t tell me, you were in the middle of an explosion you knew nothing about ? »

 _I was where ?_ But – oh – she did recall the sound of an explosion alright. « I don’t… really remember what happened ? » She went to bed and poof, she was in some random place of Thedas.

« What, another amnesia ? You people should really come up with a story before the Nightingale slices you all to pieces. »

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the Inquisition !


	3. Hello again

And so Varric proceeded to renarrate the events from the Kirkwall chantry exploding to the Temple of Sacred Ashes exploding. That was a lot of explosion imagery, but it was believable as this last one visibly torn up the sky somehow, or more accurately the Veil, she was told. The seeker decided to reform the Inquisition to deal with the breach in the sky together with the Herald of Andraste. The mention of an inquisition made her remember of the title of this sequel she had bought, Dragon Age Inquisition. Could this be the actual events of the new game ? She regretted not looking into it more when she had the opportunity. She didn’t expect any computer to be found anywhere around anymore.

« Any question ? »

She drilled her eyes into the ground. « What happened to the Champion ? Is she well ? »

« Why does everyone keep asking me about her. I _don’t_ _know_  ! I haven’t seen her in years either, okay ? »

« I’m sorry... »

« ‘Tis alright, lady. If you ever wanna bring up the past again, I’m your dwarf. I love stories. Just hope this one won’t turn into a tragedy, I’m too old for this shit. »

Solas stared hard into the fire.

« Well Chuckles, thank you for waiting. Now I am thirsty and shall give you your date back, be good, children. » And he was off to the tavern.

The elf thought that the spymaster was way too close to dare saying anything of relevance so they stayed awkwardly silent for a moment.

« So, what did I dream about ? »

« You don’t remember ? »

« I usually never remember my dreams, no. I hope it wasn’t too weird ? »

« You showed me intriguing things, presumably from your homeplace. Also you were burning notebooks. »

She shifted, uncomfortable with the memory that this was calling in. « Okay. » There was silence for another moment before she finally added « So you just walk the Fade ? I thought nobody could do this anymore ? »

« I am self taught in this art. It originated from intense meditation but the spirits took me in and offered me all the knowledge I wanted about both magic and legends of the world. I am now here to pass it down in help with sealing this Breach. Hopefully I will be of good use. »

The more she looked at him the more he looked like one of the Main Characters™.

« Don’t worry, I’m sure you’re plenty capable... » _Not like garbage me_. She thought. This Herald of Andraste was probably the player character (the title gives it away usually, [protector] OF [cause], it was the same pattern.) « What does this Herald do by the way, some magic that happens to close breaches I assume ? »

He squinted hard. « Well yes. We usually call them rifts. »

She nodded. « I hope it all goes well then. » She wished she had any idea of what that main quest was about. The only thing she remembered was some person rising their right arm glowing green on the box art. She was useless.

« So, what do you intend to do ? » He asked

« What ? »

« Now that the Conclave is… Cancelled, I assume you did not come for sightseeing in the first place. »

Her brain was barely working, there was such nothing to say.

« Bleh. »

« Bleh ? »

« I have nowhere to go, but am I not going to be deadweight for the people here ? I don’t know. »

« I am sure you will find something to do here eventually. »

 _ **You just don’t get it. I can’t do shit at all.**_ She was hopeless in an annoyed way, or the contrary.

« I’ll stay until they throw me out I guess. »

He was satisfied as this meant he would be able to investigate on her for at least a bit longer. He nodded. « May I see you tonight then ? »

She stared at him dumbfounded. Was it what she thought this was ? Because the dude was like fifty years older than her : there was no fucking way no matter how you looked at it. Okay, first thing she would meet in Thedas is the patriarchy, amazing news. But he seemed to catch up on the misunderstanding.

« The dream. I am asking permission for more of it. »

She still gave him very wary looks, unsure. She probably wouldn’t remember a thing and he knew it.

« Fine, forget about this for now. I am genuinely interested in your stories but this will wait for trust to take place. I understand. »

He took a few steps away before realizing. « May I have a name before going ? » She realized as well, that the earlier opportunity had been lost to the conversation.

« I am Nellie. »

« Farewell, Nellie. »

* * *

So far she got Leliana, Cassandra, Cullen and Varric. Already four notable characters of the franchise reunited in the same spot at what would probably be the beginning of a new game. There was truly no coincidence in fictional stories. How much of it had been written in advance ? Was she to be an actual legit part of this story ? She was weirded out by the thought. It was as if she might have never been real all along… But she was just a villager here, she had no skill, she was sure. Not that she regretted not having to join them all in combat though. She would be terrible at it, no doubt. But was she even mortal here ? She didn’t dare trying out.

Once the first conversation event with Solas and Varric was over, she just did her usual Thedas hobby : read all the things, but she was stopped dead in her tracks in the next minute as she couldn’t figure out any of it. THE LETTERS WERE NOT THE SAME- On top of that, she was growing fed up with the damn chant of light running in loops in the background of every place she went to. She struggled some time to find some chant-free space and ended up standing right in front of the elf that had been talking to her half an hour prior. Did he have a sister-repulsive aura or something ?

« Hello again Nellie. »

Would he make fun of her ? He looked so educated and stuff.

« What could be the matter ? »

 _I just figured out how much garbage I truly am_. « Too much Andraste. »

This came as a surprise from a human in such a specific place. « Do you not believe ? »

« Are people here going to kill me if I answer this wrong ? » She thought about Haven from Origins again. Spooky town.

He chuckled. « Alright. I assumed you hated me though. »

« I’m sorry. »

She detailed his design a bit. He was barely clothed in this cold, bald and even barefoot. Was that some elven magic keeping him warm and cozy in spite of things ? It was odd because he actually didn’t look like any elf character she had seen so far. The wolf pendant was a small touch that screamed « relevant dude ». He was tall and beefy, like a swordman King character. Instead he ended up apostate wanderer. She guessed they had to make him look more important to fit in the usual crew of amazing people doing things with the player. No vallaslin suggested that he was a city elf. But he didn’t look like he was coming out of a mage circle either. Much mystery. Whatever for now.

« How many moons are there ? »

He stared at her frozen in surprise.

« I know it’s weird and all but I need to know and there are too much clouds. »

« Two moons ? »

She sighed and decided to believe him.

« What was that for ...? »

« I’m sorry. »

Puzzled, he chose to let it go for now. She was a huge enigma and he wished he had more brainspace to indulge into it but the Corypheus issue was already taking so much out of him. What could be her role in all of this ? He didn’t want to miss on anything vital for his great plans.

« Solas. » A low voice resonated from behind. « We’re going to the Hinterlands. »

A man, poker face, also very tall and muscular. And glowing.

« Certainly. »

The man barely acknowledged her as he went by casually. Was this the Herald ?

« This was the Herald. »

 _Eeeehhh_. « Are you not in good terms ? »

« Ser Trevelyan is of nobility and is not fond of either mages nor elves I believe. »

« And you’re the only mage in the party am I right ? »

« Very much so. »

This sounded stupid. There were so many mages around but he couldn’t think to bring anyone else ? The logic that worked in games for reasons could feel very awkward otherwise. But her conversation partner was being taken away from her and with him her only escape from the chant hell.

« You can stay here if you want. »

« Wait, really ? » Was he reading minds or something ?

« I do not own this cabin in the first place, and I won’t be around to use it, so it should definitely be put to use for someone else. »

« But there are plenty of _other_ someones... »

« Everyone here is Andrastian but you I am afraid. »

« Bleh. » she punctuated before getting inside in defeat.

It was warm, real warm. There were fire glyphs in the strategic places, a bed, a table, a locked chest and the other stuff was as random as it could get. Various books, a luth, iron tools, rolled carpets, and other indescriptible things all over the place.

« You can use whatever I suppose. Maybe you can find some new clothes... » But he looked at her again, her chub, she knew. « ...Maybe. » But she didn’t say anything. There was nothing to be said. She was a fat-ass because she hadn’t been hitting the gym as she should have despite her ongoing subscription. Even in her homeworld she had been struggling to find clothing because everything past simple large was an actual unicorn. She remembered having to order some extra large jeans online at some point. But there was no online here. If she couldn’t fit in men clothes, she wouldn’t fit in anything ever.

Solas threw some backpack over his shoulders. « Well then, duty awaits. I bid you farewell. Use this place all you want, nobody will bother you I believe. No one usually gets in this area for some reason. Be well. »

She wondered all of a sudden. What could they possibly be at this moment, level 1 or 2 ? Depending on the difficulty here, they could very well get their hp down to zero real fast. A bear, a demon, one billion darkspawns, anything. She never went past normal mode but still struggled sometimes. She remembered in Origins, this fight encounter while journeying across Thedas, it was long range Qunaris over traitorous hills or something and they would just all die before even reaching the ennemy. She had to savescum until she was getting another encounter instead because this one she couldn’t, ever. Her point was : what would happen once they reached 0 HP this time ?

« Be careful ! » She managed as he was already walking off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm dying because this [/crap/] got so many kudos on the first day lmao I'm glad you like it ?? Thank you for your time and have a good night
> 
> Edit : I forgot to mention but I don't support fatphobia in any way ever


	4. It's you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea whatsoever at where this is going, I spent hours in bed at night trying to figure something out but everything was contradictory so it's no use I've just got to type down and let it happen on its own.  
> BTW this is now my 2017 nanowrimo project, i didn’t expect to enter this year but there you go.

_Aaand_ there she was, all alone in the messy stash of wonders. The fire glyphs were humming softly in the comforting silence. This seemed like a good place to hide from whatever had been happening around, and there she could contemplate the likes of actually being thrown in that fantasy world. There had to be people from homeworld who could kill just to get in her place, and there she was, merely a day in and already back to the everlasting isolation that had been her whole existence. No matter the land, she just wanted to lie dead in some bed behind a solid door locked shut forever. She splatted on said bed and stared at the ceiling. This was a waste of opportunity. She was a waste of opportunity.

_I wish I could read_

« Knock knock ? »

Sadly this door actually had no lock to it and she was left defenseless to any intrusion from the very real Haven surrounding her at the moment. She rolled over to hide against the opposite wall, burried under her heavy chantry blanket, pressing herself out of existence.

The lack of answer didn’t prevent the door from opening eventually, and the person from stepping into the room. It took them a moment to figure out the little living ball of cloth and limbs in the corner.

« Sorry for bothering you, could I have a word ? »

« I’m sorry for the blanket. »

There was a moment there. The person simply stared at her back, wordless, but proceeded to drag the nearby chair next to the bed and sit across it. The door was shut again so it was just no one but both of them.

« You are from Narah’s family, aren’t you ? »

 _Wait_. She took a peek at the person sitting next to her and was met with no less than up-close, fully-fleshed Leliana, staring right back at her from her icy blue eyes, piercing right into her soul. The woman slid her hood backwards, closed her eyes, struggled for her breath for a moment, and then looked at her again, losing herself in the familiar features. _She had always been so beautiful_.

Oh no

« Could you mean… The warden.. ? »

« Did you get news from her ? She just… disappeared, and… I thought she might have gone back home for a while ? » she paused, tears forming.

 _Fuck_ , Narah had to be the name of her origins character after all. And of course she had made that character look like her as much as she could. The only obvious difference would just be the weight. The two had probably fallen in love here as well, as it seemed. Did this mean this wasn’t just Thedas but _her_ world state as well ?

 _She recognizes me_. Nellie felt a pull. The Leliana she’d romanced, she was there, just a few centimeters away and visibly very shaken. ‘It’s me !’ she wanted to tell her, but of course she couldn’t, because it wasn’t her after all, the realisation hit her like a bus. She would never be a quarter as amazing as her character had been. She’d never slain any dragon, she’d never saved anything at all ever, never inspired anyone. So this dear sweet Leliana she had known, loved listening to, taken anywhere she went all game long, the cute Leliana who loved fashion, the tragic Leliana who had been held in a toxic relationship for decades, tortured by soldiers in the remote past, the faithful, hopeful, optimistic, bashful, compassionnate, loving Leliana,

_she had never been hers at all in the end._

That was it. The soul wrenching pain of betrayal seized her. The girl closed her eyes and her head slightly dropped on the side. She had never thought about fictional romances that way, what a nasty trap she had made for herself.

The nightingale was alarmed at the sudden display of sorrow she was given. « … Is there … something I should know ? »

She was bracing herself hard. Meanwhile, the girl folded in half over her legs, crying in silence. She realized she had never known love at all after all, even the remote gaming experience she was being denied right now. She remembered Wynne, telling that relationships would be doomed to eternal suffering regardless. Had she be talking to _her_ across the screen or something ? What the fuck was this shit going on ? Being sent to game world to get fucking dumped and lose any amount of joy you’d been able to grasp from the whole of life ?

Now where had her fucking character just gone to ? How could she just leave such a nice romance behind ? God, this entitled brat who succeeded at everything didn’t even see the appeal in taking good care of her perfecty charming love interest. She knew Leliana would have followed her everywhere if only given the chance. A hand dropped on her back hesitantly, then proceeded to pat her. The soft touch crushing her heart even further.

Eventually, she slowly sat back up, eyes drenched in tears and rage. It’d been so long since having any emotion at all, it was taking her apart.

 _This little shit didn’t tell you anything ?_ « This little shit didn’t tell you anything ? » Failing at sugar-coating.

Leliana was taken aback. « I… hem… » She gave up «  **What happened ?**  » her hands taking the girl’s shoulders.

Nellie cried out. « I don’t KNOW » and got no idea how they both ended up in each other’s arms, sobbing, tightly squeezing.

 _I loved you_ , she thought very hard, hoping that it could reach her somehow. « ...I don’t know anything either. I’m sorry. » She managed.

« It’s okay... »

After a moment, they painfully let go. Obviously Leliana had other business to tend to than her helpless fat self, she knew.

« I must go. » She got up. The chair was soon put back into its original place. She landed a last concerned glance on the girl, « Thank you. » and she hardened herself to face the world again.

« Thank you. » She answered. _Thank you for lending me some warmth, one last time._

Silence fell back on the empty small stash, her boundless depression now doubled with sharply active grief. How much had she not needed this.

She quietly cried to sleep.

* * *

« Good evening. »

Dream-state-Nellie emerged into the new world. « Where’s she at. » Formed down the ground was a better qualifiant than emerging, actually. An actual carpet.

« She who ? » as he had not expected this response.

« My fucking warden ! Hero of Ferelden, whatever. I’m gonna kill her. » She was lying on her face, a sloppy arm bashing the ground unrelentingly. « I’m gonna kill heerrrrr…. »

 _Oh_. « And why so ? »

« mgzlgjfezlfmljgqlzj »

Solas went back to this book he had found in the room. « I assume this is a book but how does one read this ? It is full of pictures. »

She glanced at him. « ‘tsa manga. You reading backwardddssss. »

He considered. He flipped the book over but it did not seem any more sensical.

« Noooottt like ttthhhiiiis. » she was too pissed to explain any further anyway.

« It this some kind of script ? I’ve never seen this writing. » he went through some pages at random.

« Yea right can’t read yours either. I can’t fucking read anymore. What am I going to do. » She wiggled helplessly in the dirt. He looked at her then, she was obviously very upset, angrily staring at the void.

« So why would you want to kill Ser Amell all of a sudden ? » he knelt at her.

« SHES BROKENN HER HEART. I cannttt belieevee iiiitttt. How DARE SHE. »

« Leliana’s ? » He hadn’t heard of any other affair in the Warden’s history.

« nfzklefjzemkjzahdqzfkez »

« Alright. » He closed the book and put it back on the shelf. « What are you going to do about it ? »

« Imma find her and get her ass back to apologize. WHERES SHE »

« That I have no idea. » He put a hand under his jaw. He thought about picking her with the tip of a stick and concealed the idea right away before the fade would get a chance to form it.

She plopped her face back on the ground. There was a pause. Depression started whispering again in the lulling voice it always had. This was wrong. Everyone in Thedas were their own people now. She had no right to dictate their actions anymore. She had no power over them anymore.

« … Is it my fault ? »

« What ? » The sudden change of mood was twisting the fade in light blues.

« Did I force her into a relationship she didn’t want and she’d just leave as soon as she could manage ? » She rolled over to stare at the endless greens of the uneven fade skies. « Is this punishment ? » she remembered thinking this before. It had to be punishment. She deserved this, all of this. She was but a helpless monster.

The elf suppressed the few despair demons that had been drawing near. Little by little, he was picking up bits of information. Even if they seemed to make no global sense for now. So far he got that she was from some remote place, beyond Thedas, where they had magic devices that could control the people from here for an extensive period of time with no real sense of awareness. Did these manga have magic to them as well ? He’d figured it was safe as long as it was fade replicas but he still felt self-conscious about touching them just like that.

« You told me I was not dead. How do you even know. »

« Because you would roam the other side of the fade otherwise. »

Right she was on the living side _of Thedas_ , that was not what she meant. Whatever. She thought about going home, she thought about disappearing altogether… « I need to go away. Where I’m not gonna hurt anyone anymore. »

He couldn’t allow this, not when he was so far away, in the Hinterlands. He cursed the Herald for taking him along to the bland trip. « It’s too dangerous out there ! Can you even defend yourself ? »

« I don’t care. I...don’t ... »

He couldn’t manage to stop her from waking. This was bad. If people somewhere had been playing over their lives as if it was nothing, he had to find it out and make it stop asap. He looked up the sky all the way to the remote black city. His doings had been his and his alone all along… had they not ? He started doubting. Was somebody controlling him right now ? Had somebody been controlling him from the start ? Who exactly was controlled, was it everyone ? Did free will even exist at all in Thedas ? A headache took him.

He decided to summon an agent and have them make Leliana keep track of her at all costs.


	5. Sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just so you know my writing software decided to have a huge bug with the formating. Thankfully the text is still usable but i have to struggle through it. Eventually created a whole new file. I would set my house on fire, had I lost 5k words just like that for real.
> 
> This fic got even angstier than I thought I could manage. Help

She awoke softly, welcomed by the dim light of the reliable fire glyphs. She remembered nothing of the dream but this feeling that she had to run away, right now. Not a second later, her heart was in pieces again. Leliana. She wanted to leave a letter, but what could she do ? The local texts were all random squares and triangles to her, remotely Greek or something like that.

She suddenly thought of Varric. But hadn’t he gone with the Herald earlier that day ? She could search for him… It was hard to make a decision, you could always trust him as the player character but what about her ? Wasn’t she some kind of vilian of her own after all ? She dug up a woolen thing to put over her shoulders before stepping outside.

The cold freezing air of the night stroked her cheeks gently in a feeling of the whole world ending. She couldn’t breathe.

Slowly, step by step, she made her way to the tavern, the last Varric spot she’d known of. It appeared it was right next to her lodging. The happy bustling of the people was dancing across the wood. A happy she had no place in. She remained there for a bit, listening to the laughs, cries, mutters, songs… It was a whole little city on its own in there.

She decided she would only ruin it with her presence and went away in silence. Head low, she made her best not to make eye contact with anyone and proceeded to just move forward. It had to be for the best.

« Hey, where you going ? »

By the same fire she’d been sitting before was the dwarf. It seemed fate ended up throwing her at him just like this. « Hey. »

« ...Why the long face ? »

She averted her eyes. « Actually I was looking for you. » She breathed. « I needed you for something… But were you not going to the Hinterlands with the others ? »

« Sure, anything. Well, most things at least. » He winked. « And no, I was way too drunk to leave town earlier. »

« I see. » She smiled a bit, « You’re going to laugh at me now »

« There’s no better time for comedy than skies falling all over the place. »

« Okay. » She snorted and gave up. The good man deserved his good joke obviously. « Thing is, I’d like to write a message but I can’t. »

« Say no more, it’s hard to get paper in here right ? » He shrugged. « I’m glad I always have my ow- »

« No ! » She interrupted him awkwardly. « Well. There’s that indeed. But I… actually can’t write. I’m this stupid. »

« Hey. » After a short moment, he gave her a very serious look instead. « You know nobody knows anything before learning said thing. »

He was so good to her, it would be heartwarming had she not be that down.

« Okay, come here. I’ll write it for you. »

He retrieved his author gear and waited for instructions. She grew very embarrassed all of a sudden. « It’s... »

« For a lover ? »

She broke into a hollow giggle. « Let’s say… something like an ex... Maybe ? »

« Maybe ? » He gave a look, but the girl avoided him. « Fine. What does it say ? »

She paused to think. What could she even say ? They were actually nothing but strangers.

« Er… ‘Sorry… for everything’ ? »

He sighed. « Alright. » He proceeded to scribble across the sheet. He seemed to write with care, slowly. All she could do was trust him with it. « Do I sign it ? »

« Ha… no... » It was getting very uncomfortable.

« Here. » He handed the new message over. « I wonder how are you going to send it with all the war and shit though ? »

« Ha, don’t worry about me... Thank you very much. »

« No problem. » They waved their ways off. He cautiously watched over her hunched form disappearing into the haze.

* * *

 _Thank you, Varric_. She’d left the letter into Leliana’s empty lair as she had already retired for the night. She didn’t doubt that someone probably noticed her scheming, starting with the dwarf probably, but she couldn’t come with any other idea in such a limited time. She was never good at ideas anyway. She then managed to slip out of the camp and off she was to the endless blue mist of the Frostback mountains, again. But this time was different, thanks to the good hearts of people she had some actual clothing over her body, and she’d eaten a buch of stuff. She got help, warmth, care, attention.

Yes, these good hearts she could not keep taking advantage of. Thus she left, beyond the frozen lake and down the valleys. Was a demon going to rip her appart ? Or would it be templars ? Mages ? Mercenaries ? Darkspawn ? Nobody had told her about any darkspawn yet, it felt suspicious. With no idea of what this new game entailed, she decided to just embrace the hazards and go.

Go.

_Go._

The heavy snow was crunching under her feet. Wasn’t leaving the village the first step to any classic RPG adventure ? Maybe she’d actually be starting some amazing journey in the Thedas world, figure out she was a powerful mage or something and save someone’s day ? Lol. She was heading towards Orlais probably. She wished she had paid closer attention to the online worldmap. Anything beyond Ferelden and a bit of Free Marches was **the Unknown**. Well, she remembered she’d wanted to see a bit of the Dales. It was supposed to be in Orlais as well so she had to be roughly walking in the right direction. She wondered how big could the continent be, and how likely was she to even make it out of the mountain before the next night. Because falling asleep there was still dued to be game over, so she crossed her arms on her chest and braved the raging wind, forwards.

Meanwhile, at the other side of the mountain was Solas in his little tent, wondering how much of life was real at all and how much of it had been plotted by overpowered humans lying in comfy couches. Varric wasn’t even there to casually lighten the mood. Corypheus was one thing, but this was way past his abilities. He thought about reaching for Flemeth in emergency as had crossed his mind upon losing his orb. Could he afford disappearing from the inquisition this early ? He reviewed quietly : the anchor was stabilized, the bearer was set on closing the various breaches, they had an army growing and a capable spymaster. There didn’t seem to be any further need for his presence here. On the other hand leaving the inquisition meant losing a convenient way to gather materials easily ‘for the sake of research’ so that he could make great progress with his own organization. It was hard to figure this out.

But if the girl’s devices were able to show him the past/present, would they also be able to show him the future ? He would pay a heavy price for some insight in what’s to come. He could not manage to lose the girl, he would not. Surely the Seeker would be able to find some other mage somewhere to replace him.

Resolute, he fade-stepped into the night.

* * *

Dawn greeted her right side through branches as she was descending slowly. It had been snowing a lot for the rest of the night, so her footsteps were probably all burried now. It would spare anyone the trouble of looking for her, she thought as she took another step downwards. The trees made it easy, it was hiding her well and she could always grip on trunks for balance.

As she went, she met countless fennecs and snow rabbits, as well as a few rams, yet other proofs that she was in Thedas if anyone still wondered at this point. Hopefully these would keep the wolves satiated so they wouldn’t bother coming after her. She’d read that the ones from her world never pursued humans as long as they had other, easier food sources available.

It had been a long time since she’d ventured outside like this. She had missed the countryside of her childhood a lot after settling to the city as a teenager. There had been no highschool there so there was no helping it. She wondered if she would ever get to see any deer again, what were they called again, _hallas_. This was a very strange kind of freedom she was discovering in this moment, because as much as she knew she wouldn’t get that far before hunger stroke eventually (and obviously she had no money nor hunting skills to make up for it at all), she somehow felt liberated, fred from her life, from herself, from her small bedroom that had seen her last years, from expectations, paperwork, there was nothing left. It was only her, the beating heart in her chest, the animals surrounding her, and she felt this urge when she realised that, even probably for a very short time, there was nothing tying her down anymore. Everything was new, bare and laid down before her, and without a real reason, without explanations, logic, she just started racing. Running her way downhill among the creatures of the wood. She was not going anywyere, she didn’t plan to do anything, she just kept running, running. Running her way until she could not move. Running her heart out until she couldn’t live. It was the end of the world and the end of herself alike. So she ran it away.

When was the last time she had run at all ? Running was not for adults and running was not for proper children, the ones who get praised by the adults. It was the silent kids, the obedient kids that were loved. Not the ones who ran, the ones who chatted loudly, the ones who laughed, the ones who had friends and accomplished things. No. The pats went to the still life of the little dolls. To the point she herself had grown to dwell in eternal silence. She hadn’t even been listening to music like the other teens. She was longing for the soft noises of the pouring rain, the quiet wind that would have leaves rustle, the cicadas and crickets of the hot summer days.

_When was the time she had just stopped living ?_


	6. Tales

« It’s from your hand Varric, I could tell from miles away. What does this mean. »

Upset Leliana was leaning over his table, staring right into his eyes. He shrugged.

« Hey, that poor thing said she couldn’t write, I simply obliged. »

« But what does it mean ? Did she tell you something, anything ? » she could not hide the anxiety.

« Nope. » he answered. « She had it made, took it, and presumably left am I right ? She did look like farewell. »

The woman took her head in her hands, which shocked the dwarf, who never saw her anything but tightly composed.

« Why… why… Did I... say something ? » She walked in circles.

Varric tried a « Well she did not seem angry ? » but was largely ignored.

« She could be my only tie to get back to her… I have to know more, I need to know more… I can’t afford to have her get herself killed. She’s weak and we’re at fucking war. »

Wooww language from _Sister Nightingale_. He backed up and just sat in silence. She drilled her eyes into him. « Where did she go. »

« You won’t like this. »

« JUST SAY IT. » she slammed her hands on the table.

« North. »

 _Fucking north_ , she pested. Where there were no roads, because of course. She had not much scouting stationned that way and the night had been rough. _This is why I shouldn’t ever sleep, Cass_. She fell dead on the chair.

« Are you okay ? »

« I’m trying to think. » she dropped her head to the plank. « I can’t think. » She should have scouts dispatched after her right this instant, but she didn’t have _this many_ of them, and her best one had just been fucking _murdered_ by a fucking _traitor_ , there were way too many issues to handle at the moment. She couldn’t even go there herself as she was tied up to Haven in order to oversee it all. She wanted to scream. There was nothing she could do but pray for Nellie to safely reach some village her network had covered.

Narah had told her very little about family, because she’d been enrolled in the Circle at nine and never got the chance to visit again in their little time together as a Warden. She almost never talked about them either. Was Nellie a little sister, or more like a cousin ? Given her apparent age, it only made sense that the two wouldn’t have met back then. She could have learnt more about her origins, maybe a few secrets even, anything that could help her getting back to her lover. It’d been… ten years after all…

Why hadn’t she given up yet.

What was she even holding onto anymore ?

« Hey, you. » To Varric. « Gimmie a story. »

« I have a bunch of them, what’s the request birdie ? »

« A story about dumb unrequited love for a missing hero. » She stared down. What was she even doing.

He sideglanced at her. Of course there was still a girl’s heart softly beating somewhere under all the stabbing. A pull of compassion overtook him at the sight of the nightingale splatted flat right in front of him. What would the people say if they were to see this ? But there was no one around. In this instant, his stories were hers only.

« Once upon a time, there was a princess living at the top of a shining castle entirely made of crystal pink and blue. She hadn’t been given a name, as she was just the princess and her whole life was to be dedicated to the role. Everything had been decided upon birth, from style to friends and eventual marriage. »

Leliana closed her eyes, thinking about pretty lacey dresses and delicate high heels. She wished she had been a princess herself. From her very childhood on. She’d always longed for the graceful forms she’d met in the various receptions she attended in her short life of orlesian bardhood. But as much as she’d learn to master the Game, this life always stood _just_ out of her reach. Everytime, she was condemned to pick up the little pieces of her shattered self back once everything was dealt with and to silently make her return to her miserable hideout upon dawn where she would learn to carve a new smile onto her pretty face to go through the next day, awaiting.

Where was she now ? Even after fleeing to Lothering she still couldn’t escape her fate in the end, and there she was now, ordering people dead all over. Marjolaine would be… proud of herself.

She hid her face behind her crossed arms over the table. She thought she had finally been saved on joining Narah’s cause. She was _chosen_ , and was fighting for the world, right in the open. She was making genuine connections, actual friends, finally a light was casted on her, a positive light. She had been beaming with the warmth of radiant future. What was left from all of this ?

Drenched in sorrow, the left hand of the Divine fell onto the troublesome opponents to shut their voices mute forever. The weight of her daggers was suddenly as a titan pressing on her small back, and felt as crushing her whole soul over. _She was doing what had to be done_. How long would she be able to keep meddling into this sweet little tale she had been telling herself for the entirety of her life ?

_I am a monster. It’s no wonder she doesn’t want to see me anymore…_

Wasn’t it Narah’s fault though ? She who had promised to be her guide through the darkness, she who had taken away Marjolaine for good with her very own hands, the great Warden, Hero of Ferelden, who would sacrifice her life to save the whole world twice, and even miraculously overcame her own death against the Archdemon. But she was nowhere to be seen anymore, she just left her all alone, weak to the countless demons that had been roaming her mind for so long, what could she do ? Nothing, by herself she just couldn’t do a single thing at all. And she lost the battle, every battles so far, lost, and she was being taken apart, eaten alive, ripped in pieces, torn from whatever good she had ever managed to build and thrown back into the dark depths of despair, where there was no choice but kill or be killed. Even there she had to fight for her place, to struggle among the lowness of their unworthy existences. She tried to reach for some new light, a new branch of hope to climb on, anything to leave the nightmare. That’s how she joined the side of Justinia, an old acquaitance from the remote blissful times when she could still find some sun in her little corner of the sky. And she held onto it, Andraste, did she held onto it. This was her one and only chance at redeeming her worthless self, she knew. And she clung to it as her life depended on it. She was extracted from the thick black swamp and climbed all the way to the surface, and she breathed again.

But Justinia was gone now, and so was her second sunlight, she could feel herself falling back already. The swamp had never been that far, it was always a part of her. She could feel it all day, quivering inside, the toxic gaz filling her brain unrelentingly.

As much as everyone liked to call her a bird, not a single time had she been able to fly.

Varric was going on with his story about the tragedy of a pointless life in nobility. She knew this by heart. The pure maiden, the innocent, whom everyone had to protect from all the dirty plotting. How many innocents had she got to silence for _reasons_  ? She could throw up about right now. It was not supposed to be like this. Her life could have been different. She could have been… alive…

Children passed by.

She looked at them with a soul less stare, probably. They didn’t even pay a remote attention, children were always just doing their own things, carefree. If there were to be birds around, don’t look any further. That was it, these tiny smiles, she had been doing it, all of it, for the sake of them. In the grand scheme of things, she sacrificed her whole self for the sake of the people. She was in Haven, land of pilgrimage for the sacred Andraste, the temple had been blasted by an evil force who was now threatening the world with demon armies rampaging the desecrated fields.

There was no time for her getting all emotional.

She lifted her hand and had the dwarf drop his narration.

« Thank you Varric. I managed to find myself back again. Your help is very appreciated, now if you could excuse me, I have work to catch up to. »

« Anytime, Nightingale. »

If she truly was never to fly, at least she could keep singing by the window. The sweet song of blades, arrows and poison, that she knew so well.

The caged bird was always a sad story. Varric watched her as she left in silence. He hummed, sighed, and went back to his notes. His work here was done.

* * *

Solas reached the eluvian he’d set in the Frostback mountains and hopped into his headquarters. Alarmed, a few elves went to him.

« What could possibly bring you back so soon, my Lord ? »

« Something came up, I’m sorry for derailing from the _Plan_. » He distractly handed his staff over to whoever and headed to his room.

He had found out that Leliana’s network had been no use to follow the girl for the moment. He would have to figure some location out from the upcoming dream he’d trespass into. Sure he did promise to wait for consent, but she wasn’t remembering anything anyway (and he was making sure of that by affecting the fade accordingly) so he just went in and snatched away as much knowledge as he could. Because it was faster this way and they were all running out of time. The world was soon to be ripped apart one way or another : either his or Corypheus’, and he for one knew for sure which one he wanted averted at all costs. And it implied stepping into some girl’s mind and stripping her from any critical intel. He would do it. He had long sold his soul for power, it happened to get him the vilian’s seat, serves him right. He would be Fen’harel for as long as it meant that somewhere deep down, there was a chance to save something, even one single tiny thing, from the rampaging madness that had been the Evanuris and continued as the blight ever since.

He poured himself a cup of fucking tea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im used to Solas angst but didn't expect the Leliana angst, shook me big time  
> I take a huge amount of joy from highlighting the word plan coming from solas' side. U cant stop me


	7. Vinehouse

She’d long stopped running, but she did keep going. Hour after hour, descending the mountain as climbing her heart down, reconnecting with the remote corners of her frail soul like it was one long gone friend. She waved and it smiled back at her. They were alone, but in the middle of the snowy landscape, they were _together_ , reunited. Honestly, she was terrified. She was probably about to die in some way or another soon, but the fennecs trotting in cute spirals were just way too charming. And they looked _so_ fluffy.

It’d been noon, and then evening, night was peeking over her shoulder already, so she went at the top of this small hill nearby and surveyed the surroundings. One frozen lake later seemed to be a tiny cottage, most likely forsaken for ages. Chances were that there would be huge cracks in the roof or a whole wall collapsing. She walked cautiously in its direction, checking the area for other people as her path so far had been strangely (fortunately?) devoid of any.

This cabin was not like the ones from Haven. It was all greens. First of all, it was covered in lovely vines, but even the wood underneath had this dark green hue. The closest she went, the more it looked like a cute little fairy house, albeit a little wrecked indeed as it was even lacking a door. Some planks had long fallen over and she feared breaking it all down at the lightest touch. The wood was in very bad shape, she could tell up-close. She liked to think that maybe the vines had been keeping it all together. As she set a foot inside, it appeared the interior was actually pretty empty. There was a big closet on one side, the last remnants of a carpet on the floor, a small chest in a corner and a stony spot tracing the edges of what probably used to be some kind of fireplace.

Of course, it was also chilly in there, and the setting sun would not been helping.

Looking at the chest, she thought about that way game developpers had a tendency to hide collectible items in the most isolated corners of the world. She laid several fingers on the icy iron front. It didn’t seem to be locked, as the top softly slid back. She pulled it wide open in curiosity. Inside were a bunch of iron wires and daggers devoid of any rust. These could always be useful. She had left largely unequipped after all.

A little pile of blankets flew across the room, followed with a very long sigh. Frozen in position, Nellie turned her head to the door. Someone’d just come up. Her whole breath gone in a blink.

The other person rolled a shoulder in a pained motion. « Alright. » They cleaned away the last bits of snow covering their clothes and sent a glance at the horizon lying behind. It took them a moment to realize that they were not alone there.

Mute met speechless, and a few « ... »s later, the person finally broke a : « I’m NOT coming back ! Now leave at once before I make you ! »

« I’m sorry ! » she jolted up « I didn’t know ! » She bowed. « I’ll leave ! I’m sorry ! »

Eyes squinting, they followed her form bending and reaching for the exit in a never ending stream of apology. « Wait. »

She went instantly still. Oh boy why would she ever think that any functional shelter wouldn’t catch the attention of other people way before she did ? Were they some kind of bandit ? She had screwed up biig time. Her end would be just as dumb has she had always been.

« You’re not one of them. »

 _One of whom ??_ « I’ll leave, I’m sorry. » She made another step out.

« Don’t ! » she threw them a very confused stare. They sighed in response. « No, it’s getting too late, I don’t wanna send random strangers to death. » They looked over her equipment, or lack thereof.

A wolf was howling in the distance as in proving their point. « Whatever, just come in. »

« Are you sure ? »

« COME.ON. » and she was pulled inside firmly. The person then hurried to push the closet over to obstruct the doorway. The confused girl stared at them dumbfounded, slowly coming to terms with what had just happened. A slender figure, shorter than her, struggling to move the big piece of furniture. Medium puffy hair floating like a cloud. They were clad in light leathers and greens. Darkness seized the little room as the main lightsource went shut entirely, leaving only the little cracks of the walls to shed the lowest amount of lighting.

She realised she was being locked up with some complete stranger in the middle of nowhere and started actively freaking out. She stood there unmoving, as the person was neatly putting a small pile of kindling together. Suddenly, fire. The tiniest flame burst out of some sort of match and flew to the branches. A small log joined them as the fire was catching, and then another. Camp had been set.

The flashing reds and yellows traced the outlines of the small crouched body. Its arms were dancing as a shadow theater, bringing a raged beast alive in a flow of expert motions. A last little blow and it was all done to perfection. The person nodded to themselves and sat down in relief, removed their gloves and pressed their fingers against the new breathing warmth of a trusty companion.

« Don’t lean against the walls and all should be well. Are you lost ? »

They brushed their hands over the steady flames. She meanwhile retrieved the strenght to process sentences.

« I’m… Travelling ? »

« Oh, where’re you from ? »

« Er... » she had to come up with some town, right ? She couldn’t just say Haven now. She couldn’t think of anything besides Denerim, Redcliffe and Lothering. Redcliffe, it had to be. Denerim was in the opposite direction and Lothering… RIP Lothering. « I am from the Hinterlands. »

« What, really ? I heard war had been waging out there. It’s no wonder you would want to leave... » They sighed. « What _is_ a safe place anyway ? »

She sat as well, too tempted by the alluring glow. « Do you... live here ? »

« Maker, I’m trying. I couldn’t stay home anymore so decided to settle here for now. »

« And people’ve been chasing after you ? » She assumed from the previous scene.

« Not for a while… I am expecting though. I hope it won’t get dangerous or I’ll regret making you stay around. »

A vague sense of anxiety grew in the air. The sound of fire cracking was one of Nellie’s most cherished atmospheres and she focused on it as much as she could. The warmth hovered on her face. It was very nice.

« How did you know about this place ? It’s so far from any landmark. » She was asked.

« I know I have not been going for the easy road, there were lots of _trouble_ to avoid » Half lying « and so I walked along the mountains where it would be safer I assumed ? » Lying definitely « I found the house by accident I swear. »

They considered. « You were right. This area is very quiet. Well I wouldn’t be here otherwise, probably. » They laughed hollow. « Do you have any idea where you’ll be going next ? Are you heading to Orlais ? »

« I was thinking about that. Shouldn’t I ? » She had no idea of what was awaiting after all.

« Well. Long story short it’s been war everywhere anyway. The Empress and Grand Duc have been going at it for months, unofficially. »

« ...How can war not be official ? »

« Orlais. Still very real for us people though. » they shrugged.

« You’re orlesian ? »

« Just don’t go near Halamshiral, they’re throwing _rocks_ at each other. »

«  **Unofficially ??**  »

They both giggled for a little while. The fire had been doing great at warming the place, they could already feel it. The person grabbed a blanket and handed it to her. « I’m Noam. 17. Disgrace of the orlesian culture. »

She rolled herself in the new blanket Thedas was throwing at her, it would be nice if it could keep doing just this forever.

« I’m » she had this sensation it would be a huge mistake to have her name spreading around « Karen, » first thing she could think of « thank you very much for having me. I’m... about 25 ? »

They looked at her in the _how is it that you wouldn’t know_ fashion.

* * *

 _The target has been successfully spotted in_ _a_ _vinehouse_ _one_ _day_ _south of Jader._ _No apparent injury. Someone else_.

Solas figured the fastest way to get the wide mountain area covered was no else but recruiting the largest pack of wolfes roaming the region. The ‘someone else’ had him **very** worried but it seemed she’d been alright so far. That was a relief.

So was she going to Jader ? This was the very limit of his eluvian network, and it was being actively contested by Briala’s at the moment. Frontiers had always been serious stake in battle. The war of influence was essential to secure solid victory. This would have been long settled with his full powers back. Magic locks were still too sturdy for these sleepy hands of his.

The thing was : it would **not** be easy for him to get there. Infinite fade-stepping was out of question and there was no major fereldan city around to get a leg up. He had dispatched most of his agents to try to oversee the Conclave disaster and failed at promptly scattering them all back. He pressed his eyebrows. Orlais was all parties and cake but he was still an elf no matter what. They would absolutely give him a very hard time for crossing their land, even in the goddamn Dales. He was growing tired of the humble apostate ways, as nobody had ever paid attention to whatever he’d been saying all that time anyway. That was it, the call for him to drop the sugar-coat and go the hard way, as seemed to require protecting the shallow world from itself. So much for spending centuries going out of his way to try to provide wisdom.

_She wouldn’t like to hear this._

He paused and stared at the ceiling, sliding a hand above his head. These were _his_ thoughts, right ? He was taking _his own_ decisions, right ? He could not feel, could not sense any string pulling him. Well he’d figured he wouldn’t be able to find them out so easily as he’d just spent millenias of blissful ignorance.

Who _were_ they. He frowned. He had still a little bit of time before entering dream state, so he proceeded to plan for the next encounter. Clueless sleeping people were easy, they wouldn’t even think of lying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's not very nice soals


	8. New game

Who was this Noam person, besides orlesian. Why had people been loking for them ? Was this some sort of quest ? Everything was so real, it was hard to picture someone actually sitting by a desk and putting a script together for all of this, so detailed. Could this be an escort quest ? Or were they looking for someone to fetch items from some distant location ? Most of all, was she supposed to take quests without being the player character ? For now, they had been getting all cozy in this tiny space of theirs, the blankets were nice, the peaceful fire was comforting, the far wolven and owlish cries otherworldly. In a way, this was better than Haven. She was glad she left. The stillness of the mountain had this way of soothing her deepest scars. Where had _she_ been at seventeen ? Surely she had thought about running away as well but never had the guts to ever take action.

Her thoughts were starting to muddle up as her sense of gravity was fading away.

« Nellie. »

She struggled to focus her sight. « Mmmmsolasmm »

The elf was sitting pensive on a log by a tiny pond. It looked like fall. The trees were wearing tiny golden leaves all over them. He was dressed in whites this time. This new fur seemed especially comfy.

She lazily approached him.

« Whatcha doin »

« I was waiting for you. »

She giggled a bit. « Hehehe..heh, really » There was some silence. The air tasted sour. « You waited for me. » She crumpled her clothes like paper. « I’m sorry I left the stash you lent me, it was very kind of you. »

He had already forgotten about that cramped spot of pretend. « Why did you leave ? »

« Well I’m not very good with people. I shouldn’t have been there at all. »

Her spirit collasped on his back, face burried in the ethereal pelt scarf. « Nnnh soft... »

Without much consideration, Solas parted with said pelt and rolled it over Nellie’s head. « There. »

« Aaawww…. » she fondled it lovingly. « I used to have this bear plushie, it was soft like this, but I guess I’ll never see it again now... »

She was like a lost child. « Is your homeland really that far ? How did you get to Ferelden then ? »

« I don’t know, I just... woke up here. I assumed people hated me that much that they’d decided to get rid of me but… This is not possible. _This_ right now is not possible. So I believe I’m actually dead and experiencing some last fantasy before my spirit withers away ? Seriously I have no clue. »

It had to be a separate world, akin to the likes of Vir Dirthara but still different. The ancient elves might have been far from knowning all about the layers of existence, in the end. Their little eluvians might have been no more but a puny _underwater_ _lake_.

« You seem more real than before. How has been the trip so far ? »

« What does that even mean. » She laughed, but she could feel her heart about to burst at any moment. She got it, she had been feeling _more_. She didn’t know what to do with that. She was a bit terrified. « It’s good, and I’ve met some runaway teenager. We’re sharing their hideout, makes me feel young again. »

 _So that’s how it was._ He snorted. Like _she_ would feel _old_. He refrained the urge to pat her head. « Don’t get into any more trouble. Actually I’d recommend staying right there so long as it is safe. » Danger was everywhere, but his wolves would protect the place, and he would soon get there himself to retrieve her. She was a precious connection to that newly discovered reality. She whined.

« I don’t want to impose... »

« Sometimes you just have to. » He said unapologetically.

« Mblehrfplgr »

She stared at the ground. No matter how you looked at it, people were trouble. But if that was all a quest, she kind of wanted to see where this could be leading… It’d be good to snatch away any kind of new lore first-hand.

« Anyway. » Solas punctuated, down to business. « I’m very curious about you and this world of yours. »

She blushed a bit « Tsboring though... »

« Not to me. Show me this game thing again. The… Dragon Age. »

She lit up. « Which one ? »

 _What_. « Is there one from... our time ? ... ?? »

« Aw, Inquisition. Wish I’d played that one... » The bedroom materialized behind her. « Where’d I put it now » It was excessively messy. « Why do I never clean up. » He took an attentive look at all of it. « Cause Im useless that is » She threw the clothes lying around onto some chair until it formed a proud little pile of further chaos. She then knocked some rectangular bags upside down. « mblmlmbmlhb » The pelt was slowly slipping from her head. He put it back in place before it would fall over to the flying dust.

That was when she locked eyes with the little grey box, peacefully chilling under the bed. She picked it up and proceeded to read the front and back covers. « DRAGON AGE INQUISITION, Lead them or fall, Lead the inquisition and recruit legendary warriors to track down the agents of chaos. Discover an open world. Ally with legends. Embody the Inquisitor. »

He flinched at the agents of chaos, was it supposed to be him ? But then, _Embody the Inquisitor ?_ Who was that ? Not Ameridan right ? Solas grabbed it away from her hands. « How do we do this ? »

She stared at him in amusement. « You have to open it first. » She hadn’t even removed the plastic film. He struggled a little before surrendering it to her. She tore the film in half and put her thumbs on the side of the box. _Plop_. The elf watched it open in bewilderment. Inside were a small disc thingy, slightly spinning.

« Now we put this in there. » she slid the disc in that black contraption he’d seen on the first night.

After a moment, there were a moving picture of people marching towards the temple of sacred ashes. « … the graphics are **nice** … Aaw I want to play… » she whined in longing.

« Yes, let us ‘play’. »

[Connecting to the Dragon Age servers……… Connection failed] _Well_ _right_.

A bunch of other text appeared on the screen. « Okay, let’s have a New Game then ! » Nellie jumped on the couch. He followed.

An explosion and a black screen later, the Herald was struggling to stand up in some dark place.

« It’s him ! » Solas was bemused.

« So he is the player character after all. »

Spider demons were running after the figure who grasped some shiny hand and splatted on the ground in the middle of the temple where stood the breach, exactly where the inquisition would find him.

Solas knew then that there was no way out of this. As the events kept playing in the exact same manner, minutes after minutes and then an hour and two, as they reached past the current times and the play kept going into the immediate future, albeit there was no trace of the girl around and the elf hadn’t got to escape from the Hinterlands.

Every text that was not voiced over he asked her to read and she gladly obliged. She’d always wanted to play with someone, at some point she’d even bought a second controller in expectancy, but it was never put to use and just slept in a drawer for all eternity.

He was growing very uncomfortable as the girl kept having the herald interact with his character. How much would he reveal ? He knew that he’d always tended to give a lot to whoever paid some attention to him. « Could you… stop this… please ? »

« Eeeh but it’s got stories... »

« I am right here next to you in this very instant, I could tell you as many as you wanted, but _this_ is just… _wrong_. » Eye twitch.

« Okay ffffine. »

The mentions of _Solas slightly approves_ were making him **very** self-conscious and contemplating his life choices. Had he been that lonely ?

* * *

Time passed. The chantry was hard to handle, the templars betrayed everyone in Val Royeaux, two characters were recruited, Fiona called for help and then the advisors fought over which side to investigate.

« What do you mean we’ll have to choose either the mages or the templars ? Why not both ? »

« It’s been like this in every game, there is always a mage/templar choice for the player. »

« And… _you_ can choose, just like this ? The two futures exist side by side inside this artifact ? How do you know which is to be the right route ? »

« Whichever is your character most likely to pick in reality ! There is no right route. It is up to your roleplay. Your… special way of embodying the main character. »

_What the fuck._

« If it’s about which choice the Herald would take, how are _you_ people supposed to know any of it ? »

« Well actually most people play several times in order to cover every alternative ! »

« … You can actually make mistakes and get back to them easily, is it what you are saying ? »

« That’s a way to put it. »

 _This is amazing_. « Let us see what is going on at Therinfal Redoubt, as that for certain is what _he_ would do. »

« Boo, templars. »

Time passed again. Red lyrium had been going around and corrupting the various leaders of the faction.

« So Corypheus wasn’t satisfied with the Venatori alone. »

« Ssshhhh spoileeerrrsss ! »

She paused the controller on her knees. « Wait, **Corypheus**. He was supposed to be dead ! Damn Bioware you could have pulled out a new villain. Boy, Varric’s gonna be hella pissed. »

« Who is _Bioware_  ? »

« Creators of the game. »

He noted this down dutifully. « Are they humans as well ? » _Probably some kind of_ _very powerful mage-gods_ _??_

« They are. I love them. But having Corypheus back is kind of lame to be honest. »

Well Corypheus returning had actually been his doing, making him successfully unlock his orb but accidentally surviving and in so he had handed over his powers of old to the monster. Did this mean none of it had come from his free will, but some human overlord from beyond, pulling his strings around ? These _Bioware_ people. What was their deal ? He _needed_ to know.

S ome further recruitment and rift closing later,  they were off to the breach, and all was well until a n army and archdemon later.

They both watched the town burn down to ashes as everyone hurried to the chantry. Corypheus failed at retrieving the anchor from the Herald and vowed to find another way to bring the sky down. The warrior managed to repel them by burrying the place under a pack of snow before throwing himself at a conveniently placed mineshaft.

* Yaaawwnnn* The girl stretched her arms backwards. «  That was intense ! »  Solas  meanwhile  was  on the edge of his seat. To think that the  mere human could stand up to an ancient magister !  Dude  sure  could have some sparse sparks of wit, deep down.

Nellie saved the game. It had been 9 hours straight. « Oh wow, time flew by ! » And with it, the realisation that it was time to wake up. But he couldn’t have it, he wanted _more_ , how would these people keep fighting Corypheus without even a roof over their heads ? Was the Herald going to die in the freezing mountains ? Would there be more breaches to close from then on ? What would they do about that ? What about the forsaken mages ? Alas, the girl faded out of his conscience and he could only let go. Again.

Another cup of tea later, he was down to taking action for Redcliffe. Whatever was happening there could only lead to massive trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hue hue hue Solas agonizing over the approval system  
> poor egg


	9. Love Lives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look it's funny cuz I used to play Love Live. I'm well aware you might have never heard about it. I'm sorry. I looked very hard for a word to express "friendly conversation about love" and I couldn't find it

« Good morning, lady. »

Noam was already awake and down to some serious business.

« Hey. » She rubbed her eyes. « Have you been up for long ? »

« Not much, it’s okay. »

The fire was still on, purring in the silence of the mild day awaiting. Sunrays were softly filtering across the wood, rays highlit by the fleeting light dust.

« What are you doing ? »

« I’m going to set some traps around. There are tons of snow rabbits here, it’s about one of the only things we could eat in this area I believe. That and _elfidée_ I suppose… elfroot, sorry. »

 _We ?_ « Am I staying here ? »

They looked at her, a bit disappointed. « Are you not ? I’m sorry I assumed you didn’t have any affair to tend to... »

« I actually don’t…. » the girl stared at her boots.

« Why the rush then ? »

« Are you not bothered by my presence ? »

They sighed into their bent wires. « So far I am not at all. It’s been... quite some time since I’ve _talked_ to someone actually… I kind of miss it. » They laughed a bit. « Sorry, I won’t stop you from going anyway. »

It was kind of new, having somebody value the time spent with her. She had nowhere to go, nothing to do and nothing to eat. Would staying count as taking advantage ? But they were _willing_ to have her, so that was making it completely different.

« Okay. Just tell me when you can no longer put up with it. »

« Sure ! Thanks. » They smiled at her, and she smiled back despite herself.

The closet pushed back, both took a few steps out. The late morning was sweet on them. The weather was a bit more indulgent than Haven’s. She’d descended quite a lot and was over halfway before reaching the valley already. The little accomplishments.

« Have these » the teen handed a bunch of wire traps. « You tie them at the base of bushes like that. » They tied it down tightly. « See ! Tsnot complicated at all. Scatter them a bit over there and there. » They showed her some directions. « Questions ? »

« I’ll do my best ! » She did not think whatever she would do could turn out any good but she would try, because they’d asked her to very enthusiastically and she just could not refuse. So she went on her little way, crouched next to trunks and stuff, tried to knot the things firmly into place. Noam went to check on her.

« Right, you just do it a little bit more like this, » they guided her hand in correcting the motion, « that’s about it. It’s good otherwise. Keep going ! » They returned to their own trapping.

_They’re so nice._

She did her best to do it decently. It would be her only chance of sustaining after all. This was a job to take very seriously, and there was just no way she would inconvenience this kind person on purpose. Nellie diligently tied all of her ten traps and came back when she was done.

« Good job ! Let’s hope that will be enough now… »

Her stomach chose this moment to start growling. Hunger had settled in at long last. She was thankful that she’d been able to endure about two days just fine.

« Yeah… Let’s hope so. »

Her companion set a very proud face before making a big announcement, like a very cool trick up his sleeve all along. « But I’ve got a bunch of stuff for the meantime though ! I should have taken more but let’s share as breakfast ! » Noam started digging into their bag and extracted a square box.

« What- » she squirmed « It’s yours !! I couldn’t possibly…. »

Her stomach growled louder.

« Please give up and take this ! No question. »

 _FINE_. She just took the thing and sat down on the dying carpet. She looked at the box, it was… indescriptible.

« What is it ? »

« ... »

« ... »

She lifted curious eyes to them, still standing and was met with averted eyes.

« It’s… ahem. Food ? » They managed, very suspiciously.

 _What_. « Did you make this ? »

« Okay, listen. » They inhaled for a second and « I didn’t know anyone would have to suffer through my terrible cooking so I just went with whatever I could come up with at the time It’s probably going to be very bad and I am extremely sorry for that I should have just got some bread and called it a day instead of going all fancy over it. »

 _Oh my god._ « Aaahh nooo » she wiggled her arms « I never meant this I am very thankful for the meal and I am therefore going to eat it right now without further questionning, right before your very eyes here I go. »

She got a bit of the stuff and put it inside her mouth. She realized at that moment that it could very well have been poisoned but decided to ignore that. There was no other food available for miles _anyway_. The teen stared at her half horrified and half expecting. She coughed a bit, which had them decompose for a moment, but once she got her breath back, she was surprised, after this dreadful speech, that the thing was actually somewhat pretty good ?

« Hey, what are you talking about, it’s great ! » Almost in a betrayed voice.

The concerned face soon melted into heavy relief. « Haa, I’m glad. I’ve basically put everything I liked in some pot and rolled with it so... »

She chuckled. « Yeah adulting sure is hard, right. » She would just eat pasta forever until her body fell apart herself. « I’m not any better. »

They gave her a smiling pout and started eating as well. « So you can’t cook either ? Man this could have made the whole hiding-in-the-mountain thing take a turn for the better. »

« I’m sorry I’m an actual walking disappointment. »

« Mfmpghrm » they tried to protest in a full mouth with very little success, and it made her laugh again.

They ended up cracking jokes at each other in order to make the eating as much of a struggle as possible. At some point Noam couldn’t keep up and choked very badly, thankfully they’d been melting some snow in a bowl by the fire and it’d been ready for the throat rescue.

« Are you okay ? We should probably just shut up and eat alright. »

« Yes let us do just this. »

She patted their back. It was when it hit her, that it’d been real long since she’d get along so well with someone. They washed their little plates and eventually both laid back down, with very little else to do with themselves besides waiting forever in hopes for a next meal.

« Were are you from Noam ? If you don’t mind me asking. »

« I was from a small noble house in a mansion by the Waking Sea, Halamshiral was not very far away and we could hear the actual rocks crushing everything in the distance sometimes. Madness. »

« But Halamshiral is… A big city right ? What about the people there ? »

They genuinely broke a laugh at that. « What ? » They gave her a look, but she was clueless and confused, so they calmed down right away. « Listen, the Empress herself set half town on fire not so long ago. These are the Orlesians we’re talking about. They can’t care, it’s not built-in. The maker forgot to put a heart in those. »

She did remember something about Halamshiral burning after all. She cursed her foggy memory.

« But you don’t seem like you don’t care. »

They sighed. « Tsbecause I was never really a part of that life. I had plenty of suitable siblings who gladly entered the Game by 10, but I never saw the appeal and people were fast to give up on my case… Until recently. »

« Did something come up ? » She rolled on the side, story time !

« Well yes ! » Bitter. « Marriage came up ! »

 _Woaa._ It was somewhat predictable but hearing it for real was truly something else. Noam saw the obvious interest they’d raised and went with it, venting.

« So suddlenly there’s this girl from Verchiel, distant relative or whatever, from a branch the house was interested in scelling a deeper alliance with. Obviously in Orlais alliances mean marrying, they’d just trade offspring like goddamn currency. So they’d have this big reception where they introduce the various kids for the damsel to choose from and OF COURSE it appears there’s some appeal to my wary, avoidant demeanor, they told her that I was no good but it only made her want more as it is ‘ _Romantic_ ’ » their whole face wrinkled as it was articulating the word.

« Maker. As soon as I was fred from this nightmare I set the squire costume on fire and sought a fast way out of this. I took every precaution I could think of not to get tracked down that easily, so I panicked a little when I found you standing right there yesterday. »

« I understand. » She nodded.

« Ha, Maker. » They whined « I hate Orlais. »

« Is Ferelden any better ? »

They gave her a look. _Are you not Fereldan ?_ But their kind was known for despising the neighbour kingdom very deeply so that was only fair.

« No Game, less bullshit. But every place’s got their own vices that’s for sure. Still I think I have some chance of staying successfully hidden for a little around here so I’ll put up with anything really. »

She felt a bit sorry for them. She hoped she wouldn’t wreck their plan or anything. The respise seemed well deserved.

« At least in Ferelden they’re letting you see whoever you want, right ? »

Oh boy, there she went, having to make up stuff from memory again. She hated lying, she was a disaster at lying and she didn’t want her first friend to hate her so fast. Still any other option seemed out of question so there was no real choice.

« Well yes, I guess you could say that. On the other hand people wouldn’t really think about each other, from my experience at least : it’s pretty much all secluded farms, secluded villages, secluded towers. All is _secluded_ , everyone is in a bubble and there’s not much conversation besides daily business. What I am trying to say is that I didn’t have much friends in the first place let alone anything remotely close to an affair. I’m just _alone_ _forever_ , that’s me. I’m not sure you could draw overall conclusions out of my single tiny report though. Maybe be were just all very bad at socializing back there. » She shrugged. Was it any convincing ?

There was an uncomfortable pause, Noam was staring at her for a few seconds.

« You know what, I had assumed the nobles were exaggerating when they said Ferelden was just a land full of outright savages but I had no idea how much of it was propaganga garbage. You’re obviously quite educated. I am very angry right now. »

 _Shit, my cover_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lookit them all bashful and then rambling


	10. Paperwork

The Inquisition had been doing slow progress in the Hinterlands, most likely because of the downsized party at work there. It had only been Cassandra, the Herald, and scout Harding. Most of all they lacked magic support, but the Seeker was a fine Templar and could dispell at the very least, so they still managed. Solas’ leaving went absolutely unsurprising, he had been an apostate in broad daylight, nobody questionned his escape any further. He assumed the lady Pentaghast was disappointed, but she would have to put up with it. The little group successfully interrupted the fighting taking place in the central village and fetched the chantry sister they had been looking for. The next step was Val Royeaux, all was going according to the dream. As everyone was getting ready to leave the area, the elf would dispatch his own forces to Redcliffe. If he acted quick, he might be able to make it in time to see to whatever was about to strike the helpless mage refugees there.

He was towering over his own war table, which appeared to be very different from the one in Haven. He was all alone in leading all of this so it was drenched in tokens and notes, and the wall above covered in reports. It was hard keeping track of all of it, and had a lot to catch up on for the little time he’d played fade advisor for the inquisition. This was all a massive annoyance and the headache just wouldn’t comply to leave.

« Ser, news from the Lake Calenhad. »

« What is it. »

« Tevinter ships had been discovered »

He choked on his tea. « How come we haven’t noticed them by the nothern docks ? »

« They are using… stealth magic ? We are not certain, it is affecting their surroundings in a very odd fashion. But they are definitely here, we made sure of it. »

« Alright let me see the report. » He rubbed his eyebrows. Tevinter now ? The Venatori ? _Hmm_ , there was yet no way to know for sure, but it was fitting perfectly into his considerations.

Could the Venatori be trying to enroll the desperate rebels of Redcliffe ? This could also grant them easy access to Haven which was only a day away from the eastern coast. He thought about the upcoming attack. Somewhere in the middle of this bloody mess that was the ocean of notes all over his room, appeared a way to deal with most of Corypheus’ troupes in a single, well devised blow.

Let’s take everything away from him.

* * *

« Hey Red. »

« Bull. »

The woman was biting her nails, deeply absorbed in her letters. Crows were flying by in an ominous stream of constant intrigue. The Qunari drew a chair.

« I hear there are Vints at bay. Literally. »

« How’d you know so fast. » She squinted.

« I sense it in my horns. The cunning. » He gave her a look.

« Sorry for asking. » _Ben-hassrath_ _alright_. « Do you have a suggestion ? »

« It’s a tough one. Their ships come tightly packed, expect an army in. »

« Excellent. » She wrinkled her brow. « All we needed. »

« If only it was a handful we Chargers would gladly get rid of those for you. I’m afraid that’s a bit too many here, but you know of my _other friends_ that would heartily take a good look at the matter. »

She raised an eyebrow « Are you offering an alliance ? Is it this simple ? »

« There’s nothing a Qunari hates more than the fucking _Vints_. We’ve been at it for centuries for a reason. Also we can’t just possibly let them take over the south, or even try to, not now with all the magic bullshit ongoing, hole in the sky etc. »

« So what would you demand in exchange ? »

« It’s world order we’re talking about. This is no favor, it is _principles_. Anyway, the road is long but the ships are fast, if anything they could at least shut down any way out. Well, the only way out. Stupid Vints boldly entering a goddamn _lake_. What the fuck is with this strategy. That does show off some confidence alright. They think there’s no way to lose that one, we can’t let them have it. »

She considered.

« IMO the chances are very low that they’d be aiming for the Inquisition. What could you possibly represent to these obnoxious mage overlords. Sure for all we know the breach could be their doing and it’d be only the beginning of an even worse set of events, but you do know what there is right here. » Finger on Redcliffe on the Fereldan map. « Clueless cattle, they’d prey on that first. »

_Half the mages of Ferelden._

There was no way for them to stand up to Tevinter, not right now. It was too late to ask for help from the nearby empires and surely this would be regarded as a failure on their part. « Very well. » She crossed her arms. « Let us have Josie craft a suitable contract. »

« That’s why I love working with you Red. »

« And then we’ll need to collect the entirety of the mage refugees, by force if necessary. Let’s send our templars to get a hold on them. »

« ...Okay maybe do talk a bit to the lady ambassador first and foremost. »

* * *

« No we are absolutely NOT sending our templars there. Maker, Leliana, they’re just going to panic on sight and set the whole town on fire and further hurt the people and themselves. We can’t afford to make such a mistake. »

Josephine was working on the terms of the temporary alliance with Par Vollen, with some assistance from Iron Bull. It was not everyday one was exchanging with the dreaded warlord faction. This was definitely valuable experience and she did her very best at not screwing it up.

The spymaster grumbled in response. « Mbghlm-No time for kid gloves. »

« This is why you were the _left_ hand of the Divine, Red. » Bull smirked.

She was a bit hurt. « So what do we do then ? Just sit by in wait for doom ? »

« You’re being overly dramatic. » Said the ambassador, scribbling. « We can warn this dear Bann Teagan of the pending peril and have the whole town evacuate at once. We could gather their support in closing the breach and raise a whole lot of influence in the process. Listen, » She dropped her quill. « I know you want to protect the rebel mages but you can’t just do so against themselves. If we’re doing this we’re doing it right. »

« Fine. You’re right as usual. »

Very pleased with herself, she resumed the writing. « I wonder though, is a Tevinter army even enough to get these people to leave their beloved castle behind… Andraste help us. »

« Hey the Herald’s there right ? Wait no, forget about it. »

« Yes, let us not involve them in this delicate matter, I believe it is for the best. »

* * *

 _Excellent_. Thought Solas over the next report, though the Qunari alliance came unexpected but it was very welcome and helping. He’d never thought he’d ever think that way. The Venatori would be landing to an empty city, that was his chance to scheme something to screw them over good. They weren’t to expect to just go back home just like that, they were going to be very displeased. There was absolutely nothing of remote interest in the whole area, he assumed from his knowledge, so they would most likely be driven to indulge in some pretty serious looting or worse. The Venatori were acting outside of modern Tevinter politics, so this didn’t mean world war, not yet.

He’d kill for more insight in the future. This game thing was quite addictive. He saw that Corypheus was ultimately looking for the Herald in order to try ripping off the Anchor, which was fortunately impossible.

From that he started putting a pLaN together. The question was still just how much danger was he willing to put himself in. But if Corypheus had been developing some new kind of magic he _had_ to investigate. His little agents were all fine and well but knew very little in the grand scheme of things. The nothern mages had been digging up remainings of Elvhenan for a while (largely out of greed after falling upon his orb… So this was also sort of his fault) and surely they did end up uncovering some long lost arts of the people. Only he could see this out.

He went through the various notes one more time, in search for any hint. Now again the Evanuris had been pulling all kinds of sick experiments over their unfortunate slaves and he had long gave up on keeping tracks of it. At some point he knew it just had gone too far and all required immediate cessation. But the battle was never ending, and the evanuris had been fighting back fangs and claws even from the very black city, lulling magisters right into the fade, unleashing disaster all over again. Why couldn’t things simply go right for fucking once.

So, were things going to go better if he didn’t have them as they happened in the game ? Was it the gateway to free will at long last ? Did this mean he had a way to make it out of the endless spiral of failure ? He vowed to himself : any new mistake he would get aware of, he would fight his way towards averting. Because right at the moment not a single thing had worked so far so there had to be something he’d been doing wrong all the while. There had to be a third path lying down somewhere.

The days were suddenly feeling very long.

* * *

« You did _WHAT_  » Cullen was walking in circles.

« I took necessary action. Josephine agreed. »

« There are _four_ of us for a _reason_!  Maker save us all. »

« We’ve got to forge as many alliances as we can before it’s too late in order to survive this. »

« I know ! » He whimpered. « I know… I respect your work, obviously the Inquisition wouldn’t be much without you two… But were there truly no other way than… ! » He suddenly whispered «  _resort_ _ing_ _to the qun_  ».

« We’re not surrending to them. If anything they are a people of their word. The contract was tightly knitted, there _should_ be nothing to fear. Though one could argue we can only believe. »

He exhaled deeply.

« I am absolutely dispatching out troops in every single strategic location ever. »

The nightingale fixed her hood in place. « Yes, please do this. We’re going to need however many templars as we can manage. I hope the trip to Val Royeaux goes well because the extra help won’t hurt either. »

« Aaaahhh… We’re not ready for this !It’s like the whole world is against us ! »

« It might very much be so. » She flew another crow. « If all of that truly is the will of the Maker, then what’s the point ? He might be quite laughing up there, throwing misery around, gambling with our little mortal lives as it was nothing. But what is all of this for, in the end ? Justinia strived to serve him and now she is dead. We struggle as he plays, never satisfied until our very death lies before him. The suffuring never ends, it is never ending ! I prayed him for decades and for what ! I am getting extremely tired of this shit. Maker why don’t you show us the way when times are dire, just for **once**. »

He was speechless.

She glanced at him, she had forgotten he was still there and listening. Cullen was very upset at her lashing, she sighed. None of them had any idea of what they were doing. They were all together in this. « I’m sorry, this was but a moment of weakness, I shall keep it together. For the sake of the Inquisition. »

« Just... » He tried « Do your best, and let’s… communicate properly, okay ? We cannot be divided at such a time. »

« My apologies. »

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Canon diverging is sailing good, I hope I won't screw up tbh


	11. Freedom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Behold as I throw my lil fic into the deadly sulfur lake that are politics  
> Tis the end of me : the internet is gonna set me on fire  
> bye

« Do you think there would be any chance of catching fish if we pierced the frozen lake nearby ? »

« Mmmh we could always try but it’s gonna be tough. I can’t picture anything surviving under this amount of ice… But _you_ would be the winter expert here. »

Nellie laughed it out. As if she would be the expert of anything beyond whatever she happened to see in anime. Just how realistic had anime been all that time though ? She had absolutely no idea. But the truth was : they were both slowly getting more and more bored out of themselves and any new idea to do whatever was warm-welcomed as a new adventure. If Noam had a quest at all it sure was taking its time to trigger. She watched them as they grabbed some angular rock and walked to the pond with much resolution.

_TOC. TOC. TOCTOCTOC. TOC. TOC ?_

« How do you do this ? I can’t even scratch it. » _TOC. TOC. TOC._ Went the little stone.

« I think people are supposed to use saws ? »

« Heh that’s clever. I thought these were only for wood chopping »

They stared at the horizon for a little while, Noam realizing something.

« Oops. »

« What’s the matter ? »

« Rich makes stupid, I absolutely forgot to bring an axe. I think we’re in trouble. »

« ….How much wood is there ? » This was most worrying.

« A few days at most… Damn, nobles are good-for-nothings I can’t believe this. »

« You did your best. »

They were quite sulking all of a sudden.

« It seems we will have to plan an errand by Jader later this week after all… That would have been too easy. »

She was a bit looking forward to visiting an actual orlesian city. She tried to conceal it as it was not the right mood. « Do you think you’re gonna be found out ? »

« I hope not. »

_TOC. TOC._

_TOC._

« This really won’t work, right ? » They dropped the rock in defeat.

Then some faraway metallic sounds caught their attentions. It went on for a little while before stopping as abruptly. Seemed like they actually had a catch.

* * *

Both of them struggled greatly to turn the little animal into something edible. Honestly, it was a bit saddening and disgusting, but this was not the time to get picky. It kept them occupied the whole day all the way into the deep night. Their relative success did make it all worth it. The girl realized that in her world she had never ever worked for meals. She’d just throw the pasta into hot water and that was about it. But humanity as a species had had to put hard work into simple sustaining for actual millenias. _People are amazing_ , she would think. In the end it was just a new way to break her sense of worth to bits. It was her number one hobby as one might have noticed.

« Thanks for the meal ! »

« Thank you Maker for our survival... »

All of a sudden, the harsh challenge of providing several meals a day to both their bodies felt overwhelming. The meal had been okay but they were left bummed nonetheless. A precious burning log later, they set to bed. Their energy was obviously to be spared as much as possible from now on.

The girl thought about eventually getting accustomed to this little life. Things were a bit trying but there was peace in it and a sweet companion, and somehow she had never felt richer, even in comparison to the relative luxury of the plain homeworld western life.

The fire was kept tinier than before, and they were lying right next to each other like family. It was making her ache a little. She’d needed to get to a world of magics to experience just that, it was disheartening.

« Can’t sleep ? »

The teen had peeked from a single open eye.

« Sorry I’m thinking about stuff. »

« You really can apologize for about everything can’t you. »

« … Well _I_ _a_ _m sorry_  » she said in joke tone, but she was actually very serious, « but I thought I was growing happy to be here with you and it’s all very nice, but I just had this feeling that it was actually _too_ good and it couldn’t last that long... »

« ...Quite ominous... » The fire made a crack. « I am also thankful for this little idyll, and I can’t shake away the idea that you might be right… So we should make the most out of it while it lasts. Maker only knows what tomorrow’s gonna bring on our heads. »

They nestled a bit into one another, praying for another little day of peace.

Without transition, a tall elf went to her. « I salute you Nellie, how have you been today ? »

« Where did Noam go... » She whined.

« Is this the name of this other person you’ve been living with ? »

 _Living with_. That was about it. « I still wanted to chat... »

Having the girl stay in the single location for an extended period of time was extremely convenient. There’d still be something, somewhere on that godforsaken continent, that would still be under control.

« You are in a dream. Now let’s play your Dragon Age Inquisition pretty please, for I have a lot to see. » It kind of sounded like a chore.

They went back to the usual couch, he noticed he was getting used to the weird environment.

« So… Let’s get a new game ! »

 _What_. « Last time you did the save thing, was it not supposed to keep track of the progress ? »

« What do you mean last time ? »

His head dropped to his knees. _How could I be such an idiot._ He was devastated.

« ???? I don’t remember but wait, err, these games are pretty cool so I’m sure doing it over won’t be all that bad ! »

He had no choice. He had failed at foreseing this outcome and all had been lost as a result. He could not just give up, he had to see this to its end !

« Alright let us do it again. »

She pressed a button and the temple exploded for a third time.

This new game was very special, as he intended to get through everything in depth. His actions in the outside world had definitely been buying him time so there’d be plenty nights ahead for him to study. Also he had to investigate all the matters surrounding Redcliffe in the Hinterlands and explore the area throughout, this was a very good opportunity, and boy were there a lot more bears around than the reports ever suggested. At some point, he took over the controller, and had the girl merely translating bits every now and then and providing technical assistance. She was very fluent with this kind of artifact and he was a bit impressed.

These humans had nothing to feel ashamed for.

« May I ask a few questions ? »

« Yes ? » She was lazily slouched in the opposite corner of the couch, all cozied up.

« What kind of society did you live in ? »

« Mmh.. » Nellie stared at the bit of ceiling that would obstruct the fade sky. Smallest felt comfiest. « It’s very unequal. Like, there are only humans but they still managed to establish a very compley class system, based on skin tone, gender, origins, thickness, disabilities, faith, sexual activity, the amount of money they make, the amount of money they inherit, connections, schools, jobs, basically anything can be used to situate you in a big spectrum that will inform your whole place in society, it settles you into a social group. Different groups interract with each other, most are oppressed by the ones above them. It’s one huge hierarchy. »

He was striving to pick up a stone shard meanwhile.

« What about freedom ? »

« Why, where I come from we did choose our leaders to some extent, but it was always a choice out of a very limited selection of people from the same elite group which merely defends its own interests at most. There’s the illusion of freedom for almost everyone, but one could argue only the most privileged really get to make choices. The social control has been referred to as a prison with invisible walls. People are mostly tightly set on tracks they never get to leave albeit for a very few exceptions that get raised as examples. I believe this one was called survivor’s bias. Tis when your success story hides away everyone else’s failures in doing the same as you. That is the lie that is our freedom : ‘this person could do it, so everyone could do it. Just get your shit together and work harder.’ But nobody ever mentions the actual hundreds of people who lost everything in the background. Am I making any sense ? »

 _Just get your shit together and work harder_ is basically what he’d been telling himself for ages. He completed a constellation, which was actually kind of relaxing.

« What about happiness ? » That was the most relevant question to him.

« That I have no idea. »

« Excuse me ? »

« It is way more complicated than that. People are oppressed, people are crushed in gearwheels all over, my generation is especially desperate, because everything feels just wrong, there’s no sense of purpose, the rich eldery concentrates power and are absolutely not letting go, regardless of the consequences for the rest of the world. People are dying, whether it is poverty, overwork, depression, military assaulting their own people, also casualties of actual wars (because yes we still do have those, to steal ressources and impose influence), hunger and sickness in some parts of the world because of poor overall repartition. There are also hate crimes stemming from the class system I described. Everyone basically hates their neighbours, whatever the scale. That’s about it. »

« Mhmh. » He thought very hard about it. « It seems most of it arises from deep corruption after all. I should have expected that much. »

« What do you mean ? »

« Corruption is everywhere, corruption is the real foe of any breathing civilization. It makes everything rot and vanish to ashes. Your kind might be right on the verge of collapsing altogether. The people should rebel before it is too late. »

« I don’t know. There is still some hope lying around. I for one am not very optimistic but cynicism can’t be right. I guess it’s not over for good as long as there’s still hope withstanding somewhere ? »

He hummed. She thought about how could whatever she’d been saying fit into his in-universe base of knowledge. Ferelden had corruption for sure, let’s not mention Orlais which was a land of slavery alongside Tevinter. She had very little about the Nevarra, Rivain… Antiva was the lair of the Crows so there was no question. She didn’t remember a single thing about the Anderfels.

« Ha, but what about the Qun ? It seems to be doing fine ? It’s been around for long. »

She saw him wrinkle his bow. « The Qun is no good. The opposite of freedom. People are placed at a designated function for life. Break the low and you’re tortured back into order. They aren’t even _taught_ free will. This people needs to be _fred_ quick. »

_Wow that was quite the opinion right there._

« Mmmmmmh. If anything, you can’t just free someone from themself, they have to desire it first. You’d be just throwing them into the ocean without breaking any chain. They’re gonna drown. »

« Like Tal-Vashoth. I get it, » he shook is head « You can’t expect people who barely ever existed to suddenly take their own decisions. They have to relearn how to exist altogether. Emperors will never teach them as they just need them subjugated. It would cause some trouble at first but it’d get better as generations pass. If the people can’t fight for themselves in the beginning, someone’s got to do it for them, for that it is never ending otherwise. »

« But don’t you think the new lost people won’t be able to put together a whole civilization devoid of said corruption ? »

« Not if there is someone of virtue to show them the way. »

« That sounds like just another tyranny, though. »

There was a thick chunk of heavy silence after that. She hadn’t expected such a conversation to happen with a video game character and was glad for her past classes.

« It is a delicate matter, yes, but is it just better not to do anything then ? » He stared at her, very irritated.

« I have no solution. I think nobody ever figured this out in our whole history. Our best move was trying very hard to balance out freedom and justice but as you said, corruption was never that far. For what I know people were still somewhat fighting for their rights, who knows for how much longer, as it is very exhausting. »

« Exhaustion is but an excuse, one has the moral duty to fight for what is right. »

« This is a bit unfair. You might be right, ultimately, but it is never that simple. Now I can’t say much more, anything beyond that is beyond my ability to grasp. I wonder if there is even a way out of this mess. »

« There can be no way if you stop looking for one. »


	12. Memory

He was an idealist. She was a bit of a cynicist. She’d read about consent, power mechanics, submission, but it was hard to put sentences together and her own lack of investment into the matters of her life was impossible to defend against the bitterness of his attacks.

« It is just as you said. Everyone has been failing so far, even in the very ancient times. » He added.

Her ears twitched. « Do you know of the ‘very ancient times’ ? » There had not been much around, besides the chant of light, which was obviously a very southern, biased thing.

« I’ve journeyed deep into the fade walking through the remnant bits in the old dreams of long lost civilizations. Even the great ancient Elvhenan had its deep crippling flaws, and for all their immortality, the Elvhen went shattered all the same. »

She loved the elven lore, it was her favourite. « I thought Tevinter invaded the empire as they grew weakened from… Evolution. »

« Whatever the humans had set foot onto was already no more but a bunch of corpses. As much as they had the ability to live on forever, they were no invincible. The Elvhen rejected wisdom and proceeded to stab each other for the sheer sake of nothing. Over pointless power, madness. Wars waged, destruction ensued. Soon there was nothing left besides ruins burning still. The weakening, quickening, was but the final stroke of paint on the wide mural of utter chaos. There is nothing left of it. »

She would take notes if she could.

« But the Dalish are still there, preserving the culture and language. Let’s not forget about those struggling within alienages. »

«  _Tsk_  » he answered as he was hunting bandits off a keep.

_What now ?_

«  The fragments these fools have been keeping  are irrelevant, they don’t make any sense.  T hey have no idea of their original signification and choose to believe in whatever lie their archivists  have been willing to  feed them. »

«  Could you be more specific ? »  _BOOM_

« Those elven gods for example. Obviously they have no idea  _who_ they were. »

« Are you saying the gods were originally people ?! » Lore was dripping out of him.

«  Well. » He might have been talking a bit too freely. « It is not surprising given the empire used to be so very powerful  in magic . The strongest of them all  _would_ be very close to god hood .  To think the myth would live on for so long…  »

« I see. Mmh. » She reflected a bit. « Doesn’t it sound a bit Tevinter ? »

« You would have no idea how right you could be. It is a real tragedy for the Tevinter empire to become the only living form of elven legacy. It pains me to see only the worst of us could stand up to this day. »

_W_ _ait a minute_ . « You don’t  really  associate with the  current elves do you ? »

« I can’t, for that _I_ am not a shadow. But nobody cares about  any of this. I am merely the lone wolf, apostate mage from a nothern village. Walking the dreams of others as I am right now is about all I do. Learning is all I _can_ do.  As much as I do complain about the lost past and the [fellow] present elves, at least they have been doing what they can with their little knowledge and that, I suppose, still ought to be counted as _something_. »

I t was hard to pinpoint whether he was being narrow-minded or not .  «  Why not share the knowledge  then  ? »

He gave her a look. « Have you ever tried telling the Dalish that they had been all wrong, that they gods were long gone lords of slaughter, that their fall had been their very own doing from the beginning, and their eery vallaslins actual slave markings ? Have you ever tried that ? I did, and I will leave it to your imagination for how well this has gone.  »

_Oh my god._

«  But ultimately this is still my fault for giving up. I failed them as I failed at bringing the truth to daylight. »  He sighed. « Brooding on your shoulder w ill solve  nothing , I am well-aware of this.  Could you  please read this for me ?  »

_Text on the screen._ _O_ _kay_ . She breathed.  This conversation had been intense for a  fair while now.  Honestly, t his was too much pressure.  She looked at the screen for the ne w codex entry.

«  Come to me my love. The dreams have guided you

this far, and now i write these words with your

own hand, for you to read when you wake. You

are so close. Come to the tree on the hill where

the stone lady stands, bearing felandaris so that

i know you, and we can finally be together

forever.  »

«  Thank you very much. »

« ... Sounds fishy »

« Indeed, this in fact could not scream **demon** any louder. I can only imagine the outcome. What is this text on the side of the screen saying ? »

« It tells you to check it out... »

« Why would anyone in their right minds  ever  want to do that ? This is a demon preying on loneliness. Is the Herald lonely ?  So much that he falls for the obvious trap ?  »  He shook his head.

«  Well no this is not about him. »  _Is this not ????_ He glared.  She continued.  « You’re going there because there are rewards to collect  usually . »

«  So a re we to make contracts with the demons now ? »

«  I… Don’t think so ? Most likely picking up  nearby  treasure chests. »

«  Your games use items t o lure you into bringing people to locations that could  drive them to either death or possession ?  I am not  willingly  leading him to his fall, this is just absurd !  »  Voice rising.

«  Listen, there is something that you need to know, »  s he tried very hard to stay chill,  « it is somewhat a tacit  law that the player character and immediate party is not able to die no matter what. Nothing will truly ever happen to them, or there wouldn’t be games to play anymore. You are entitled  to see t he story develop and reach its  very end .  It is like a safety rule for you : unless your game is a survival game, there’s truly nothing to fear,  ever .  »

_W_ _hat,_ _did_ _these games actually provide invincibility in exchange for possessing_ _souls_ _?_ _And what the hell were these survival games, they sounded like a whole_ _new_ _level of_ _abjection_ _._

To that, he reached the conclusion : the creators of these games, the Bioware people,  were EVIL ITSELF  and must definitely be STOPPED  at all costs .

«  Do you know if there is someone r ight now,  playing me playing this thing ? »

_Now this is getting meta._ « Mmh. You’re real, that’s what I think. »

 _¿ ¿ ??¿ ?Thank you ??¿ ¿ ??_ He was shocked. Were they nothing more than ‘game characters’ to those humans ? Was that what it meant ? _‘_ _They are not alive’_ He remembered from their first encounter. That was it, definitely.

«  What is the point of this ? »

«  The point ? »

A knot of raw anger was growing in his throat, suffocating. « Why are you doing this ? Why are the Bioware s  creating tho se  ?  What is the benefit you are  getting from manipulating us into  the most hazardous situations ? »

She curled up in the couch,  losing obviously . «  We… play games… as escape mechanism…  I do...  »

«  Do you not have any awareness ? Do you not have morals ? We are not toys to be thrown out the windows. We are not the flat dolls that your screens put on display. We have  layers , we have depth, we have agency ! Or don’t we ? Are we no more than just that ? Tell me  what it is that  has been going on here !  »

S he withered and withered, the whole world was spinning. She couldn’t breathe, she wanted to escape. She could manage people a bit, poorly but it would do, she could somewhat handle people but she could  **not** bear anger.  She panicked. She woke up.

He clicked his tongue. What had he just done  now , going out of his mind like that.  He saved the game before the dream vanished, and this time it was going to last.

* * *

« Karen, Karen ! Are you alright ? »

She opened her eyes to Noam’s anxious face. She was drenched in cold sweat, breathing heavily. She was confused at first, where was she, what happened ? Just, WHAT ? She sat up, rubbed her eyes. She was in her tiny bed-blanket, by a cracking fire, in the very same fashion she had been going to sleep the night prior. It was still dark outside. The everlasting silence of the snow was muffling the tiny house. Every thing was just the way it had been, every thing was alright, she was safe.

But the feeling of dread wouldn’t comply to leave her. She was aching in her soul. And most of all : she was remembering the dream.

The _Fade walker_. He was real, it was him, and he had been stepping into her dreams. For how long exactly ? She couldn’t shake the sensation that it had been going on for days. He had been there, watching her babbling in her sleep. It was agonizing for all kinds of reasons.

She wanted to scream. He knew **everything**. And now he wanted to kill her, probably. And she could do NOTHING about it. It was over. She was in Thedas and a powerful mage Dreamer who had bothered to follow her around now outright hated her. But wait, actually, she should have realized way earlier.

‘ _I am genuinely interested in your stories but this will wait for trust to take place. I understand._ ’

 _YOU LIAR_. She perished into the blankets.

« … Can I do something ? What’s wrong ? Do you feel sick ? » She was in blattant distress.

« ..Sorry. It’s… Nothing. »

« Did you have a bad dream ? » They patted her back.

« It was **awful**. I never want to sleep ever again. » She was trembling a lot.

« Oh no » he patted more. « There, there. Take some warm water, it will soothe you down. »

« Arg... » she reached for the wooden bowl they were handing her. It was very mild, she just kept it between her fingers for a moment.

_What should I do ? Should I tell them ? Oh my god how do I tell them ? Are they to be in danger because of me ?_

She just stared down her clear water, her whole brain was a mess. Could she … ‘get out of fade range’ by running further into Orlais ? Was it even possible ?

She looked at her comrade. There was no way she could just ask them, they were on the run themselves.

_Aaaaahhhh_

Noam did their very best to comfort the girl, with very little success. Thankfully, when they opened the doorway to check on the traps, they could find that a bunch of rabbits had been waiting for them. They were even able to release one youngster back into the wild before it was too late. They both immediately undertook the skinning and cooking. It lasted for hours.

But the girl would just not calm down and her friend was getting very worried.

« Hey Karen, what about a little change of pace ? Since we’ll have to visit Jader in the near future, maybe we could bring it forward to this afternoon ? »

She dropped whatever she had in her hands. « Is this... going to be okay ? »

« Are _you_ going to be okay ? The Valley isn’t that far, I know an easy way down. We could just make it. The sooner the better in my opinion. »

Nellie tried to think a little but she couldn’t hear herself over the internal screaming. Leave, now, she wanted to _leave_ _now_.

« Okay. »

Noam smiled at her. « It’s going to be alright. »

« Thank you. »

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hrrhhrrhhrhrhrhrhrhrrr the biowares must be defeated !!!!  
> Solas plot, wooo  
> Drama everywhere that's the content I'm here for


	13. Outing

Solas finished the night off drifting along with a memory of his stronghold, looking for the very little rest he still was to get before dawn took over and collecting his mind right back into duty. Every time he’d thought he had got to the bottom of things, it kept digging deeper. Forever.

He laid his eyes over the beloved forest of Alathan. It was bustling in spirits and people alike. Where _those_ humans already striking back then ? Had they been the ones behind the growing madness of Andruil ? The fury of Elgar’nan ? Did they perhaps get Mythal assassinated to serve their little fantasies of ‘escape mechanism’ ? Was it delightful to see the whole world fall apart ? If they were so displeased with their lives they should just do something about it instead of harming the defenseless people lying under them. It looked like the Thedasians were at the very bottom of this social structure that she had described. A group oppressed by everyone else to lash their frustrations onto. Wonderful.

After all these years, the Veil he had set with great effort was now falling apart, endangering all of existence. After all these years, a corrupted magister was about to seize control over reality. If all of it had been the will of the Biowares…

Then the Evanuris were not the real threat to counter. It was _them_. _It was them who caused all the trouble_. It had to be. And thinking about that, it all made way more sense. The relentlessness of fate mocking his every actions had been no coincidence !

He would examinate the games. He would examinate the _quests_ , and he would sabotage every single one of them. Starting with the Venatoris.

He woke up in renewed resolve. He who started from saving his friends, then tried saving his people. He vowed then, that he would free all of them from the greater menace, the source of all evil.

A lot of work piling up.

* * *

Noam’s travelling back tightly packed, fire put out, blankets as shields against the raging frost, the two kids took the road, or rather the snowy track, that would lead all the way to Jader very soon. They held hands as they went, to provide comfort and fortitude in their trying little journey.

In the far distance, wolfes would be keeping watch.

Nellie cheered up a bit on seing a cute squirrel running down a tree. This world was full of life, and it was her world now. She squeezed the muffled hand every now and then to make it real again.

It was _so_ calm. It was hard to believe that armies had been warring all over for months, that five blights had rampaged, that dragons were around, and now demons from the Fade. In this madness, their cozy little life was still going fine as a tiny miracle.

 _Maybe,_ she thought, _I fell into a deep coma and I am_ _simply_ _going to wake up someday… I don’t want to leave… I really don’t want to leave…_

It would take a fictional world of magics to have her finding some value in life.

« Mom ? » She risked.

« Yes, child. » Noam stared at her in amusement.

« Are we there yeeeeet ? »

They nudged her, snorting. « Can’t you see before us, the gracious flower fields of wonders, the warm glow of the spires of both gold and silver, can’t you hear, child, the distant echoes of the bustling crowd, the joyous carillons tinkling, the dances, the parades, the feasts, but beware, my dear child, as you can feel it in the dark, the everlasting dread of plotting and treachery, cries of families torn apart, of friendships gone amiss. Take a step forward, young lady, as Val Royaux lies bare before you, as the Game heartily welcome a playful princess in its arms. » They both giggled for a while.

The theatricals over, they sighed in the distance. « I know Orlais, it’s all fancies and plays until it tries to eat you. Just keep your eyes open. If we stick together we might just make it. I’ll try to guide you through all the bullshit. »

« How come people are even surviving this ? If they keep killing each other all the time, at some point there has to be nobody left anymore. »

« Alas my lady, I’m afraid they do reproduce faster than they get devoured. Just like the little nugs. »

 _That is not very nice_ , she’d say, but they had been enduring this daily mess for over a decade and she didn’t want to bug them.

They kept chatting iddly, and they were able to make way more progress than she had upon fleeing Haven on her own. She knew where she was going, how she would get there, and she had been willing to go. It was very reassuring. She was somewhat in control of what was happening. And she had even made a friend along the way. Plus an ennemy...

Maybe this had been the beginning of her own fantasy adventure after all ! _Think positive_.

As they grew closer and closer to the valley, they would start noticing people in the distance. Even in these dark times, business was unfolding, farms cultivated, merchandises transported. Noam was carrying a bunch of daggers in case of bandits, but as Nellie would be deadweight in combat, they just wished they wouldn’t come across any of those and walked forward in haste, avoiding absolutely everyone in sight as much as possible. At some point, they had to cross the highway that was connecting Halamshiral to Orzammar, but it was tightly guarded day and night as the major trade route it was, so it went smoothly.

They were very close to the city when they stopped by an inn late into the night.

The girl dove into the bed to the sheer entertainment of her comrade.

« It’s a BED !! »

« Bed it is. Go easy, we wouldn’t want to extend out expenses. »

« Mpfh » she pouted. « I am not _that_ heavy. »

« And this room isn’t _that_ pricey, so it’s got to be saying something. » They unloaded their bag right by the bed. It was quite light but still trying on the back after so many hours. « But we did good so we ough to celebrate ! » They said showing off the bowls of soup the hostess gave to them upon arrival.

« Woo » the girl clapped her hands. It had been way too long since _vegetables_. Hah, she was such an adult to even think that at all.

They sat down and started eating cheerfully.

« So, » Noam started, « Let’s talk a bit about Jader, yes ? It is the least orlesian city of Orlais. It is right by the border of Ferelden and so frequently sees lots of various people passing by, surface dwarves in particular. There have been a lot of refugees from the blight as well, all cramed into the poor districts. »

She remembered the whole deal about surface dwarves who couldn’t ever go back to their underground kingdom. It was a weird belief but dwarves were extremely strict with their rules and values, and if this was her worldstate, her choice of king hadn’t helped at all. She had hesitated for actual hours, before giving up altogether. There was not a single _good_ choice there, she decided.

She nodded.

« We wouldn’t draw too much attention… I believe. I could get us regular iron masks to blend in perfectly but honestly I would rather save the money... »

« Yes, it sounds more reasonable. » But she could feel them getting a bit uneasy. « Are you going to be alright ? With your pursuers and stuff ? »

« Mmmh yeah… Well… … yeah… »

« We should find you some disguise. Even something simple. »

« I could cover my face in dirt but then the city wouldn’t let me in at all. » They laughed.

« I’m serious ! Something as simple as a scarf could make the do. » She’d do that everytime she would pass by an area where people would know her, like by her late high school or the library.

« I guess so. Plus, they certainly wouldn’t expect to find _me_ in such lovely company. Because this is what it will look like I am well aware. »

 _She blushed a bit_. « So am I providing diversion ?? »

« Behold : Lady Karen, the legendary heartbreaker. »

« Hheeyyy !!! » She picked them with her kind of pointy spoon, blushing a lot now.

« You’re going to be fine. Really the only problem here is me. »

 _Sure_ , she thought, glancing at the bowl. Her companion didn’t know that she could also be sought for and going to cities wasn’t the smartest plan at the moment. But she couldn’t hide forever either, and this was a chance to take a deeper look at some more of Thedas, she wanted to grasp it.

But then, the meal was done, the exhaustion was lurking, and the crippling fear seized her thoughts back.

« Let’s turn in for the day ! A long day awaits. »

« ………………… »

Noam considered. « Are you still scared about the dream ? »

She whined. « I never remembered my dreams and it was so **convenient**  ! I… I don’t know how to deal with this… I don’t want to see it again… I don’t wanna... » She felt very ashamed because this person was like six years younger than her but was nonetheless the one acting as the older sibling of their pair.

« There, there. Let’s lie down and I will tell you stupid stories of the glorious mishaps of orlesian nobility life. If ridicule could kill that would be a bloodbath. Come on. »

« MnbgmfYes mom »

« Don’t be like that » _Pat pat_ « We will do our best and we will do amazing. »

She braced herself for two hours between Noam’s caring arms. Then she finally fell asleep, there was no one to be found there. After a little while of wariness, she was able to let herself melt into the blissful randoms of the fade shenanigans like it was an old acquaitance. She could see memories, more vivid than they had ever been. She could feel, she could smell, she could touch, the things wouldn’t disappear. She could read text and hours and the words wouldn’t change as she had learnt they would do in the ones from homeworld.

« There would be no way to know that this is a dream ! »

Was it what lucid dreaming stood for ? It was extraordinary.

She wondered, all of a sudden.

« What was my life like, before all of this ? »

The surroundings blent together and slowly shaped a building. She recognized it, as it had been her block for a set of six very long years. There were little trees around it, they had been newly planted in an attempt to make the overall city less desolated. Greens were always a good thing for human well-being. They had the tiniest tiny leaves in sign of the early days of a brand new spring. She typed the code on a panel and pushed the sturdy glassdoor open. The insides smelt of borh perfume and fine cooking. Was it all a memory ? It was feeling different.

Step by step, she went towards her appartment. It was right at the ends of the corridor. Hah, but she had no key, she realized, as she felt cold metal lurking in her right hand. That was precisely said key. That fade thing was hella convenient. So she opened the door to discover the very same room she already knew by heart.

But she withdrew a little on seing her own body lying still before her.

_[ Are you happy ? Are you happy ? Are you happy ? Are you happy ? Are you happy ? Are you happy ? ]_

The comfy casual vibe entirely vanished into burning anguish.

An icy feeling seized her ankle. The body had moved, arm reaching to her feet.

[ _I_ _don’t care anymore_ _… I_ _don’t care anymore_ _… I_ _don’t care anymore_ _… I_ _don’t care anymore_ _…_ ]

She tried pulling back, but it wouldn’t let her go.

[ _I want to disappear I want to disappear I want to disappear I WANT TO DISAPPEAR I WANT TO DISAPPEAR_ ]

The lying form strived to stand up, its face was otherworldly. Staring right at her.

Nellie screamed as it glomped her. She tried to move but couldn’t, every single muscle was numb and her voice was no more.

[ **WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME BEHIND** ]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [IT WAS THEM WHO CAUSED THE TROUBLE](https://dreadwolfpupy.tumblr.com/post/141151904878/bubonickitten-dragon-age-inquisition)  
>  Noam is a+ mom material yo  
> Eww creepy nightmare


	14. Jader

She jolted up panting. Ceiling. Bed. Inn. Noam. How long had it been ? It felt like two minutes. The worst two minutes ever. She sobbed quietly, cautiously, not to take her peaceful friend away from their nice sleep™. Was this revenge cast by the elven Dreamer ? She sat and curled up. He wouldn’t let her sleep anymore. The nightmare, it was wrong. It was too real. She couldn’t take it.

The night never ended. It never ended for hours until it finally did. Through the window, the spotless starry night melted into the sweetest dawn. This was the first time she’d see the clear sky of Thedas. She stared at the outside world for another hour. There was already so much life ongoing down there. Her scare only furthered the deep anxiety lurking. She thought about staying hidden at the Inn while Noam would tend to their business in town, but she had to provide diversion for the sake of their little happiness. She was involved with someone now and they were counting on her. She wouldn’t let them down.

She cried a bit more.

Eventually, the friend woke up, it came as a relief. Being alone through the everlasting night was trying on the sleepless. There was no internet to kill off the hours browsing social media in the dark, squinting at a the white screens.

There was much to be done, so they didn’t waste any time and set off to the new day. The beloved bed was a bit hard to let go, but she endured. She was an adult and had to act like one sometimes.

There were even more people strolling outside by then. The pair resumed holding hands and cut through the busy crowd. After a little while, they lined up by the great wall surrounding the city where people were held before allowed to step in. It progressed very slowly, but they were able to go in before noon.

Inside of Jader was a whole other world. Shining masks sparkly frills on one side, pointed ears in aprons and barefoot about everywhere else. Dwarves were roaming around the near taverns. There were lots of soldiers on patrol as well : that was civil wars for you. They made their little way to the shopping district.

« What’s this ? » asked Nellie, going through the various stalls. Everything new and exciting.

The dealer would laugh at her and answer. « These, my lady, are some very fine dwarven crafts, direct from Orzammar !! »

« What does it do ?? »

« This right here, is for enchanting. » The woman then went on a little demonstration, to the wonderment of her very foreign client.

Noam stood by her side, she had this sincerity, this eagerness, that it would appease them even by the depths of hellish Orlais. She bowed at the shop keeper upon leaving and went to the next stand. Alright, this looked like it would take longer than expected.

Eventually they did make it to the smith, and were able to collect sturdy tools for their daily needs. They got a second bag to have the girl carry, so that they could double their pile of belongings. It was all going well until a strong smell caught them.

Food stall, alluring, unwithstanding. They looked at each other and gave in. A little splurge couldn’t be _this_ harmful. It would just for this one single time. They came to this agreement and reached for the snacks. It was little fried meat balls with caramel sauce, and it was a _delight_. They stopped by the central fountain and sat on the edge. Heavy bags dropped to the side.

The whispers of water, the distant laughs and small cries, the brushing warmth of a sun at zenith, the light touch of a friendly shoulder. This had to be what the word bliss was for.

Nellie giggled as little birdies went to them. A carriage drove by.

The carriage stopped by.

« Hey ! »

_Huh-huh._

Two persons descended. Noam reached for a dagger, but all the guards were staring all of a sudden. The picture was broken.

« Let’s have a little chat... »

 _Run_.

But as they tried to escape, the soldiers seized them both.

« We didn’t do anything ! » Nellie struggled.

« What do you want from us ? » The other asked bitterly.

But they were largely ignored, instead the guards inquired the two men. « What is the deal with those ? »

« The girl, the Grand Duc will most certainly want her for company. »

« Very well » They tossed her in their direction.

Noam cried out : « Karen !! » Drew their arm to her, an array of giant ice spikes then surrounded the scene. The bystanders screamed and a commotion burst out, runaways stepping on each other.

« WE ARE UNDER ATTACK »

The city was soon thrown into complete chaos.

 _Tsk_ « A mage ? » the chief soldier cursed. « Whatever, get him secured. Templars ! »

Meanwhile, Nellie was discarded into the carriage, her struggling useless.

The helpless friend had no idea what was happening, but was going to try anyway, so they threw their arms forward and cast whatever energy flow they could sense, which translated into thunder, only furthering the shrieking from people all around. They managed to reclaim their freedom but were soon contained into a corner.

« Fucking mages. There’s no end to them !! » said the guy who was tying the girl down. « Stay still you stupid ram ! »

« Why are you doing this ?! »

« Shut up. »

She was violently thrown to the back, her head hit the wood and she dropped to the side. So she had been found out in the end. This was the end of her carefree little days. Was she to be sent back to Haven ? Leliana would kill her, Solas would kill her. Most importantly : what would happen to Noam now ? Had that been magic ? According to Varric’s story, this was a _very_ bad time for all mages. _Oh no_. She couldn’t leave them behind. The stakes were way worse than mere forced marriage. They would kill them !

It seemed early death was their shared destiny.

Things had been great for the time they lasted…

_Farewell… I’m sorry…_

* * *

« Serah Leliana, the lady Nellie has been sighted. »

The spymaster was on yet another coded message, spreading news of the upcoming attack from Tevinter, getting the allies to protect what they could.

« Yes, thank you, tell me more. »

« She has been captured by the Grand Duc Gaspard in Jader. »

She broke her quill. « Anything else ? »

« It seemed he had some business with her, but she was caught by complete surprise nonetheless, like a kitten. As far as our data goes, it does not add up. »

« Thank you very much. You’re dismissed. »

« Aren’t we doing anything about this ? » They asked, stern.

« This has nothing to do with the Inquisition, it was only for my own selfish interests. »

« Very well. »

As the messenger went off, she contemplated the horrendous ink stain spread on the paper.

She had long learnt not to mix her private and professional lives. This was a matter of survival. She took another sheet and started over with intense dedication. She would need to get every single thing neatly taken care of.

The little candle flickered into the night as the edges of the left hand settled for an all-nighter.

* * *

« Ha, my good lieutenant Gérard ! Salutations, please do come in. »

« Forgive me for my intrusion, votre Seigneurie. »

« This is nothing, my good friend. Show me as I can wait no more. »

A round form was dragged before his feet. The Grand Duc knelt and took a good look at the terrified face lying right above the floor.

« My. This is quite enchanting. What could _you_ be doing in such a place, I wonder. Little mouse. You shall be my guest. Just put her with the other, I am not so cruel that I would deny them the little reunion, as I suppose this is what this is about. But know, kitten, that you both belong to me now. »

_What is he talking about ??????????_

« Who… are you... »

« My, I shall apologize. I, my lady, am the Grand Duc Gaspard, rightful pretender to the throne and soon to become the new Emperor of the Great Orlais. I am most delighted to make your acquaitance. » Turning to the soldier. « Now please, I must hold a meeting so clean this fereldan mess off the carpet. It is going to stain. »

What was Gaspard doing there during the Civil War ? Weren’t they unofficially throwing rocks at Halamshiral castles anymore ? But she could painfully see that the stories of her friend had been no fantaisies, for that the amount of noble shit at play in this single room was excruciating.

The soldier lifted her like a sack of potatoes, but gave up right as he passed the door, yes, she was heavy, serves him right ! He managed to get her to what seemed to be a dungeon underneath, he opened a big cell and shoved her inside with little care. Door locked back, he threw a last pissed glare, scribbled a note and left at once.

Nellie coughed a bit, his grip had been fierce.

« You good ? Well no, obviously not. Forget it. »

Who- _OH MY GOD_. They caught each other’s eyes and froze in their stances.

_NnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooooooWAY_

« Okay, what the actual fuck ? » The person broke a smirk of disbelief.

THIS.

WAS.

HER SELF-INSERT WARDEN.

_HOW WOULD SHE GET AWAY FROM THIS ?????????????_

Wait, most importantly : what was the warden even doing here ?

«  **Did Gaspard capture you ?**  »

« No I happened to fall down a hole and ended up in this cage. Can’t climb back, The End forever. »

 _What the hell was happening_ « How long have you been here ? »

« Dunno, time passes. Can’t even see the sun from here u kno, tried to keep tracks of minutes but gave up on that too. »

« You are the hero of Ferelden !! How is this possible ! »

« That I am. And so you are to be my hidden twin or something ? Wow, mom, hadn’t seen that one coming. »

Nellie was _speechless_.

« So, you’re family right ? Do I know you ? I don’t remember much. ’M sorry you’d been dragged in this mess cause of me. Also sorry in advance for all the shitty puns. Been in there for too long. »

« What... » She paused to think. « Why would Orlais try to catch you ? This is politics right ?? »

« Heh, tsalways politics. All of it. I’m tired, just wanna go down those good deep roads and slay some fine darkspawn like the good ol’ times til I pass. Fcking Orlais ruining all the funs. »

« … Have you ...been hearing the calling ? »

« P much yea, » the warden shrugged between her chains « you know lots, mirror-face ! But you didn’t answer, do I call you lil sis or what ? »

« ……… Yeah... »

« So what’s your name ? » It looked like the most exciting news she’d got in ages.

« Nellie. »

« MmmmHow old are you ? »

« 25 »

« Aww. » Narah winced. « Too bad, missed by a year then. Okay, how’ve the oldies been ? »

This was getting tricky.

« I’ve been out for a long time so... »

« Well yea, went all the way to Orlais, that’s some far trip, what were you looking for ? »

The girl paused.

« …………Purpose ?? »

« BaHaHA. You’re a cute one. Shouldda aimed for Anderfels. I hope you survive this crap. Can tell you don’t deserve this. »

She glupped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy reached the first important part I was aiming for  
> It appears the self-insert thing went quite amiss


	15. Shitty puns

« Maker I kneel to you as I beg for mercy »

« Aww come on !! I’ve got another one ! »

« Hhhhhhhhhhhhhh »

« Sometimes………..No matter how far you push the envelope………… it will still be…... stationary………... GET IT ?? »

_At this point, Nellie had been lying flat on the ground, her mind flying far away into the remote distance, she was thinking of death, life, of the stars and galaxies. She was thinking of the sweet droplets of dew from the chilly spring mornings, the grace of the tall swans floating down the ponds in that lil park she’d visit, the double rainbows all the way across the skies, roses were red, violets were blue, the author stared at the nothing, which stared back, and they knew, at this moment, was all dignity had been long lost, forever. But – hah ! – The girl thought of the wonders of the deep dark forests, overworldly, as they glowed peacefully in the dim blue moonlight !! Wolfes and fairies hiding just off her sight, that she could almost reach… At her innocent fingertips of the pure hearted maiden… But – oh ! – There she was, floating over the cotton candy clouds, surrounded by thousands of multicolor butterflies, flapping along as they passed by, waving at her, comforting. She remembered those videos on tumblr, the cute cats, the puppies, the capybaras – oh ! the capybaras – that embodied love itself, boundless, unrelenting, that tied all life as one, all fates assembled in the wide ocean of existence, and she knew, that in the grand scheme of things, they were all connected, eternal, that nothing ever mattered, because love, dear capybaras, love was everything. It was her, it was you, it was the author on the verge of collapse on their words. Love was life, and life was an adventure, her wonderful RPG adventure, that had been kicking off wonderfully !!! She felt blessed and fulfilled in this never ending dance of History itself. She was the whole world, and the whole world was her. What else could she ever ask for ? She opened her eyes, rejuvenated, as it appeared crystalclear that she could finally die without regrets._ She exhaled.

« Shit I broke her. »

Somebody entered the dungeon. « If I may interrupt your lovely chat… I salute you again and welcome you to my secret lair. I hope everything suits to your delicate tastes. Oh, how follish of me, Fereldans _don’t_ have tastes. Ha. Well well, ignorance is bliss. Sophistication is such dire labor. I envy you, ladies. »

« You hear something ? My sophisticated-ass ears cant take shit I’m afraid. » Narah rolled her eyes dramatically.

« Yes, let us get down to business » Gaspard answered, « now with the unexpected turn of events, I assume that we could finally come to an... _agreement_ , could we not ? »

« Plaît-il, monseigneur ? »

He chuckled, dragged a chair and sat in a self-assured stance.

« I do realize that torture is banned from the code of chivalry. _However_ , this lost lamb we recently sheltered, it is not from any record, not of any status. To say it in a short and simple manner : it is **nothing**. Now can we be held responsible for some nothing ? » He laughed. « If nothing is the problem, the problem is none. I will make you cooperate darling, it is but a matter of time. »

« You won’t lay a single finger on her you orlesian bastard. »

« Yes, I will not do anything that comes unnecessary. Time is business, I hate wasting it. Now speak at once and I might not harm you. »

« Eat shit and die. »

He retorted a smug humming, put his hands to his knees and stood up, towering. « I shall see how much longer you will keep that act up. I bid you farewell for now. May Andraste grant you a pleasing night, as it might be your last. Mesdemoiselles. » He curtsied and left.

« Damn fancy shithead. »

The cage was then very quiet all day. They got some bland food at some point, and the girl finally broke the heavy silence hovering.

« What is it that Gaspard wants from you ? »

« Bullshit noble wants to be the Emperor, wants me to ask the King to pledge loyalty and join in the war against Celene. Dude conquers both sides, becomes god and dwells in self-satisfaction forever ?? Seriously I don’t get it : he’s already got everything he wants. But no, as he still lacks worship. Stupid obnoxious dumbass entitled brat. »

« Would the king really give up on the country just like that ? »

« The boy had a fucking _crush_ on me. I bet he’s not over it. And gBasptard probably knows it. Shit. I don’t know what to do. »

« Why doesn’t he just threaten him with your death ? »

« Cuz it would paint the man evil, he wants Ferelden to see their lil herogirl on his side. He wants to take my charisma for himself. Killing me would only cause insurrection all over the land. The Fereldan are weaker but heeeella passionate, they won’t take any of this shit. They could burn all Orlais down if only they united for a cause. Well yea that’s what I did, unite them for a cause. Tskinda being used against us now I guess. Damn politics. I had _retired_. »

Poor warden, her life had been such a chore. And to think that her disappearance had only been hiding even more crap, it was disheartening. _Wait_.

« You retired. Right after the Archdemon ? Where did you go ? »

« Yea, had to hunt down bunch of remaining darkspawns for a while, then I tried to seek a cure for the taint because why the fuck not. Didn’t find much, I’ve been collecting books mostly. Did you know that dragons formed cysts to contain their blighting ? I went all the way to Nevarra to dig that one up. This took forever, I visited about all of Thedas to do a whole lot of random stuff, because that’s what research is about apparently. I wish I still had Morri around cuz she was so good at doing that, looking into things forever until the answer appeared. But is was just my own dumb self. I was dragging around scholars as assistants but they were u s e l e s s, couldn’t even defend themselves from a damn bear. Half Ferelden is beardom yeah ? It went as good as you can imagine. »

The girl nodded to the story. « But why did you never pay visits ? To your friends at least ? »

« I’m not shitting you I was busy all the time. I lost track of days and before I realized, all these travels had chewed whole years off. But how d’ya know about my friends ? Did they drop by looking for me or something ? »

_Okay. This was happening._

« I... »

Narah was staring at her, expectant.

« … I might… Have… » she breathed in and out. « Okay I saw Leliana and she’s devastated. Why did you leave her. Why the fuck did you leave her !! »

_It was done._

« Aw, my Leli, hows she been doing ? Where did you see her ? She still in the clergy ? »

« She’s become a spymaster for Haven. She used to be the left hand of the Divine, which lives no more because some magic war has been happening and the world is falling apart ! Now don’t you dare ignore me ! WHY. YOU LEFT HER. »

Sitting warden extended her legs and breathed. « Even more bullshit, I see. Ferelden must be cursed. » The girl was glaring furiously. « It’s a bummer that she lost her chantry job so soon. »

Nellie lost it and threw a boot at her. Narah dodged obviously.

« Listen kiddo. I bet you’ve heard hundrleventh stories about my little fifth blight team and most of them are probably true since we got to do so much shit for about everyone and their uncle. We saved every single village one after the other and seen some truly sick weirdass situations. Leliana, she is a good kid. She thought she was a chosen of the Maker when I picked her up. She was telling stories, singing, we would talk about shoes and riddles. She would always come up with the most random topics and we’d talk whole nights off. It was a blast, I regret nothing. But this nasty stuff I got her into, there are some things that can never be unseen. Ever. My heart belongs to her forever, tis why, after killing off her master myself, I decided that the kid long deserved to settle down, she deserved her happy life of songs and prays, no more bullshit. She’d rise in the sky and glow by the dazzling light of the chantry sunshine, bring peace and comfort to people like she always intended to do. She always wanted to make people happy you know ? Even her bard job had been to please her mentor who basically raised her. _I killed her mother of sorts, do you understand ?_  »

The warden pushed the boot back towards her sister, which didn’t grab it, she kept glaring and glaring. Struggling to find her words. She would slap her if she could.

« So what ? You decided for herself that she would be better off alone ??? SOMEONE WHO SPENT HER WHOLE LIFE LONGING FOR LOVE AND RELEVANCY, JUST LEAVE HER ALONE ? And **YOU**. YOU **DECIDED** THAT, WITHOUT EVEN _**CONSIDERING**_ _ **HER FEELINGS**_  ? »

Finally, the warden averted her eyes.

_For fuck’s sake !_

« Have you ever been in love kiddo ? »

 _What_. Nellie was taken aback, squinting.

« Love is fucked up. You never know if whatever you’ve been doing is right. All you want is the happiness of your significant other but when every single day of your life is just so full of shit, at some point you don’t want it to splatter on your little family. As soon as I could I offered her the thing I treasured the most : a fucking day off. I never even got a day off myself. Before I could understand shit I was sent to the fucking circle, then some dude took me away and I got tainted and sent to fucking Ostagar. We fought our ways against monsters and politics forever until I had to save everybody from a fucking cursed dragon. What the fucking fuck is this ? So yeah. I’m a selfish little shit, I tried to keep my loved one out of any more trouble. Because what else could I do ? You know what ? I’m well aware she’s been drowning her everloving heart in the still waters of despair but at least she’s not right here in this fucking cage, threatened of torture again by a fucking rich psycho like someone else right now ???????? If you’re looking for apologies they are never coming. I’d rather die fifty times and know that she’s kept safe somewhere. »

Both of them were looking at the floor now. Tears in their eyes and full of resentment.

« Now maybe you can see the reason why I never went home. Good night. »

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was very late  
> I went to an actual pun generator  
> I broke along with the character  
> It was bliss  
> And then the feels. I intended to knock some sense into the irresponsible warden but she actually fought back my dude. Silver lining's that it gave me a fine wordly flow at the very end of the very long writing day. Nanowrimo satisfaction


	16. Hushes

It had been too long since Nellie got a decent amount of rest. She had not slept the night before, and not much either the prior one. As much as anxiety was biting her neck, nothing would ever be enough to prevent her from dozing off. She fell hard into the Fade like a rock on a puddle, unconscious.

This time, Solas was there sitting in a corner. He watched her materialize like a mere shadow. He had refrained from visiting the previous dream as he needed the time to collect himself back into composure. The matter was very hard on his nerves and the headaches wouldn’t stop attacking one after the other, this was no good. But there, on that night, seing her barely even there was making things easy for about everyone. He whispered commands to the snoozing mind and got the game prepared in a corner. He had the console awaken and lauched the Dragon Age Inquisition as he had learnt by watching. He would have to make do with not reading anything. Thankfully there were a lot of drawings to locate things on maps and the characters seemed to repeat loudly the most important parts every now and then, so he assumed he would manage the bare minimum. Probably.

He hit the save and soon the Herald stood before the war room, setting for Orlais. This was just before the betrayal of the templars, and he had again to choose which faction to side with.

Every alternatives existed in these games.

He took the opportunity to investigate Redcliffe further. He was not dissapointed as he was met with no else but time magic ( _WHAT?_ ) upon arrival. _‘The Veil is weaker here than in Haven. And not merely weakened but altered in a way I have not seen’_ . Thanks, me. The Venatori did settle there, after all, and forced the whole pack of mages into submission before the Inquisition could lend a hand.

The girl’s voice resonated : _‘The player character and immediate party is not able to die no matter what. You are entitled to see the story develop and reach its very end.’_

He kept going reluctantly. There, there was a new magister his network hadn’t heard of. He met Ser Pavus of Tevinter, who gave him more intel about this magic they had developed. Time magic would be a fair – if not terrifying –explanation for the unnoticed ship thing. Fortunately moving his spies around this way had allowed to have it spotted early on. But getting to witness the times of the Venatori plans succeeding was extremely valuable ressource as to figure them out entirely. Now, time magic was tricky, how would one bypass this ? Dorian spoke of an amulet, so the easiest/most direct way would be stealing it altogether.

On the second meeting with Alexius, however, he could see it at work up close

as the Herald was sent into a future tainted red.

Soon, he discovered that this was one year later. The Herald had been missing for that one single year and Corypheus was already on the verge of taking over both woke and sleeping worlds. The breach had striped the whole skies ominous colours, the air was heavy, there were demons everywhere, red lyrium blossoming all over the land. What was the meaning of this, where was _he_  ? But he was soon answered upon meeting his own character agonizing at the back of a cell.

« You’re alive ? We saw you die ! […] Can you reverse the process ? You could return and obviate the events of the last year, it may not be too late... »

The sight of his desperate self was excruciating. Had he not been able to do anything to counter the magister ?

« You would think such understanding would stop me from making such terrible mistakes. You would be wrong […] Alexius served a master, the Elder one. He reigns now, unchallenged. »

He had not. He listened to his double explaining the details of the events lying upon their failure.

* * *

‘ _This world is an abomination. It must never come to pass.’_

Solas lay in bed for a while after the dream wore off. In the tragic irony that would be lost on anyone else, his character had said the very same thing he had, waking up to modern Thedas.

Why had he failed ? Why had every backup plan failed ? It had to be related to the time amulet. This meant even Flemeth hadn’t been able to do anything. _Even fully-powered Flemeth_. He gasped. This artifact was a first priority. Going through his extended list of agents in his mind, he couldn’t find anyone more suited for the task than he himself. In the game, they had all been taken by surprise, but now he knew exactly what was to be expected. He tried to feel confident across the heavy weight of past failures on his back. This would be different, it had to be.

« You are Fen’Harel, mightly dread wolf, feared by the ennemies and respected by the people. Known master of trickery, still worshipped to this day. You have done way worse than stealing a necklace. This is nothing. » He stared at his reflection in the window. What a lame leader he was.

He fetched some lithe black armor, elven, and a pair of wolven gloves. Time to get hands dirty, like in the old days.

* * *

Ten hours later, Nellie woke up in her cage. The chains had been marking her skin badly, her wrists a bit strained. She was cold, thirsty and to be tortured at any moment now. She glanced at her warden neighbour, who was indulging in meditation, probably bracing herself for what was to come. There was no way out of this.

« I lied. »

Narah opened an eye to her.

« I am not your sister. I am not family. I am simple a rando who looks just like you and who happens to know your story well. I was never supposed to come here. We are absolutely unrelated and shouldn’t have ever met. Don’t throw away your resolve for my irrelevant sake. Let him do whatever, let me scream. The fate of the land is way more important. »

The warden listened, staring at the wall in front of her. « You’re a good kid. I still bear responsibility for your capture, you not being family makes it even more cruel. »

« Wherever I go, I shall always be a massive inconvenience. Tis my life. »

« Heh. » She cracked her neck. « Why did you get so worked up yesterday then ? Doesn’t make any sense. »

« I should have minded my own business, I am sorry. »

« No don’t, actually, I have to thank you. For bringing me news of Leli and the outside world. Noble boiz wouldn’t tell me shit. » She smirked. « It might not be so bad to hang in a lil safe basement while the outside world burns down. All the bullshit is over by the time I come out : no responsibility. I love vacations. »

« You know they’re probably going to ask you to put everything back together right ? »

« Shut up » Narah sighed dramatically.

The ice broken, they chatted a bit about what had been happening. The Hero of Ferelden sure had been missing out. Every now and then they would both shiver at hearing footsteps through the corridor nearby, and were greatly relieved as it was only false alarm.

Anticipating her own death for an entire day was quite the out-of-body experience for Nellie. Soon she grew exhausted to the bones again.

* * *

Through eluvians, Solas reached the cursed Hinterland city at dusk, at the time the Venatoris were most likely to appear. He was fairly impressed to see that the lady ambassador had managed to drive everyone to safety by then. His organization lacked assets like her, but they were the kind to operate as the shadow of the people, never in broad daylight. In another world, where there used to be things worth saving, he had been leading an open rebellion and had needed these littles sparks of charisma. In a remote world, gone.

The Venatoris landed, Alexius up front.

Solas moved as the wolves, lurking, prowling by the edges of the town. Waiting. Surveying the prey.

« What is with this ghost town ? This is not what was planned. »

« Father, just stop this already. This is fate : it is sign that all of this should come to an end. Let us go home. »

« I can’t have this, son. He is watching, expecting. This is my burden. »

« Father... »

The Felix boy was tainted with the blight and Alexius had sealed a pact with Corypheus in order to force life on him still. His body would not hold on for much longer, but the father was blind and desperate. This was deeply understandable as it was utterly _un_ _acceptable_.

He followed the magister to his settlement as the mage troops combed the area throughout. Behind the elf was a whole net of agents covering for him if necessary, blending in the dark woods, watching. Any mistake and this would be a slaughter on both sides.

After a few hours, the Venatoris relaxed. They couldn’t possibly imagine that they had been discovered by the southerners, so they assumed their source was been a double agent and vowed to track them down promptly. Once they scattered, Solas took action. He approached, slithering, through the diluted patrol.

« Anything of relevance ? » Alexius threw at the room, sensing someone coming as his eyes were glued to a notebook. Presumably the diary.

« A message : **tell** **your** **Elder** **one** **I am losing no more.**  »

The tevinter jumped aside, turned around, started to draw mana but was dispelled immediately and frozen on the spot. Without wasting any second, Solas tore the necklace off and crammed said diary in a bag on his side. He faded stepped to the window and disappeared in the night as an outcry came right next.

_What about that, Biowares ?_

The mission succeeding, the mere thought of actual achievement filled him with renewed confidence. He was no longer the fool, he would never be the fool again. His whole organization retreated at once, back into position. In the distance, the outrage of the foreign mages materialized in fireworks of sorts. Wrecking the place. This, however, was none of his concern.

« So, it has come to this ? »

The elf jumped. He raised a barrier in a split second and lowered his body in combat posture.

« Hold on, I’m only here for congratulations. You are with the Inquisition right ? You southern folks delt with this matter quite wonderfully. »

Lying against a pine tree was the Tevinter ally from the game. So said the mustache, unmistakable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ninja Solas, Duty™ and mustache.


	17. Dance

The tevinter mage had grown wary of his master Alexius as he watched him join the ancient tevinter supremacists. In the game he was not a character to fear, but Solas was no Inquisition and had quite derailed from the tracks set by the Biowares within the very last few days. He couldn’t be certain.

« I am Dorian of house Pavus, I intended to seek you for help before regrettable mistakes were to be made, it appears you went ahead of me ! Very impressive. » He slow-clapped. « How would you do that ? It is as if you had known all along. Your spies truly must be top class, are they not ? »

Solas stared at him in complete silence, chin up, stern eyes.

« No offense, but this wit, from such a country, it is unheard of ! By the way, I wanted to warn your faction that Haven was about to be striken by an attack, and despite the course of events, I don’t believe losing their leader will do anything to make their plans canceled, so you’d better prepare for some more trouble I am afraid. »

« I do believe we were all well aware of this, thank you. » He punctuated coldly.

Dorian picked his mustache, confused for a moment, then he brushed it off. « May I join you then ? In the fight against the Elder one ? I couldn’t stand by, not doing anything. The cult has been doing unfortunate experiments that has me very worried. »

Solas considered. « Would you be willing to share more information about the whys and wherefores of this time magic then ? »

« Ha ! You found this as well ! As one of the craftsmen of that very trinket, I shall oblige if you may have me ! »

« Very well. »

Both men stood smug upon their newly formed agreement, nodding to each other in companionship, before the elf gave the human a sudden chop attack.

« But I could not have you see the path we must follow. »

« … _Kaffas_... » The human punctuated before collapsing to the dirt.

* * *

The antivan crossed the little square and peeked by the purple tent. She sighed, turned her head in every direction, took a glance by the stairs, made a small turn-about, stood still, confused, scratching her bun in bewilderment.

« May I help you Lady Montilyet ? »

« My apologies, mistress, do you happen to know where I could find Leliana ? She hasn’t been around for a fair while now. Did she maybe catch a cold ? I shouldn’t have let her stay awake for so long ! Did she even get any sleep ? »

« Do not worry, the Nightingale is but on a little vacation. Expect her return by the end of the week. »

« ……………Excuse me ? » There were no such thing as vacations in their shared language.

« If I may introduce myself, I am Charter, her second in command. Please trust me with any issue that is to come up, I shall look into it myself, in her place. I apologize for the inconvenience. We made sure that no matter fell behind in the transition. »

« At such a time ? Tevinter is at the door ! Why didn’t she tell me ? Was I being too hard on her ? Oh no, what have I done. There is just so much stress every day… I failed her. I failed to protect her well-being ! »

Bummed, Josephine retrieved her notes. « I must give these to you, then. Please consult them and make adjustments accordingly... »

Charter nodded. « It will be done. »

« … And do tell me whether you feel unwell !! We must take care of ourselves if we intend to live through the dark days ! »

The elf smiled at her, _such a sweetie,_ and a new crow landed on her shoulder.

* * *

« Mmfrmlmm »

Solas was walking through the Crossroads, a well-known way through the numerous mirrors. Each of them were telling a story of the world, his world, the one true world. This place, if anything, had been able to resist the cataclysm and he was always so very thankful as it was making his fixing duty a _whole_ _lot_ easier. Also, obviously, carrying fine men across the continent.

« Mtoo pretty to-mblmlmfp … Father, why you mbpmmlbfr... »

The elf paid little attention to the sleepy nonsense, focused on his feet. Focused on the next plan. The Venatori were not yet at disadvantage and would probably lash out their anger in the next attack. If there had still been people in Redcliffe, he couldn’t imagine the outcome of his little operation. Once again, the lady spymaster had proven very reliable.

He eventually crossed the last eluvian and reached the elven stronghold. He kept carrying the agitated body, under the hiding stares of the serving people, for the small distance left until he arrived to the Special Guest Room. He opened the door on command and laid Dorian delicately on a pillow at the center. He then cast a sturdy spell of containment from the very old ages and got some servants fetched.

« Please have food prepared and watch over him, I wouldn’t want this man to find himself alone upon waking. Cater to his needs as we are going to nurture cooperation. Mind your words around him, he is not to be one of us. Is there any question ? »

« No, my Lord. »

« Thank you. You know where to find me. »

* * *

« He sure’s taking his time isn’t he ? I thought one would’t keep a lady waiting. »

The warden complained, but the dungeon air had been suffocating all day. Honestly, they couldn’t take it anymore. Nellie would **jump** at every single noise ever at this point.

Meanwhile, fifty meters above, the gentleman was working on a fine page of letter, taking great care over the calligraphy, even completing it with raffined decorations. He would not have a slave for this very important job as the damn rabbits could never be trusted. He was humming to himself, overjoyed by the wonderful turn of events. The wheel of fate sure had been spinning his way ! How _marvelous_ , to be granted such an easy victory. He stood up and opened the window, sipping on some champagne to the spectacular starlit sky, as it was as admirable as both his unfailing resolve and spirit.

Until a tip of iron found its way to his throat.

« Belle soirée, cher Duc. » A familiar red-haired.

« Rossignol, what a **delight** , having you tonight ! If only you had made your visit announced, I could have served you the finest frilly cakes that you enjoyed so much, directly brought from Val Royeaux ! This is such a shame. »

« C’est vraiment dommage, I agree. But I am afraid I truly couldn’t have told you of my coming. Not this time, Gaspard. »

« So, may I know what could possibly be bringing me such a lovely date to my very mansion ? »

« I believe that you might have taken an item that belonged to me. I must apologize, for that I am so clumsy I keep losing my most precious things all the time. This is such a fateful inconvenience ! »

« I wonder, mademoiselle, what could be the meaning of this ? I do not possess much besides the heart of the people that has been counting on me, and I hold very little but this heavy burden that is my own to protect them. This is all to be a big misunderstanding I am sure. Let us have a conversation. »

« Is it really ? » The dagger started picking in the skin. « Perharps I coud think of a way to make your memories refreshed ? »

« Nightingale. » He dropped the sugar, it was a warning. « You do realize whatever you are doing is but a terrible mistake ? I have been tolerating you for a very long time. Let me go before we reached a regrettable outcome. »

« Alàs, there is no mistake here but your own, monseigneur. Where are you hiding her. »

« You will not get away with this. Is it war that you want ? Because this is what you are getting. The outrageous pile of dogs that is your *Inquisition* will not be able to protect you from this. I will not say this twice : I will let you go, run at once before I have a change of heart. »

« I shall enlighten you. The one mistake is that you’re thinking I could not here but _professionally_. I gave you a chance to live on, dear Gaspard. Now I am afraid my patience has worn off and I should make you pay your sins off from my very own hands. »

« Wai- »

 **Shlick**.

« May Andraste pity you in Heavens. »

She blew some hair aside, pulled up her hood, adjusted her mask, breathed one strong last time. She opened her eyes, held her daggers tight, extended a leg forward. She switched the button, and the distant melody of her deepest childhood started to play anew. One step, one step, spin. One step, one step, spin. The sweet ballet of the Game, graceful dance of _murder_.

She rushed to the stairs.

All servants conveniently retired for the night, the sloppy guards populating the place were an easy deal to her expert sways. Step, step, dodge, slay, dodge, repeat. In a matter of minutes, she had descended all the way to the first floor, seeking the obligatory dungeon that such a place ought to hide. She found one last guard before a sturdy door, obliterated him in a second, grabbed the keys by his belt and barged underground.

« Nellie ?! »

At the ends of the ground, the girl jolted up, confused. But the older woman reacted instantly.

« Leliana ! »

 _Leliana ?_ A sound of metal dropped to the paved ground and resonated loudly across the cave.

« Maker, you’re really here ! Both of you ! » The spymaster fell to the ground before them, heavily shaking as she tried to bring the key to the lock. She only took a few seconds but to her it felt as millenias, before she could open the damn cage at long last. She then ran past the girl right into the woman. She threw her arms around her like her life depended on it.

« Oh Maker, Andraste, Justinia, you’re SAFE. You’re… Safe !! My love… I c- » tears rolled on her cheeks « I can’t believe I lived to see this day… » She squeezed her tightly. « It’s been… so long... »

Both Nellie and Narah stared in silence for a moment. The warden would finally answer : « My love. I am back » Her cheeks were flushed red and her glaze glittery, overcome with the emotion. « But we should celebrate later, yeah ? I’m real sick of this place. »

« Yeah right, sure, I’m sorry. » Leliana quickly wiped her eyes and set both of them free. The warden patted her head once she got her arms back. « Tis alright sweetie. » Neither could hide their radiant smiles.

The sight was both endearing and crushing to the girl by the side. A long time ago, she was fooled into thinking she was a part of this. She kind of dragged her feet in their escape. They avoided zillions corpses before reaching the window Leliana had used as an entrance. They jumped to the roofs and outside of the city. Once they reached the forest, they sat down to catch their breaths.

« How… What did you do ? You didn’t stabitty stab the Duc did you ? »

Leliana burst into laughter.

« Maker, this saying… I thought I would never get to hear it again... » She pressed her hand over her forehead, bend backwards… Fell over on the grass. « It is you… it **is** you… ! You’ll have to tell me _everything_  ! »

« You’ll never let me sleep until I told you anyway. » She stroke her hair. The redhaired responded in a bashful smirk, starry-eyes. They giggled like children. Like girlfriends. It was fucking adorable.

Nellie lay down as well, her glaze lost to galaxies, glowing gently through the countless leaves above. _The moon is beautiful tonight._

_I used to love you too._

But there was no room for this. So she kept it folded in two, deep at the bottom of her heart. This never belonged to her, it had always been theirs, and fate had finally brought them back together to relish in their lost presences.

« Thank you Nellie, thank you so much ! »

 _What ?_ Her mouth opened, closed, no sound would come out.

« When Gaspard captured you, it gave me the hint I needed. It is all thanks to you ! I couldn’t thank enough. » Leliana bowed over her knees, head to the grass.

« This is a lot of thanking » The warden laughed it off, teasing.

« ... » The girl could only answer.

After the pause went on for longer than appropriate, the two women realized that she had been crying. Heavily. Her chest was quivering and her nose running badly.

« What’s going on kiddo ? Shock maybe ? There, there. »

Her brain melted into an endless stream of tears. She curled up into the lap of her not-sister and gladly took the comfort she was just granted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE FEELS  
> I CANT


	18. Abomination

They waited for a short while until the girl had fully cried her heart out. These had been some very longs days.

« Okay let’s go before they do find us, I’ve got two horses, they’re posted a bit further. »

« Wait ! » Nellie tugged the rim of Leliana’s coat.

« What is it ? »

« I can’t go back yet ! »

The two women stared in confusion. « What’s the matter kiddo ? »

« I... » She fidgetted. « I was there with a friend. We were separated, they tried to protect me ! I think they got into huge trouble because of me… »

« Don’t tell me your _friend_ is the so-called abomination that wrecked the shopping district … ? » Leliana raised a brow.

« Wait, an **abomination** now ? » Narah rolled her eyes out.

« They’re not !! » She retorqued. « It’s a misundertanding ! The soldiers attacked first ! We weren’t doing anything wrong, I swear ! » She wiggled arms in the air.

« Alright we do believe you. » The warden patted her head more. « So where’d they take them ? »

« ...I don’t know... »

The woman turned to the spymaster. « Heard about details ? »

« I just rushed in there as fast as I could, I didn’t involve anyone else with this, as I expected – hem – that certain events would enfold. »

« Leliana. » She gaver her a look. « What happened. I need to know. » Narah crossed her arms. « I need to know how fast we are to hide to the opposite side of the world about right now. »

« Fine maybe I did solve the whole civil war issue altogether. It was an accident. Kind of. A bit. I slipped ! »

« You dummy ! » The warden took her into her arms dramatically. « You shouldn’t have gone that far… Well, actually I don’t care for shit for Orlais but this was pro’lly not the time, right ? That was a _bloodbath_ tonight. Like the old days, I know, but I did told you :kill as little as you can or it’s gonna drive you very bad places. You do not have to do those things anymore. »

« It’s just... » her arms dropped to the sides of the hug, she burried her head into her lover’s chest.

« Shhh, it is alright. You did your best Leli, y’always do » Additional pats were had.

They parted, and the spymaster resumed : « So, regarding your friend, Jader probably won’t get back on its feets anytime soon. We should definitely keep a low profile for a very long time, I left no evidence and don’t believe I’d been seen so _we_ might just stand a chance to get off lightly. However, to send agents in search for your friend is going to be very delicate. This is kind of my fault. I might have proceeded differently, had I known prior. »

The girl contemplated the distant city in longing. « This is wrong… For me to be out… And them still kept in there… Maker knows what they’re going to suffer… I guess … this might be farewell for now... » _There was just nothing she could do._ She hated herself for how useless she always had to be.

« I will figure it out, come. » Leliana tried to say in a comforting tone. None of them was any delusional though.

* * *

« Lord Solas, the tevinter has awoken and is asking to see you immediately. »

« Most certainly, I shall go find them, thank you. »

The servant bowed and returned to their appointment. Solas had been studying the amulet for a while now, it was a tiny iron cube locked in an astute manner. Such a design was very unusual, he was looking forward to the information. He stood and went to the man. If glares could kill…

« What the fuck, Inquisition ? I do understand that I look like the glorious, evil, fearful ‘magister’ ennemy but a containment spell really ? That’s _savage_  ! Don’t you have some leftover templars to keep my mana off ? Did you have to go **THAT** far ? »

« Yes, indeed, the Inquisition would never resort to such means. They would not even know of such spell, were I to be honest, as it was lost to this region over time. »

Dorian stared in horror. « Are you saying I delivered myself to the wrong party ? Damned be me, I was such a fool. »

« Rest assured, mage, no harm will be done. I simply cannot afford to have outsiders learn too much on this organization I am leading, but know that I do stand by the same side as these people you were seeking in that we are all fighting against the Elder one. My methods just happen to slightly differ, that is all. »

« Yes, it is very unexpected to find mage assassins outside of beloved hellish Tevinter. Were you a slave there ? »

« Ha. You would be far closer to the truth than you would know, but this I am not. »

« Whatever. What do you want ? » The human furrowed his brow.

« The question would rather be : what do _you_ want ? I am already holding you captive in wait for information, but you shall be my guest and I will provide you with ressources to your needs. May it be books, artifacts, fancy cloaks of rare material. Your cooperation shall be compensated. The only term on our part is that you must not leave this very room. As for the containment, it is to protect the other elves there. The ones who serve this place cannot defend themselves. This is a simple precaution as it is a way to make them fell safe in your near presence, please do not take this personally. »

Dorian stood up and brushed his hair backwards, smirking in disbelief.

« Heavens, what dreadful trouble did I land myself in again... »

* * *

More and more soldiers were surrounding them, threatening looks. The carriage who’d taken their friend was disappearing between buildings already and they could not let her go. They were responsible for this ! _Why was it happening ?_

Noam stared at their hands, burnt at the edges by the clumsy fires. Were they a mage now ? At seventeen, really ? Just all they fucking needed. An apostate, all of a sudden. Everyone knew what happened to apostates. Even moreso to the ones who fought back for their right to live as was happening right now in the entire continent.

As they struggled, a templar threw a purge into them. It was violent, debilitating, depriving them from any trail of thoughts. They tried to summon the will to resist : the very little they knew about magic was that will was always involved, but they were just so new at it, it went very poorly. Another purge stroke them down for good. The templars captured them and dragged them to their military base through the hating cries of the regrowing crowd of bystanders. ‘ _Abomination ! Kill !’_

_You bastards._

The teen was brought at the center of a very large room.

« So, » the biggest of them all started, « What’s your deal lil boy ? You mages think you can blow up every city now ? It _**that**_ your little revolution ? First kirkwall, then Andraste’s rest, now Orlais ? » He slammed a fist on the table. « Why don’t you cut us some slack and go burn down some Tevinter, or Par Vollen for a fucking change. _That_ , at least, would be a little usefull. Sick nugs. What’s your name. »

« I’m not giving my name. »

The soldier exhaled deeply, brushed his eyes in an exhausted motion. « Let’s just… jail him for now. We shall request a trial as it is now to be the procedure. Bullshit. I’d have his head cut off myself. We can’t afford to let any more crazy mage wander the lands. Not in our Orlais. » He glued his eyes to the ceiling window. « Whatever, dismissed. » He sat down and grabbed a pre-completed form to note down the details of the new arrest.

_Man guilty of troubling public order._

Someone knocked on the door.

« What now ? »

A frail old woman pushed said door with great effort, approached and curtsied.

« Yes Ma’am, I am listening. » He was already pissed off big time.

« I am sorry for bothering you at such a time, the truth is- »

She then proceeded to file a very long complaint, enumerating a very detailed list of all the damage from the ‘attack’. Soon, other people entered the room, added in to the complaints, requested help with insurance paperwork, and most of all : required the slaying of the ‘Abomination’. They made a very specific point to express their utmost distress at knowing danger was lying so close to their lives, rampant, and half Jader could explode at any minute for all they knew.

This was the cherry on top of the cake. The man stood up and threw his angriest glare at every last one of them, imposing his threatening aura to the whole floor. He ordered them to trouble the guard no further and let the military do their job in order to handle the matter the most efficiently. Bitter, the pack of merchant and nobles were shooed off. They started yelling over servants to have everything cleaned up as soon as they landed foot outside.

_Man guilty of troubling public order. Accused of abomination._

* * *

« Lady Montilyet, may I have a word ? »

Charter entered the room by the left aisle of the Chantry. Her expression was unusually troubled for any veteran messenger.

« Yes, of course. » Josephine set her stationary to the side. « I am all ears, is anything the matter ? »

« You ought to be well-versed into current orlesian politics, yes ? »

« I can proudly state loud and clear that I do know all there is to know in these matters. Every noble house, their ties together. Reading through the game is second nature by now. Tell and I shall enlighten you. »

« The Grand Duc has been found silenced in Jader. I do believe there would be some way to use it to the advantage of the Inquisition. »

Josephine fell off her chair.

« EXCUSE ME !? Has anyone claimed the kill ? »

« Nothing was found. No assassination card, no clue, only a pile of bodies and an open window. »

« Sweet Andraste. » She struggled to sit right back with great difficulty. « The whole table of intrigue has been flipped over ! Whoever did it had better curl up in a basement for centuries as the revenge to come shall be world shattering... » Her voice vanished.

**W a i t a m i n u t e r i g h t h e r e**

Josephine splatted her forehead to the desk, her fingers meddling in her hair, messing it up entirely.

_Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy_

« Please. Dear Charter. Could you bring me everything the spying department has recieved regarding Jader ? »

« The Nightingale trusts you deeply, I see no issue. »

« Thanks. »

A few minutes later a new pile of letters overtook her table. This was going to take a while to read through but she absolutely had to shut her screaming guts, to shake away the agonizing dread that was blasting her faculties to bits.

She slowly pieced it all together and turned as pale as her skin could ever manage.

_We are in h u g e trouble._

Her bain went numb, broken in half, she discarted everything, sent word of her absence and… Hid in her bedroom like a little kid.

 _WHY._ What was even the point of her straining herself days long if everything was to be torn apart just like this. **This** was **madness** , the point of politics was to always negociate first, as people were no longer savages. There had to be something, some actual reason, for such a last-resort to be used directly.

Orlais had been in a very complicated state since forever, certainly. The current civil war between Gaspard and Celene had been going on for a very long time, with a lot of casualties. This was a big issue, but _them_ , a tiny Ferelden faction, not bound to anyone but a deceased Divine, had _no right_ into this. Not without a request from the locals. Not without concrete alliances. Not without a major justification.

_She’d better have a MASSIVE, IRREFUTABLE explaination for this mess._

* * *

« Eer... hello ? »

Cassandra stepped into the war room, appalled at the lone presence of the Commander standing there, as confused as she was.

« First Leliana, now Josephine, what in the void is happening here ? »

« I have **no** idea. »

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no Josie angst now ?  
> RIP Dorian, sleepover at the fen'harels :c  
> Tis all escalating quite dramatically


	19. Interlude

« We should be far enough now. What a ride ! »

Leliana laughed it away heartily. « Like the good old times, right ? » She leaned into the warden. « How we would grow tired and run away from one trouble to jump right into the next. »

« What you saying dummy, » She shoved her, « stories say we saved **everyone**. Whatever the problem, we took care of it with glee. A cat stuck in a tree ? A kiddo lost a toy ? Fear no more, people, for that we are the Heroes of Ferelden. And Alistair. »

She giggled. « Oh Maker, Alistair. Sometimes I trip over some of his messages, they are h i l a r i o u s, I feel bad for him though. »

« Boy didn’t want to be king after all, heh. » Narah shrugged. « And with Anora, they good ? »

« It seems they do manage to get along just fine. »

Nellie relished the knowledge that he had been doing alright. Plenty of nasty stuff happened in the span of ten years, and Ferelden, as every other land, was prone to scheming and secret agencies. Ultimately, everyone had their reasons and were just doing their bests. So had the spymaster in her last terrible action.

« Mmh. » Said woman was thinking.

« Yeah ? »

« I would like to settle down for a little while now, to plan for the upcoming days. I do realize the consequences of my doing. I have some decisions to take as for where this should be headed now. Preferably before I return to my collegues. I know a few people there who would skin me alive on sight had they known. »

« It’s ok love Imma protect you. As long as it’s Ferelden nobody can confront me. » The warden said in smug.

« Yes, about this, first of all we shall have you hidden. This could be used against us as blatant evidence. »

« You think Orlais’ gonna acknowledge that they did capture me ? »

« Certainly they won’t be that straightforward. But a lot of shit would be to expect. »

« Ok fine, so where we going ? »

« Mmmmmh…. » Leliana crossed her arms, pensive.

This is the moment the girl chose to step up. « Actually, » she glanced through the plains « I think I might be able to find the way back to the vinehouse. »

« Vinehouse ? Could that be where you’ve been hiding ? »

« It is… This is where I met my friend, it was theirs. Well, not exactly but they were there first ! We spent about three days before we realised we needed to collect a bunch of additional stuff. »

« … And only then you went to Jader. I wondered how you hadn’t been noticed by my agents any sooner. » The red haired nodded to herself. « This is both fortunate and not. On one hand you had to risk torture and the friend was lost to town, on the other we retrieved none other than the mighty Hero right here. Fate often plays such tricks right ? One mandatory bad for a good. »

She recieved the concerned™ glaze, and Nellie looked down her boots. « It is fine, we did the most we could. You put yourself in crazy danger for my sake. There is no helping it. »

« What was the name of your friend my dear ? » Leliana asked, considerate.

« Noam. »

* * *

Both Knight-captain and Seeker of the Truth stood towering in the empty war room. Doing whatever they could in these dire circumstances.

« Since the mages are already here, let us investigate the templars in the little time we have ahead of us. Any thoughts, Commander ? »

« None, Cassandra. I completely agree. We should seize the opportunity to form an alliance while we can, their help against the magisters would be most welcome. Not to mention the Breach. And I cannot stress enough how necessary they would prove in securing the area now that all these rebels are here. »

The woman sighed. « Well, yes. But **one** could argue that bringing templars on their backs at such a time would only antagonize the mages. I can only imagine. »

« None of these two ‘ones’ are here at the moment, are we to decide this over heads and tails in their absence ? »

« Most certainly not. It is settled then. »

« Should we leave a note for the ladies ? » He scratched his neck.

« This is the reason we were four... »

The two were at loss, brooding. Their little team used to have great balance, this was why the Inquisition stood a chance at all even with their lack of means and power. The apocalyptic summer camp was growing harder and harder to hold together over time.

Cassandra let out a low disgusted noise and fetched the Herald to leave for Therinfal Redoubt at once.

« Let us hope we can even make it in time. »

* * *

The little way to the vinehouse went way faster by horses, obviously.

« My, this is _lovely_  ! So romantic ! » Said the nightingale in wonderment. « Lookit this Narah ! The lake ! The view ! Oh my god there are so many rabbits, it’s so CUTE. I could live in there forever. »

The warden lost it and took her significant other in a tight embrace. « I can’t see anything past your freaky dazzle. I swear you’ll be the death of me, love. »

The girl simply left them to their devices and went right to the cabin. It was all as they’d left it. The blissful times now lost to the past were striking her back in a sharp pain inside. There was nothing left of them here, besides the cold ashes of their last fire camp. The little she had had been left in a bag, by a fountain in Jader and probably long stolen.

But there was still the chest.

She hurried to it out of desperation. Opened it. Daggers. Iron wires. There were still some of those left. She took a knife in her hand, passed a finger over the edge. It was all nice and shiny.

_She missed them so much._

« Coming in ! » The warden announced before entering the cabin. « Woa it’s wrecked. »

« It was _left to the times_. It is **lovely** and **romantic**. » A voice complained from behind.

Narah was wasting no opportunity to make fun of her, but the previous flow of adrenaline required it adamantly. Their nerves would break otherwise.

« What’s in there ? » Leliana inquired, taking a peek above Nellie’s shoulder.

« The only things we did leave behind. »

« Mmmm » She grabbed one, contemplating its shine.

[WILLIT HOUSE] was carved on the side.

« Willit… Was that their last name ? I know little of this house, not much influence. »

« I don’t know their full name but they did explain coming from a house, by Halamshiral. They heard the catapults. »

« I guess there are to be no more of those now. I hope so, for the people. I heard this was a nightmare, there were lots of refugees all the way to Verchiel. »

She put the dagger back. All three of them sat down.

« Bit freezing in there. Gimmie a second. » The warden lit a big magic fire all around them.

The girl stared at the warm flames in wonder. Magic. It made everything so simple. And yet, magic could be such a fearful curse. Perhaps Noam could have escaped had they not started sprouting spells all over. She thought about how fire magic would have solved most of their problems. They had almost everything they ever needed here. And most of all : they had each other.

« Celene will never believe it, » the rogue tilted her head, « all of her problems solved at once, by a mysterious hand nobody mandated. If I managed not to screw up, the investigation could go on for months, maybe years, before being eventually dropped. It will throw the opposing houses in panic for a long time and will strenghen her influence over the cowardly bits she will harvest in the meantime. She was delivered something she couldn’t even dream of. It is like a favor from the very Andraste. Expect a spectacular celebration-funeral soon, which the whole empire will dutifully attend. »

« Shouldn’t she be enforcing her guard ? Some of those are gonna be hella mad upon losing their champion. Tis the Game we’re talking about. » The warden raised a brow.

« You’re right dear, this is the Game. She knows this better than anyone. You can’t protect people from themselves. Orlais has got to party nevertheless, as this is all they really do. It is the law. »

« That and being a massive pain in the arse. »

Nellie picked up the little pieces of lore that were falling down her way in the conversation. Blessed were the games for their codex entries as they allowed to get back and read them over. Having to memorize everything on the spot was a struggle. « So she’s won the cake ? Was he her only direct opposant ? » The girl asked.

« The Grand Duc was Celene’s cousin. But you are right, there is someone else : it is Briala of Halamshiral. A spymaster just like me. Had I been actually busted, I’d definitely expect an agent of hers. All of them are elves so they are everywhere, invisible in broad daylight blending in the landscape to the very furnitures. »

« And the empress would have her spymaster wanting to bring her down ? That sounds dangerous. »

« She brought it on herself. The two had history and she betrayed her hard. They don’t work together anymore. She antagonized all the elves at once when she set the alienage on fire. They’d been _**close**_ before, but then it was all over. »

The girl did remember Noam mention something like that.

« How can you burn your lover’s family down, that’s some nasty shit even by orlesian standards. » Asked the warden.

« The Game shall be the Game. » Leliana sighed.

Words echoed. _‘_ _They can’t care, it’s not built-in. The maker forgot to put a heart in those.’_

« Game over for Gaspard tho »

« Oh no, I should have used this as a final punchline. »

« What d’ya say then honey ? »

« I prayed Andraste... »

« Gosh you haven’t changed at all... »

Narah squeezed her arm, but the other woman secretly grew distant all of a sudden. Bitter, lost to the magical flames. She laughed it off on the outside. By their little camp, she was living the fantasy of having her tiny loving family back. The fleeting smell of blood covering her armor was here to stay for a long time onwards. The warmth, the care, and the post slaughter void inside, it was intoxicating. Had she not changed at all in these very long ten years of loneliness neverending ? Was she truly the same ? Was there still a path for redemption before her, despite everything ?

She wanted to believe,

she could not.

An only thought in her mind : ‘ _you_ _don’t know me anymore_ ’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMINOUS AF


	20. Request

A few days passed. Disorganized and confused, the Venatoris stayed by Redcliffe in wait for readjustments, to the sheer terror of the earldoms nearby. The Qunaris were coming for them in secret. The evil Tevinter magisters were invading Ferelden ! Word climbed fast all the way to the queen and king. To Anora there was no question : to mage troubles, templar solutions – and the rebellion they were protecting had nothing to do with these nothern trespassers – but the warrior order had gone rogue and hadn’t answered their calls, neither did the seekers which was most worrying. The Grey Warden had all disappeared after the last blight, so they had no choice left but turning to the Inquisition, who had fortunately evacuated the whole area. At least there was not a single casualty yet.

Alistair lay awake in bed, suddenly fascinated by the folds of the luxurious canopy all in reds and golds. This fancy shit will never ever feel right. Why was he here again ? He couldn’t remember, it was Narah’s idea in the first place. He knew he never should have told her of his origins. Damnit.

Certainly this could have turned worse. Anora hadn’t poisoned him so far, after all. He rolled over. Ten years of royalty, every second was a dissociative nightmare. He screamed internally. But he was no damsel so nobody would ever come and save him.

While his prodigious spouse was to find a workaround, he was just to lie there, his same old dead weight self, breathing pointlessly, a meat slab to warm a big bed daily was all he was any good for. He grunted.

Alistair let his exhausted mind wander for a bit longer, until he suddenly called for a scribe on impulse. There had to be something he could do. There had to be something _she_ could have done.

The Hero of Ferelden.

The scribe was on their way. The desolated King stood by the window, overlooking all of Denerim, barely recovered from the Archdemon crisis. The highest towers had not been rebuilt yet. They probably never would. The ground was still uneven wherever the dragon had striken. The stones were one thing, but a whole generation was never to forget. And he had been one of the heroes too, right in the middle of The Warden Nightmare Squad, he had even contributed to save _her_ life, giving up on his whole sense of self. He would never manage to erase that evening from his mind. That would require a demon contract at the very least. Honestly, he would consider. At times, the pictures of that bed still flashed before his eyes. He would take a bath for hours then, trying desperately to wash the shame away. He had been used, all along. Even now. He had been used, by everyone. For everything.

His heart twisted in half and he went limp on impact.

The door opened, he took a second so strenghen back and turned to the serving form, hurriedly getting set by the table, and he started trying to put sentences together in a letter to his bard comrade of olds. If anyone had ever heard of Narah, it would have to be her.

* * *

[Knock knock]

The lady slowly dragged herself out of bed, retrieved her sparkly slippers and reached the door with excruciating effort. She turned the little key and opened the door.

« Good afternoon, Lady Montilyet. »

« Mmmmm » Sleepy eyes, messy hair, satin nightgown falling slighty off her shoulder. This was quite the rare sight. She was a huge mess.

« I thought you should know that a letter came from Denerim. » Charter, handing the envelope over.

« Mmof course… » She leaned by the doorside noonchalantly, tore the thing open between noncomittal fingers. « I would bet the Tevinter matter would have reached their ears by now. We probably look more of use to them since there is so much peril to the Hinterlands. They would order the local nobles to send military to support us in battle and ask us to end all of this at once. » She said in a sigh, unimpressed.

The first words told her a very different story.

« To Sister Leliana, the left hand of the Divine. Was Justinia right or left handed by the way ? Are right hands supposed to be good by nature ? Since when did body parts get a consciousness of their own ? I digress – Wait, stop writing that ! Why are y… Okay, whatever. »

She thought she would faint over such a failure of an official missive. This was most certainly not from Queen Theirin.

« First I have one army in Ferelden without a by-your-leave, and then there are two ? A hole in the sky, some demons to the ground, to make the picture complete ? By Andraste, please tell there is no more in store. Both templars and Grey Wardens have gone silent and most of our local army has been busy guarding the border. I am a loss at what to do, thankfully I am not the one in charge here. I think a Hero is what hard times require, and as much as I’d want to believe in this Herald one you have been working for, there is someone out there who already proved herself, both in tactics and leadership. It is high time for Narah to rise against the ennemy, reuniting the kingdom once more, mostly knocking some sense back into everyone. Do your friends happen to know of her whereabouts ? I know you would want to keep her off further trouble, honestly all of us have long paid our due to the whole world, but history never cuts you a slack does it ?

I beg you. Help.

King Alistair Theirin.

PS : Are you still raising those nugs ? Must be one hell of a population by now. »

Josephine read the letter a few times, giggling at the iconic disaster of it. This should serve as example at diplomacy classes. Every mistakes to avoid were neatly lined one after the other. Somehow it managed to be very endearing. It made her remember there were probably countless people depending on Leliana. She made thousands of connections about everywhere she went. At this, the ambassador of the Inquisition relaxed a bit, setting the tip of a foot back onto the reality of things.

Her friend was reliable. She had always been. It was like waking up from a very long slumber.

« Thank you for the message, Charter. Has there been any sign of the Hero of Ferelden in the recent times ? »

« The network has none, but you should wait for the mistress to come back and ask her. » Charter bowed in apology.

« Did she not leave a way to contact her ? No crows ? » She shook her head.

« We could still recieve but we could never send. »

This was making sense as far as vacations went, but truly, she doubted there was coincidence to any of this. She would have to wait. Hopefuly not forever. She dismissed the agent and went to her dressing table, finally ready to tackle some work again.

* * *

« Dear host, how do you even manage to lay you lil hands on such unique tomes ? »

Dorian was flipping pages over in wonderment. « Look at that ! The College of Minrathous declared losing this one over decades ago. »

« I merely know were to seek, I am glad, dear guest, to be able to fulfill your requests. » He had grown to enjoy reciprocating his snark. It felt like fresh air.

« Yes, thank you _very_ much. Here, I may surrender this to you. »

The Tevinter unfolded a giant scroll. « This is a blueprint from memory of our theory regarding how the veil reacts to time passing, and how we planned to bend it in a way that would allow us to alter the course of reality on our side of the world. Honestly I didn’t expect any of it to actually work, not with our still well limited means. The biggest problem was the veil and the way it seemed to set time fabric so especially tightly. It made us wonder, though, as what would be the consequences of it falling apart, as with the breach spreading to the world and pouring fade on us until we were but one. From our conclusions, it read as if the concept of time itself would vanish altogether ! How is this even possible and what does it mean, we could not figure out. There are to be some appalling postulates that would bring shame to us if we could know any better. However, we still managed to make it work to some restricted extent, enough for hiding a ship, probably enough for altering a whole district, but no more at the time. »

« Hm hm » Solas nodded through all of it, examining the drawings traced from an expert hand. He even took the glimpse of an instant to consider the art, but he would allow himself no more. « This is all very good. You Tevinters do know your arcanes. »

« I hope we are living up to the expectations ! » The human proudly put his hands by his hips.

« We ? Do you still consider yourself one of them ? »

« Me ? Betray Tevinter ? You couldn’t be farther from it. I. Live. For. Tevinter. And I will die for it ! It is a shit empire, but it is _my_ shit empire. I will do whatever I can to end the madness raging there. » He clicked his tongue hashly to each new word.

« And you intended to do this at one thousand miles south from the continent ? »

« I went all the way there to stop Alexius, because I am involved with the successful research that got him enrolled into the cult in the first place. Then I wanted to join the Inquisition because I, FOR ONE, haven’t lost all basic common sense to **pride**  ! Maybe seeing someone actually doing something will be the first step towards half assed redemption ?? Whoever knows ! » He yelled at the ceiling.

Solas paused, a bit taken aback. « That is... very brave of you. »

« Hmpf, it’s duty at this point. » He shrugged lightly.

Both men spent time working on the theories and retro-engeneering of the amulet. Solas was obviously trying to figure it out to use for his own purposes, which was fast to send Dorian into the worry zone. There was this eagerness into this elf, taking notes of every detail, and being so knowledgable himself, it was odd, it was out of this world. The Tevinter couldn’t help but staring.

« Have I perhaps caught to your interest ? »

« I only hope that I am not surrendering critical intel to be poured into yet another havoc. Mastering time itself is as becoming god. Your only bound : your own mortality. I don’t want to be held responsible of some extra chaos, my conscience could not bear any more of it. »

« This is fair. But I am afraid I would never be able to prove my intentions without revealing too much. »

« Yes, whatever. What I am saying is that I would rather have it destroyed right now than used ever again no matter the stakes. »

« Very understandable. I will have you teach me all about it, then I promise I shall shatter its existence and all traces of our work by the time I defeat Corypheus. It will disappear forever and you will be fred right away. Could this apply as a deal ? »

« Corypheus, the Elder one ? »

Fuck. _Abort. Cancel. Roll back._

« Yes. »

« Not even Alexius would tell me of his name. And did your spies perhaps discover anything else of relevance ? »

The elf saw an opportunity.

« The Elder one claims to be one of the legendary ancient magisters who entered the Black City. »

Dorian gasped and dropped his things, all of them. « Nonsense ! » He walked in circles. Thinking very hard, considering, dismissing, considering, denying, agonizing. « It is impossible... »

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT THE FUCK? ALISTAIR ANGST NOW ? Is *ANY* character NOT outright depressive at this point ??????? I sure didn't lie about these tags after all


	21. Return

The spymaster recieved the warmest of warm embraces from her ambassador friend upon returning to Haven. Next to her was Nellie, known as the little sister to everyone but the Warden, and said Warden, incognito, face burried under a ton of dirt and a hood falling over half of it. She was to play an agent and casually hang in town discretly, at least for a few days, until the Hinterlands were secured. The two women were looking forward to spending some time within the same air space.

Narah obviously didn’t stop walking and went to her own devices, checking out the new Haven. This place had changed a whole lot, it was a _metamorphosis_. The people were alive, and doing things that didn’t involve bloody altars. Amazing. She wandered off like a curious butterfly, but with this iconic pissed off glare that made her seem to belong.

Leliana went with Josephine to retrieve the recaps of all that had happened from the hands of Charter, relieved her from the heavy job and was dragged back into the chantry as soon as she was one of them again.

Nellie blinked, all alone by the big gates.

It had been so long since being there. She stared at the breach, everlasting. It was a threatening calmness. Everyone seemed used to it by now. She went along. She strolled around, eventually reached Solas’ stash without thinking and panicked before realizing it was fortunately empty. It seemed everyone was out on mission again. With all the crap that had been happening, she had entirely forgot about the mage violating her privacy and yelling at her right from within her mind. Had he… decided to leave her alone after all ? Her heart beat like crazy from the sudden adrenaline.

She entered the stash. Was it still to be hers ? It had not changed the least, everything was exactly the same. And she realized she still couldn’t read a single thing. Damn.

* * *

« I hope my sweet Charter didn’t cause any trouble. »

« What ? She is lovely ! Obviously well-trained as well, everything went perfectly even despite the circumstances. I am bewildered at findind things still sorted out after such a crisis ! » Josephine was beaming, stretching into her chair.

« I am so sorry that I had to leave all of a sudden. You all did a wonderful job in my absence I am certain. » The spymaster nodded in faith.

« Ha ! I have to confess I was taken by surprise at first. But it all did turn out excellent in the end. So, tell me ! These were your first vacations right ? How’s it been ? Where’d you wander to ? I want **ALL** the details ! »

Josephine had been a bard, Leliana had been a bard, both of them knew what was happening here all too well. It felt fake, a faint smell of murder lurking by the corners. Leliana smiled her heart out as she had done thousands times.

« You will never believe me, I went into the mountains to meditate with the snow rabbits, and I found a spot ! The spot !! It had so many of them ! And it had a vinehouse ! It is a little cabin covered in vines, it was… Wonderful. It made me realize that sometimes I do think about settling down at long last, growing flowers and knitting blankets in a well deserved rest. I could become a teacher, I could help everyone to bask in more sunlight, prevent them from falling down the abyss. Is there anything better in Thedas than to put a blanket over some shoulders and ease their little walk through life ? »

« Yes, very good. » The ambassador rested her chin over her jointed hands, listening intently. She looked down her various letters, a few shaken houses would already ask to join the Inquisition after losing their leader. Desperately seeking for the new winning horse that could stand up to Celene and have their little pride preserved. Them allying with anything Fereldan was extremely entertaining to see.

She replied : « As we were not able to contact you, you should absolutely be informed of Gaspard’s death first and foremost. This was very sudden, it caught everyone by surprise. I truly wonder who gathered the nerve to do this, even though it was of course welcome to plenty. »

The red haired put her hand to her cheek. « No.Way. The Grand Duc ? The King is going to be so relieved that the minor warrings by the border will cease. »

 _I know how you lie and you know that I do._ « Speaking of which, Alistair Theirin did send something for you ! I apologize for inspecting the letter in details in your absence. » She slid the destroyed envelope forward for her to pick up.

« Don’t you even worry about it, thank you for bearing with me, you’re _such a wonderful friend_. »

Ok, this is enough.

« You went to Jader right ? Fate is such a fascinating thing, for that it is exactly at the same time the Grand Duc would perish, that the Nellie girl had been seen there the few days prior, and that you would show back up with her by your side. »

« I will only tell one thing : Hero of Ferelden. Narah was kept there, Gaspard intended to force the kingdom to his side. I merely fred us from additionnal agony. That, and the fact that I am one fool of a desperate romantic. »

_So it was her after all. Well yes, nobody here ever doubted that. She didn’t._

Josephine could barely hold her nerves. « Do you have an- »

« -Any idea of what you have just done ? Yes. I do. Moreso than everyone else ever. It was stupid and necessary. » She was reading through Alistair’s letter, she would giggle had the atmosphere not been so tense. He remembered the nugs. « But now it is done and we’ve got no choice but dealing with it. Let’s use it. Surely a bunch have come in search for political shelter already ? Putting their forces to repel Tevinter and get the breach closed before any trouble could reach pure mighty Orlais ? Returning there as charitable saviors of the world ? »

Miss Montilyet was gripping the rim of her sleeves. Grieving. She inhaled, exhaled. « So what about the Hero ? »

« She’s here. Don’t tell anyone. »

Her eyes lit up a bit. «  _Here_  ? Why didn’t you introduce us ! »

Leliana snorted internally. « Discretion, Josie. »

« With Tevinter around her presence could do a lot to exhort the troops. I wonder how close she would be from Andraste in the hearts of the locals. Nevermind the situation, this is a major asset. »

« I am sorry, we cannot afford to have the nobles track her down so soon, they would add two and two way too easily. We will have to make do without her, for a while. »

« Maker. You aren’t making my life any easier this time around. »

Leliana smirked at her. « This is payback for the you-know-what. »

« You’re bringing up **that** now ? » She winced.

« Always keep your cards up for the desperate draws. »

The Ambassador sighed and capitulated.

* * *

Far to the East, Cassandra, the Herald, Varric and Vivienne arrived to Therinfal Redoubt.

Knight-Templar Delrin Barris greeted them on sight. « Inquisition ! Please do come in, Lord Seeker Lucius has been expecting you. »

« Has he ? After what happened in Val Royeaux ? » Cassandra was severely doubting.

« Indeed, it seems he has recently changed his mind, he now seeks to negociate an alliance with the Herald. »

« Well ! This is fortunate. Let us meet at once if he would have us ! » Rejoiced voice.

The templar left to the stairs.

« Be careful. »

The whole party turned around, only to be met with the deserted plains. Ominous.

« Did you all… Hear this ? » The Herald inquired.

There was an awkward pause.

« I am quite sure there was a young man right here. » Vivienne stated.

« Did you see him ? » Varric, squinting around, trying to locate some blurry motion of stealth.

« I… cannot remember. »

Anguish fell upon the party.

And the Herald collasped all over the dwarf.

« Sweet Andraste ! »

About twenty templars rushed all around them, blades bare, raised at them.

« What is the meaning of this ? » Cassandra grunted.

« Smells like trap, Seeker. » Varric deadpaned.

« Don’t move and all shall be well … ? » One soldier shouted in… very moderate assurance.

Everybody went into fight position and stood still for minutes. Until the dwarf coughed it off.

« So, there’s no use talking it off ? »

« We are following orders. »

« What has been happening with the Lord Seeker, what has been happening with you templars ? We sincirely only want to understand. We don’t have to fight, we are all on the same side ! »

« You are but heretics !! Don’t dare putting us together ! »

« Darlings, » Vivienne interrupted, « it might have not yet occured to you that sealing the Breach was the superior issue at the moment. Whatever the Chantry approves of us or not, we are mandated by the late Divine and have to do our duty to honor her sacrifice. Let us unite. Have the quarrels postponed. »

Cassandra approved greatly. The templars were at loss.

« STILL. We can’t ! We are to wait here for… for… Orders. This has always been the ways of the military. »

Varric sighed dramatically. _Brainless dogs._

All of a sudden, the Herald woke up in a scream. Everyone jolted and glared at him. The air was only grewing more tense.

« The Lord Seeker is a demon ! I mean. No. It is _not_ the Lord Seeker but a demon harboring his face !! »

The templars stared at each other in distress. « Nonsense ! We are templars, we _would_ notice ! »

Or would they ?

Doubt spread over all of them.

Their lieutenants had been disappearing. They betrayed the chantry out of nowhere. They hurried into their stronghold instead of protecting civilians from the mages, and now there were evil magisters threatening of invasion. And there they were, absolutely doing everything not to get any involved at all.

Barris was the first one to turn to their side. « I had a feeling something was amiss since the events in Val Royeaux. I am sorry, comrades, but as dubious as sir Herald sounds, I need to make sure. »

The other soldiers reluctantly cleared the way, right before red templars ran at them, swipping off all further questionning to the side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL. What can I say.  
> "Be careful." Cole waving the red flags, protect him


	22. Warriors

The Lord Seeker was a demon, Envy. The templars stared at the dismembered form wiggle angrily at everything.

« WHY WON’T YOU LET ME HAVE YOU ? »

« I have NO IDEA why ! Mysteries ! » The Herald answered as he blocked a strike.

The skinny pink blob clawed at his shield in rage.

« I WANT THE ELDER ONE TO DESIRE ME AS WELL »

Varric dodged a splash of acid coming his way.« Tis getting kinky in here ! »

« This is wrong ! You don’t have to be like this ! » A random boy _(???)_ popped in the middle of the fight and slashed its sides with a set of daggers.

« BEGONE, INTRUDER. NOBODY CALLED FOR YOU. »

« The templars called for me ! The pain, skin tearing, nails falling off, my eyes can’t see no more, why is this happening ? Please make it end ! »

« SHUT UP » Envy derailed from the fight and lashed out at the young rogue.

« Watch out ! » Cassandra cried out. She jumped at the demon across the courtyard, her sword sslashing diagonally. Vivienne raised barriers at the clustered trio, avoiding the demon by any mean.

The boy catched a blow between his crossed knives. He was looking at the monster straight into… the ‘eyes’. « I hear your hurt as well ! You don’t have to keep this up ! It is never too late ! You’re setting yourself for grief ! You can always go back, all it takes is the will ! You can be faith again ! »

 _ **What**_ _is he talking about ???_ Vivienne furrowed her brow, while Cassandra shook it off to focus on her slaying.

Everyone stopped talking and threw their all into battle. Eventually, the demon fell. Sparkly ashes to the ground. The five panted heavily, boy and dwarf sat on the floor, seeker rested on her knees, mage on her staff, Herald wiping his forehead.

« It’s over now. » The young rogue stated plainly.

After some more breathing, the Seeker turned to the templars. «  **What** _was_ **that**  ? » She scowled.

The templars stared at each other in disbelief, eyes wide.

« We… we…never knew... » Barris uttered. « When … ? How ? It was _right_ _there…_  »

The Seeker sighed. « Let us investigate the keep. There has to be some clues. »

The clues, they eventually found out, were messages scattered across Lucius’ room.

Cassandra read it throughout. « They mention that _Elder one_ , the infected templars were to obey them. The fools, they were tortured into those transformations. »

« Red Lyrium is no good, is it that hard to figure out ? » Varric grunted.

« If _they_ resort to such means, they must be desperate and their goal worth sacrificing half their men. » Vivienne nodded to herself.

« Whatever the case, it lead them to destroy the southern templars altogether. It is a good thing we got the mages in time back then. »

« Excuse me... » A voice sidled from the door. Knight-Templar Barris. « It might not be much but there are still a few of us. We… We made a terrible mistake. Please do let us make amends. »

Cassandra considered. Every help was welcome but was this reasonable ? Honor was a vertue to preserve. She agreed.

* * *

A crow perched on Leliana’s shoulder. These field operators were retrieving the few surviving templars from what had been discovered a massacre. For an unknown reason, their chiefs had been taking red lyrium and turned into fighting beasts. Their presence by the same time as the Tevinters, right after the breach opening, was especially worrisome and hinted at some overarching plot. And there they were, their apocalyptic summer camp, right in the middle of it. The best thing at this point would be to run at once, but they could not leave the people defenseless to this mess, they could not accept that.

Curiously, the magisters had stayed extremely calm by Redcliffe, there was no havoc, no nothing. They were _waiting_ for something, definitely. As for the red templars, it was a complete mystery. Were there more to them ? Were they all killed by the Herald  & co ? Were they also _waiting_ for something, somewhere ?

The locals were to hear as little of it as possible. It was heavy, heavy panic material. The plan was extremely simple : gather their small crowd by the Temple of Sacred Ashes, make the Herald close the thing, and memorable one-year-long party.

The spymaster catched a glimpse of her beloved in a remote corner downtown. Having her nearby was a strong relief, and it was like a little secret, it was hers and Josie’s only. She would smile to herself, heart slightly lightened. It made her warm at night and her days even-tempered. The escalating scale of things was somehow easier to handle as she was no longer alone.

 _It will not last._ She would think, well adjusted to the inclinations of fate.

She reported to her ambassador friend. There was much work to do to prepare for the new guests. It mostly involved soothing the animosity from the mages. This would be Josie’s territory.

As she passed by the door, her ears twitched at Roderick yelling the poor Commander over. Oh dear. Was this one ever done screaming ? _Ffs_.

But they stroke on that night.

* * *

The alarm was rung as the Tevinter army set march. The soldiers prepared the catapults and trebuchets, everyone set their armors and bared their weapons, the people retreated into the chantry, the mages raised barriers and drew lyrium potions, and the healers braced themselves for endurance.

 _However_ ,

Nobody expected an immediate dragon.

_**HHHRRWWRRRYYYYYYYYAAAAAARRWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRR** _

The beast flew over the sturdy walls and started spiting fire at them. It was repelled by the shields and spells but it did set the tone. After a moment of bewilderment, the warriors went back to their senses. It looked like an Archdemon. It looked an awful lot like an Archdemon. Some of them had been at Denerim, _they could tell_. Was this ringing the start of the long awaited sixth blight ? What was the involvment of Tevinter in this ? Did they control the blight, now ??

« FIRE ! » Cullen yelled, and a rain of magic and arrows ascended upon the dragon. It screamed, moved away by the mountain, turned arond and dove right back at the troops.

« DISPERSE ! » Everyone ran to the sides. A quarter of the little houses were blasted on impact. A new wave of fire quickly took on the wood planks. The short ranged soldiers threw their blades at its legs and sides. It screamed, swiped half of them over and flew back off to the sky.

« Maker, Leliana, do we have any Grey Warden at all ? » He panted as he reached the Nightingale nearby.

« There are two, » She winced at the eventuality, « there is a slight chance for us to manage ! We could end the sixth blight even before it started ! »

« May Andraste protect us, you should help the civilians escape, Haven is going down ! »

« You need my help Commander ! »

« They need you even more, GO ! » He pushed her away, she glared, but then nodded, and rushed to the Chantry.

Their small respise was soon over as the giant lizard came back and proceeded to crush ten more cabins.

« CATAPULT, FIRE. »

Flying rocks to its back, a bulder tore a hole in a wing, it shrieked so loud it broke every piece of glass. Stunned, half the warriors were easily slaughtered. The mages, stunned as well, couldn’t bind their spirits in time. They were gone forever.

* * *

Word of the attack spread like veilfire all over the land through the Inquisition camps, all the way to the Seeker who dropped everything, pulled all men out of bedrolls at once and threw them on their horses. _We won’t make it._

_We won’t make it._

An ominous red glow was emanating from the Frostback mountains in the distant night.

« He doesn’t care about the village, he only wants him. » The voice from before whispered to their minds.

* * *

« My Lord... »

A servant interrupted the hectic debate of the two mage men. Solas sighed and excused himself. Dorian rolled his eyes dramatically and went back to his scribbling.

« Young one ? »

« An Archdemon attacked Haven. »

His heart skipped a beat. So soon ? The Herald had not closed the breach yet. Ha. It seemed he might have been successfully breaking the world free from the script. He hurried back to the room and snatched the amulet away. The mage glared at him, questionning.

« It has started. Wish me luck. »

« Try to come back in one piece so that I am not to crawl in this hole forever. »

Black armor again, no furs, no nothing. He needed to hurry, and threw himself at the mirror.

* * *

« Do not let any of them escape. » A low, deep voice growled over the town.

The Tevinter mages had arrived, surrounding the area. The dragon was right in the middle of Haven, roaming, watching over the many captives. The lowest part of town was covered with bodies, empty.

« I congratulate you for that you managed to sabotage my army. But I do not resent you, I do not care for you. I am here for Him, who bears the key to the Beyond. Perhaps killing you one by one ought to bring him to me. All of this is his fault, people, as he interrupted a ritual years in the planning, and instead of dying, he stole its purpose. Kneel to me and I may bear mercy. »

« Nobody is kneeling to a fucking Darkspawn ! » Narah yelled from the barracks.

« I am the _will_ that is Corypheus. I once breached the Fade in the name of another, to serve the Old Gods of the empire _in person_. I found only chaos and corruption. Dead whispers. For a thousand years I was confused. No more. I have gathered the _will_ to return under no name but my own, to champion withered Tevinter and correct this blighted world. BEG that I succeed, for I have seen the throne of the gods, and _it was empty_  ! »

This sent a shudder to the whole assembly, Haven people staring in horror, chantry sisters fainting.

« Eat shit and die, Corylingus ! » an elven lady archer spat in his direction.

The darkspawn turned to her. « You made your choice. I shall start with you. » He raised his arm to her and bound her to the ground. She grunted painfully. Corypheus walked to her, slowly, threatening, towering. This was to serve as example, to subjugate the others.

« Piss. Shit. Fuck. » She mumbled, agonizing in terror as she struggled over the floor.

As he lay his distorted hand over her, thunder punched him right to the face.

« Not even in your dreams, vint bastard ! » Narah, on the verge of collapsing over mana entirely emptied, still managed to gather the will to confront. This was a very bad idea, this was one hell of a disastrous idea. But she did, she had to. No one was able to stand anymore, so many others dead, even the tough Cullen was lying on his stomach, badly wounded.

« Whatever you are, we are not afraid !! » She growled.

« Words mortals often hurl at the darkness. Once they were mine. They are always lies. You will always resist. It matters not. »

By the time he was done talking, the elf had retrieved an arrow and tried to plant it into his ankle. It merely grated over the stone hard skin. She cursed more in complaint.

« Pointless. » He ignored the archer altogether and grabbed the Warden instead. « You will learn your place. Rejoice for the accession of your one true god. »

« ENOUGH. »

A powerful cry froze the whole scene in place. A slender figure appeared from the towering hill nearby. Nellie raised her head only to see Solas, clad in shining black plates, a wide cape flowing behind and a shining green necklace, dazzling over his chest.

He jumped down to the courtyard in a graceful motion, under the wide-eyes of the last of the people before him. Corypheus seemed to take forever to turn around, he was slow, all of a sudden, eternally slow, while the tall elf was fast and agile, and the elf planted an ice blade between his two eyes before he could barrier, before he could anything. He commanded the spike to spread into more spikes, and soon the whole of the magister’s form was torn to pieces and dissolved in black tainted goo. A grey stone ball fell off and rolled away. He carefully picked it up. The amulet went dark and time was normal again.

The Venatori attacked him at once, the ball lit up slightly and they all turned to stone. The dragon lost no time to fly away on seing luck turning, as it was untamed and just free of orders.

Solas breathed heavily.

Everybody blinked. Leliana was the first to crawl a meter forward and asked : « Solas ? **What the fuck ?**  »

And suddenly, the whole tension melted into relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to stop myself short of unleashing some Envy angst. for fuck's SAKE. STOP  
> But in the end everything is alright !! Corypheus is defeated at Haven after a very tough battle, everyone is happy at long last !


	23. Wail

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LIED

Or so they thought. As everyone was taking in a good breath, Solas, on the other side, stayed silent, withdrawn, entirely focused on his round rock, back to grey.

Nellie felt out of the world as everyone started embracing each other. Was it over ? Could it be over ? Her brain stopped functionning altogether. She simply stared at the scene like it was a picture. The people who still could started tending to wounds immediately. Cullen had rolled over, stare glazing off. The blonde elf curled up and cried in rage, Leliana dragged herself towards the Warden in exhausted concern, Josephine fixed on the ground, clutching her dress as if her life depended on it.

And Solas was standing, Solas was silent, still, he did never look at them. He had no right into it, he couldn’t partake in the glee, not with what he was about to do.

And this was the moment Narah started coughing. It was light at first, but a headache seized her. She laid a hand on the floor, kneeling on impact. She coughed deeper. Leliana had arrived, she managed to sit by and patted her back lovingly.

« You truly are a Hero my dear, well done on buying us the time, we avoided many other deaths thanks to you. »

She tried to voice something, but voice did not happen, she coughed more, started to spit some blood. Black blood.

Her guts screamed at her to move away, so loud than she did despite herself. Tears rushed to her eyes. The crowd went silent as they realized something was happening.

The magister formed out of the Warden’s body in a blink. The people screamed at the horrific vision. Skins pale as the moonlight.

 _So this is how it is !_ He possessed new bodies after death ! This was quite troublesome. With the orb now in his hands, he paralyzed the darkspawn easily.

« From the void you came. To the Void you shall return. » He lifted his right hand, ball in the left. He extended his fingers, and then clenched his fist in a swift motion upwards.

Corypheus

Exploded

and flew up to the sky, right into the breach.

The elf wiped his heavy sweat off his forehead. He cleared his throat an instant, and turned towards the Temple of Sacred Ashes. Leaving.

« WAIT ! »

The Ambassador had been the only one able to achieve a reaction.

The mage stopped in his steps. Considered. He closed his eyes in pain, wincing. He breathed, and turned his head to them.

She processed it hardly. The Apostate Solas, the lone wanderer, who had helped them at the start, without question, despite them being heavily templar at first. He had so much knowledge nobody had ever heard of, he was talking to spirits, he was very calm, never impressed, stern and focused. He was wise. He had pride, unusually elegant demenaor, he was giant for an elf and his origins unknown. All of it piled up in her mind, it had been there all along but nobody ever noticed.

« … … … Who… Are you ? »

He chuckled. Solas chuckled. He chuckeled and then snorted like he would do in other circumstances. He was shattered. These people, they had lived through so much, and their will never shattered. In their honor, he would do what he must. In their honor, he would fix the world back to right, he would overthrow the Biowares, and everything would be ready to start anew, no more mistakes. He vowed to himself, that he would see to it. Forever. For them.

He smiled, broken, overcome with sudden emotion.

« Congratulations, all of you did very well. I shall now close the breach and clean up all the mess that went on for millenias. I apologize for it, all of it, and I am now going to make amends. Live well, while time remains. Be proud of your accomplishments as they are none other but your own. »

He would free all of them, all the characters of the game, from the past and future alike, and he would claim free will back to Thedas. He would die for it.

He glanced over the quiet crowd, and locked eyes with Nellie. She averted her eyes but knew it was too late. He acknowledged her, and simply turned back.

He disappeared into the blizzard, leaving Haven in flames and the people blown away.

They stared silent as they witnessed the Breach closing in the distant sky.

* * *

One week passed. It was slow, it was fast, time didn’t exist anymore to Haven. Everyone had stopped working, they were mute, sitting by fire camps, staring at the boundless void cramped inside of them. Nobody knew how their hearts had kept beating at all, the will to anything withered down to ashes.

The Herald and his troop had not taken long to reach town, but it was long over. Corypheus, the Tevinter mages, the demons, the Breach. There was none of those left. Everything was well and good. Everything except them. The sight came as a shock, especially for Cassandra. Cullen had gone back to his lyrium shots, Leliana had regressed into a child. Josephine, the only one who bore the illusion of functionning, was catering to her needs as would have a mother.

Nobody was willing to talk of what happened. Bull was there, thankfully, to provide testimony.

As there were no longer any need for him, the Herald, tired of this bullshit, decided to take his leave and went back to the Trevelyans. Vivienne, unable to stand the gloom, went back to the orlesian court where at least things were lively. Sera hid in the back of the Chantry. Varric set off to handle the destruction of all red lyrium, sometimes he would sit down and work on one hell of a new book. Blackwall had wandered off, Iron Bull sent his report, and went looking for intel on the whereabouts of this weird ass dragon as well as new jobs for his chargers. Cole was at loss with this blank slate of emotions all around him and eventually went to help in some near western farms.

Mother Gisele, blessed be she and her valiant heart, was quick to call for help from the Chantry, who didn’t dare withholding any of it after her famous past protests in Orlais.

Everything was over, and so were all of their souls. Done. Forever. They were : done.

By the end of that week, King Alistair and Queen Anora Theirin came to pay a visit, to hold funerals for the many victims. They mourned everyone at once : the fallen of the rebellion, the civilian casualties, the victims of Haven, the victims of the Conclave, Justinia. Everyone. They folded thousands of paper cranes and flew them away with wind spells.

Alistair tried to reach for Leliana. She was curled up by the frozen lake, distractly playing with a sprout of elfroot. The King sat by her side. They stayed quiet for half an hour.

« I wish I had got to see her one last time. » He articulated, finally.

She rose her unfocus eyes to his side, lips slightly parted. She seemed confused at first, then she stared at the sky. « Do you still believe in the Maker, Alistair ? Dude be such a sick prankster. » She shook her head, helpless. She was too tired, too hollow, to be any angry anymore.

He knew it was rethorics and he went right past it. « Even at the end, she brought us together… You all were about my only friends, you know... »

She crossed her arms over her knees and nested her head on them. « How did you know… »

« Your Josephine friend warned me. It appears you had outed my unrequited crush of old. This was not very nice. You lady should learn from your ambassador, she’s nice. I am grateful she told me. I am not sure you would have yourself. »

« I’m sorry. You’re probably right. » She cluthed her clothes.

The King looked at her, never had she seemed so frail, vulnerable. He could have sworn seeing her shoulders shake a little. He stretched his arm around her back bent in half.

« Alistair… You know... » She struggled to utter. « I missed the chance to tell you... » She stared into his eyes, cheeks flushed purple, lips trembling. « I was very happy… That you remembered my nugs… They are… all… very good nugs… » She wrinkled her whole face to keep the words going to the end. « I love them… I… love… »

She burst in tears into his broad chest. He fell into tiny pieces, all over her. He tried very hard not to cry but it was no use. Together they mourned both their grieving hearts out. The Maker could cordially go fuck himself for this.

The pained, relentless wail of the Nightingale resonated across the echoing mountains.

* * *

Nellie girl had settled back into Solas’ stash. It was somehow one of the three last standing houses. The irony could kill. Nobody wanted to approach from twenty meters afar. At the very least. Her head was heavy, and anything beyond sitting unmanageable. The pictures wouldn’t stop flashing before her eyes, her warden character to her ungodly end. Her own face twisting, growing red lyrium and fleshbits, and then- She stopped herself from recalling any more, dragged herself by the window and puked yet one other time. This as a game would need some rating R40. Everyone in town was doing outright awful, and the oldest ones here would be in their thirties. It made sense. Whatever, she let herself slide to the floor. She was exhausted. She had not closed her eyes in days. What were days anyway ? It felt as if nothing mattered anymore. It felt as if they were dead. Souls and spirits sullied out of existence, forever. But her lids were falling now, her brain slowly giving in. She believed she had just felt someone put the blanket on her… But… she… could not… remember…

She pokerfaced on finding Solas on the other side.

« How are you feeling ? »

She stared in confusion. What was he saying ? Did he say something, even ? The Fade felt different from before, it was more at peace. Well, the hole thing had been tightly sewn back after all. She stared at the black city, it made her remind of the magister of course. He had been one of these people you can see on the opening cutescene of origins. Amazing. Disgusting. She felt dizzy, but the elf stomped his foot and cleared her head off all words in an instant.

So, how was she feeling, was it ? Very funny. The funniest, this was, truly, such a nice joke. You are quite the jokester, Quality-Time-Solas, this was his full name on his ID card. But people did not have an ID card here. She used to. She remembered. Was it not to be expired very soon ?

_Ha... I miss home…I miss… Simple things… As in… Uncomplicated things… Plain things… Boring things… The pointless things… I want those… Give me five hundreds please… I will take… All of them…_

« What will it take to magic me out of here. »

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do realize  
> that I kind of pulled a patrick weekes here  
> I am so very sorry. Please do note that I am as (if not more) shattered than you. This was my ship. MY SHIP. I destroyed it, stomped over it and threw it into the ocean forever. What. happened.  
> Let's have a bit of explaination here : I had always intended for Corypheus to die at Haven from Solas&agents. I had, however, not realized the implications of having the Warden being there at the same time right until I reached this chapter.  
> Nobody knew about it. And it happened, it was logic : there was no other possibility, I just trapped myself bad here. You are a casualty.  
> I'm sorry
> 
> My leli, Alistair,  
> Gomen


	24. Gods

‘ _Let us cooperate_ ’ He told her. The girl would soon find herself taken away. She bade no farewells, she didn’t have the strenght. They didn’t let her know where they went, but honestly she could not care any less. The elves gave her sight back on arrival, she could find a light golden castle there, all colours washed off to the unforgiving sun. There were tall trees reaching for the sky and white hallas roaming around. Elven definitely.

She stared at it like it was the void. She was actively done in this instant. It was nice and pretty, she had no soul to witness. A halla came and poked her back, she took it into her arms. Soft and warm.

« If you may please enter. » The elven mage. Who was he. How was anyone this powerful. For a game, it screamed either protagonist or vilain. Sometimes it could be both. Ok.

She followed him into the marble corridor, countless elves watching them pass by in silence, bowing to their master apparently. Once he’d lead her to some room, she asked him : « You own slaves ? »

His eye twitched. « All of them are willing to be here. I thought our conversations would have made you see that I could not be the type. »

« People often can’t spot their own contradictions. »

He looked at her, cold as stone. « Yes. »

Nellie detailed the room before her. It mostly had a bed and that was about it. « Are you going to keep me dreaming here ? »

« This is indeed what is planned. »

« And I must remember everything. »

« So is needed. »

She let herself fall on the mattress. « Whatever, just do the thing. »

He frowned, closed his eyes, he lifted a hand over her head and put her to sleep. She had asked no question, she had complied to everything. It felt wrong somehow, he was taking advantage, that much was undeniable. It was for the sake of the **plans** , he told himself. And everything was made fine again. He took a detour before joining her in the Fade. He went by the guest room, empty now, as Dorian had been released ; his role over. Had he disposed of the time amulet ? Yes and no. He did bring the trinket down to pieces as promised, but kept all the knowledge tightly packed in his mind. There was no need for this at the moment, maybe not ever again. The orb he recovered granted him more power than anyone alive. He had basically won. The last of the Evanuris : Fen’harel had returned.

The little hands maintaining the place cleared the way to the Eluvian. Could they count as slaves ? He had fred them, all of them, from Orlais, from Tevinter, everywhere he went he would meet more of them. He took everyone in, tried to teach them agency as they took part in his intrigue. ‘ _You can’t just free someone from themsel_ _ves_ ’ she had told him. He thought about it. To which extent was he just another master to these ex-servants ? It was depressing. Was there no way to help that at all ? How heavy could one’s past weigh on their daily lives even as it were long over ? When would it stop ? Would it even stop at all ?

There was no other way but to erase this future.

He plopped out of a mirror and into a quiet clearing.

« I knew you would come. »

A woman, sitting at the top of a statue, crossed legs dangling, she was staring him down, laying her strong presence.

« Flemeth. »

« My old friend. It seems you managed to fall back on your paws in the end, congratulations. This was not self-evident. Giving up your orb to Corypheus was quite the bold move. »

« I worked hard on it and fate went my way at last. I might have undercovered the reason of my failures, and a way to bypass. There is a greater force at play. »

« So you truly did find out about _them_. »

« I have stumbled upon one of their kind out of luck. You knew ? »

« I always knew. » She stared in the distance. « What are you going to do ? »

He looked down, fiddling his gloves. « I shall carry out the plan to bring the magic back. I came to warn you of the upcoming trouble. »

« That is very considerate of you, Dread Wolf. What will you do once our brethren shall force their way back to you ? »

« I believe you had an old affair to settle with them. »

Flemeth snorted. « You, delegating work ? Ha. You are very right though. So the time has finally come ? »

« Yes, finally. »

« I shall get myself prepared then. Do what you must _lethallin_. »

He bowed and went back. Irritated and relieved. She always got under his skin so fast. His heart was beating heavily.

* * *

 _What could be taking him so long ?_ She wondered, as she made little waves in a pond with her pinky finger. He never did specify time so she assumed it would be immediately. All was white around her. She could not think of anything. She just felt like water and there she was, liying by the green pool. There were algae at the bottom, it looked like a tiny underwater forest, bending gently to her currents.

Solas did come eventually, the game, he wanted. She provided. She didn’t want to look at that screen anymore. She thought about their relationship, it had been so weird, only down to business, she knew he had so much to tell though. She who relished lore over anything, never got to have more than one (1) proper conversation and that single one had been most trying. She realized, that he had always taken her seriously no matter what she told him. He could have refused to believe her words but he never did so. Was it open-mindness, trust, naivete ? She had not gone easy on him, right from the first day, telling him things like him not being alive, and somehow it felt like it had not been lost on him, like it actually meant something.

Both of them stayed by their own, separated spots. Solas was making sure he was not missing on anything, but it seemed the game mostly involved putting Corypheus down, which was already done being taken care of. His character had lead everyone to Skyhold, strangely. Such a loaded place, to surrender it like that kind of felt out of the world. What was ‘he’ thinking ? He was relieved that he hadn’t come to this point in his reality. But this was not all : they attended an orlesian party, they visited and saved the last of the sentinels, and Flemeth revealed herself as Mythal’s legacy. He learnt one thing though : how the immortality of Corypheus worked. That woman back then had to be a Grey Warden then. Not much of a loss, he shrugged it away. Another battle later, the end credits rolled in.

« Could you please look a this ? This is confusing. »

Nellie glanced at it. « It is the names of everyone who united to create the game. »

He squinted. « All of these lines constitute the Bioware people ? »

She nodded and went back to her iddle.

If only he was able to make sense out of this text it could give great clue. He stared at it until it all rolled out. Then a new place appeared, a place he had just gone to an afternoon ago.

« I knew you would come. » He was suddenly very interested in what would have happened, had he had not changed History.

« You should not have given your orb to Corypheus, Dread Wolf. »

Nellie’s ears twitched in the background. She knew this name. She drew near to watch the cutescene along. Character-Solas appeared then, she widened her eyes.

« I was too weak to unlock it after my slumber. The failure was mine. I should pay the price, but the People, they need me. » He was on the verge of crying. _What was happening ?_ « I am so sorry. » _Woaaaah_ She stared at her Solas intently, too overwhelmed by information, mouth open but mute.

« I am sorry as well, old friend. » Solas and Flemeth  _HugGED_ .

A nd then… he… mind-stabbed her ? And… Absorbed her essence ? Or something ? She turned to stone and his eyes lit in smoke. The end.

« WHAAAAATTTTTTTTTT » She girl shouted.

Solas put the controller down at long last, it was over. So he would reach for the last-resort plan in that reality. It was creeping him out.

« YOU’RE FEN’HAAAARREEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLL » She couldn’t get over herself.

«  I  might  have been found out. »

«  OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH MMMYYYYYYYYYYY GGGGGGGOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDD »

He got to watch her go through one thousands emotions and expressions, none of them were what he would have expected upon revealing himself. None of them were resent ment , nor hate, nor fear.

«  It’S AWESOME !!! »

_What the fuck._

« You  mus t be confused, Fen’Harel is the famous  bringer of misfortune, evil deceiver, jeering jailer of the almighty Creators. »

«  You’re an ELF. You’re a MAGE. You’re HERE AND REAL ! YOU’RE THE LORE ITSELF, I’M TALKING TO THE LORE. »

O k that was not making any sense.

« Are you serious ? »

«  How OLD are you even ?  **OMG**  »  She went right next to him and leaned over the couch, starry eyes.  _Why was this making her so happy ?_

« My body is about 37, my spirit millenias. »

She squealed. «  Wh at were you doing all this time ? »

« Uthenera ? »

_Gasp !!_ « It makes sense  now , all of it ! What happened back then ?? »

«  Why are you not afraid ? » He finally raised his voice a little bit, bewildered, brow furrowed,  he was getting deeply flustered.

S he jolted out of her fangirl transe and paused.  She was  all over the place and s uddenly  invading him out. She saw the distress painted on h is face and backed down  a little .  Despite the awesome he was still a person…  She mind-slapped herself.

«  I’m sorry, I am very passionate about Thedas’ History. I tried my very best to learn as much as I could. I am awful with  timelines but… I did what I could… So… To meet someone as  _important_ as you !! To think that you were right here ! So  **important** and so  **close**  ! All this time ! You were even in the player party, that’s … ! I… I really wish I played this game so hard now... »

_This again. More meddling with their lives, did these humans never learn ?_

«  I am about to burn this world down. »

S he stopped in her tracks.

« I am about to set the Veil down. It was me who  cast it in the first place.  It was a last-resort, every other alternative was worse. I severed magic from the world, I brought the Elvhen to their ends, I destroyed Arlathan, I set o ur weakened, defenseless descendants up for slavery.  The elven  _gods_ , they were called Evanuris, I set the Veil to trap them out of the land, to set everyone free from their irresponsible, dangerous  madness. I killed us. I condemned us. I went asleep forever and now the Veil is crumbling and about to send everything into the Void. Do you know about the Void ? Andruil went there. She never came back whole. This is where the blight came from.  But the gods didn’t stay still while I was out  of the game in sleep , they dragged Magisters to their prison and spread the disease afar.  Everything I ever did was a succession of failures, I failed everyone, and I am about to do it again if only to fix it all back to normal ! I am about to burn this world down. »

S he would cry tears of joy at the massive plot twists, which  brought Solas to agony.  Did she not understand anything ?

«  What did the Evanuris do ? »

_S_ _o he was in for stories, NOW ?_ At this point, nothing mattered. «  Wars of influence, massive sacrifices  for blood magic, torturing each other’s slaves to try to get the advantage, starting cults to strenghen their powers... »

« Cults ?  For their egos ?  »

He sighed, giving up on resisting, his voice softened slowly. « Not only egos. Back then the fade was a part of the world, it was everywhere. Spirits lived together with the People, spirits _were_ the People.  In facts, spirits are emotions, vice and virtue. They exist as long as their essences are experienced. Just like all things in the fade are made from the numerous minds. To put it simply : thoughts can enforce a spirit. As long as someone remembers, it will keep living on, strong. The Evanuris pulling cults that survived to this very day assured them that they could never be fully destroyed. The first of my people do not die so easily. »

«  Then ! » She was processing the news as she could. « They are still around ! What will you do when they get released ? »

« … I had plans... »

This was somehow the most alarming thing she had ever heard in her entire life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This made me reexperience the plot twist and brought a smile to my face :)


	25. Library

Both of them woke up and she ran right to him, she tried to find him for starters, nobody was willing to talk to her, so she roamed the stronghold until she would find his room.

Solas was holding his head in his hands, sitting by the edge of the bed. What the fuck was wrong with those humans. What was… that unconditional acceptance that he was recieving now ? A trap ? He gave her an exhausted look when she barged into his room. « There you are !! »

She stared at him a little, he felt like dying.

« Okay sorry I **will** calm down now. »

The girl was interested in him. This much was _obvious_. It was… Overwhelming. Despite all his knowledge, from the fade, from the Ancient times, he had **no** idea how to handle this one matter. She was one of the powerful humans who seemed to rule everything. Flemeth confirmed for him, it was real. Their morals were only getting shadier by the minute. Was her non-reproving his acts a sign that he was doing it wrong again ? That it could only fail ? Or was it only satisfying further curiosity ? The _pr_ _oviding escapism_ thing ? It had to be it. Being the center of attention just like this, from someone who was not actively trying to kill him, was making him very uneasy and he was at loss for what to do.

The mage stared at her staring back at him, and just like that, they stared at each other eyes to eyes for the first time.

« Could you tell me more about Arlathan ? You were there, it’s... ! I understand now when you said it was kind of like Tevinter. Were the spirit people lesser-citizens ? »

She drowned him in questions, with as much restraint as possible which was : no restraint, but it was calmer and kinder, she tried to articulate and weigh her words not to say more indelicate things. He provided answers despite himself, he just could not help it. It was as in the game : he had been desperate for conversation all this time. He narrated the old life and she kept picking up on it to question even further. It was never ending and it sounded like she actually understood what he was saying. The girl listened to all of it, trusting, valuing his past experiences.

At some point, she stated : « If there is some truth to the Chant of Light, it is so far gone, there’s no salvaging anymore. To think I’d taken the official history at face value for so long, I feel very stupid now. »

« What matters is for one to be willing to challenge their opinions. » As he said it, he realized he himself was way more stubborn than this.

« Do you know why people are so entitled to their certitudes ? » She seized the opportunity to bring in some trivia.

« Why, do you ? It is because everybody want to be right. It is Pride. » And that was his name.

« You could say this, but there is a biological explanation. The brain is lazy, it doesn’t wish to consume more energy than necessary. Challenging your views requires new neuronal connections to be made and this take hella lots of energy, so the brain refuses it and it tries to find a way to be right to keep lazing off in peace. »

He felt silent for a moment. « What is… biological... »

It hit her like a little rock. « Ha, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize. » She thought about it a little. « Biology is… science… » Did they know _science ?_ « of the body, how it lives, how it feeds and dies. Neurons are the tiny bits that compose the brain, the information is created when they get tied together in specific ways. Brain can make all kinds of connections, but once it’s set and once it grows older, it is very hard to undo. That’s why older people tend to be more narrow-minded and reject novelty, and why an habit is so hard to shoo away. » Or at least so was the way she understood it.

How come he had never heard about any of this ?

It felt so… advanced.

Suddenly he thought for the first time, that maybe, there was a possibility that he would be no match for them. How had it not striken him earlier ? But… he had the orb now ! Nothing was out of reach anymore ! Or was it ?

Maybe the girl was looking at him as a harmless kitten ? That would explain. She didn’t seem to have any power of her own, but their race however… Were they not as gods, in the end ?

He would try nonetheless, because if anyone was to succeed with this, it would be him. Nobody had as much power down there. He felt weak despite everything. What would it take for him to free everyone ? He looked up to Nellie, watching and waiting. He had not answered yet.

« I… really couldn’t explain better… Sorry... » she added embarrassed.

And now Solas felt ashamed. She wiggled her arms in the air, sensing the hurt. « Oh no dont be down, it’s fine, it’s nothing. » she was only making it worse though.

« I still have a lot to learn don’t I. » He stated, disbelieving.

She patted his shoulder.

« You are very great as you are !! You lived through the ages ! You’re a living testimony of the whole of History, you have seen it all ! You know more than I could ever learn about Thedas, you should write an entire library ! It would be amazing ! Someday people will read it and start doubting their beliefs ! It’s always hard at first, to shed light over an unpopular truth, it happened to us as well ! People used to think the earth was flat, and the main religion was forbidding everyone from saying otherwise. Thousands years later, almost all of us opened their eyes to the truth of the spherical world ! »

He collapsed over his knees. Was not the world supposed to be flat anymore ? She realized the new mistake and her whole face flushed. « I really should stop speaking now alright… »

The elf massaged his neck, entirely defeated. « It is alright… Please do continue... »

Solas was humbled as he let the girl narrate whatever knowledge she had gained through her homeworld life. She had never realized it but it was actually a lot, given the amount of questions she was surprisingly able to answer at least partially. It was making her feel all useful and educated. They chatted deep into the night, and he showed her a new side of him : how much he wanted to keep learning new things all the time and how starved he was for conversation.

« How do you want to be called now ? Fen’Harel ? »

« Please, no. » He shook is head. « I was Solas first, Fen’Harel came later. An insult I took as a badge of pride. The Dread Wolf inspired hope in my friends, and fear in my enemies. None of these are related to you, it is unnecessary. »

« So, Solas, that was a name from millenias ago, does it mean something ? »

« It is Pride in Ancient Elvhen. »

She thought about it. « Pride… That’s... » _A demon’s name._ She stopped herself from saying. « Er, was it usual for the ancient elves to be named after traits ? »

« There are a few. » He thought of still living Abelas. « But these mostly refered to the spirit kind. It continues to this day. »

‘ _S_ _pirits_ were _the People_ ’ Oh boy.

« Do the spirits remember… Arlathan… Or are they not the same anymore ? »

« The memory of Arlathan has been long lost to the living, so it mostly disappeared from the Fade as well, the stone of the ruins are often the last depositary. »

« It’s great you’re still around then ! You should definitely consider the library thing. Before… It’s too late... »

« You do remember that I mentioned world shattering plans earlier, don’t you ? »

« Yes, on this subject, I understand _very well_ that Thedas is currently shit, and you said you built the veil when there was no other choice, it’s fine. Now the veil is coming apart in a most worrying manner, I get it. »

He couldn’t believe it. Waiting for the ‘but’ though. It came next.

«  _However_ , do you truly have to do that ? Couldn’t you… I don’t know, postpone the problem by repairing the veil and ask someone else to look into it ? »

 _What_. He squinted at her in disapproval. « What could be the point of delaying it forever, besides causing even more harm ? And why would somebody else have to bear **my** burden ? This is wrong. Unfair. »

« Solas... » Empathy kicked in… and blew her soul away. « You were alone for so long. It must have been very hard. You did reach out to the dalish, right ? You said this before, but they rejected your truth. You spent your whole life in Uthenera by yourself, after trying to protect everyone and failing. You’re alone even in your own castle, were nobody look at you like they would an equal. »

He stared down.

« You do not have to do this. You’ve been through so much, it’s unbelievable that a single being had such a full, exhausting life, _so much_ happened to you. History does not have to be written alone. History should be what we all build together. You did what you could in your time, you did awesome. It’s probably thanks to you that everyone is here and able to complain about the outcome at all. Your time is no more, you can let it go, leave it to another person you trust to handle the rest. Leave it to everyone to work for their own History. Your doing was yours at first but it now belongs to everyone who had to put up with the consequences. »

« … But my duty… »

« Everyone has the right to retire eventually. Everyone. It is the law. »

The elf arched his spine forward, closing his eyes. « The law. » He snorted. Was there a law for anyone like him ? Would he have to obey the ancient laws or the new ones ? Which ? He had been a rebel to all times, laws were nothing to him either way. Laws were the tool of the powerful to have everyone cater to their desires. He hated it.

« You can rest now. Well done. » She laid a hand on his wide, bent back.

The was almost a piercing noise of crystal falling apart. He leaned until his head would nest on her body and then he stopped moving. He stopped breathing. A left hand came to his eyes and heat to his whole face. He struggled to keep himself together, in vain, it was no use. Solas fell in pieces all over the floor.

« How can I… ever be forgiven… »

Nellie circled his head with her arms,

« It’s going to be alright. You are free now. »

and he circled her back with his. Unraveling. It broke her heart, she felt it, the pain, biting her guts. How had he been able to take on so much, for so long ? It was out of the world. After a little while, she sat over his lap and hugged him tighter. She rewinded all of their talks and it stoke as obvious he had always been a very good person.

Ar lasa mala revas.

He cried into her for a very long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nuuuhhhh :'c


	26. Influence

By the time he was finally done crying himself out, Solas was exhausted, heart bare, spirit raw. He could not believe what had just happened. He was still curled up against the Nellie girl, arms numb by the sides. It felt like waking up off another Uthenera, one he had not been ever aware of. He was suddenly at the biggest, deepest helplessness, all his plans canceled in his mind. Could he truly just set everything aside, could he truly give up on everything, was he actually allowed any respite ? He was appalled that it had been so easy to talk him out of it. As if he’d been waiting for these words all along. For someone’s permission. Off all things, the fact that it came from this one girl was… It was taking him apart. How could beings capable of compassion be responsible for such serious harm otherwise ? Was that a tactic ? Was she sent by her people to trick him into inaction.

Ha.

He would probably never know. He sighed deeply. She was right. His time was long passed. He realized on seeing the sentinels, there was no place for them out there, within Thedas. It was over, forever. Putting magic back together probably wouldn’t do much, the surviving modern elves would grow stronger which was excellent in itself, but they would never get to repeat history, not to that extent he’d wish for. The present belonged to them, and he, Solas, belonged to the distant past.

Now he would need to find someone to pass the cursed torch on to. His thoughts went to the lady Cassandra Pentaghast. She was righteous, determined, she was taking no shit, she knew how to get things done and how to reach out for help. She had all the qualities he lacked, his own tremendous power was the only missing part of the painting. But they could gather all the mages and templars as they intended to do for the breach, they could work something out, probably. Most of all they could share knowledge, one thousand minds would always top his lone ancient one, he was not enough of a fool not to realize this.

He had never expected

it to come as such a relief.

Solas slowly slipped away from the embrace. Eyes closed, shoulders crushed, he bent back and onto the wall. What was he going to do with his life now. What was he going to be if not the tortured saviour.

He didn’t want to confront the Seeker after what happened at Haven and his inability to do better.

He started laughing, hollow. « To think it would take a human from a faraway place to bring an end to this eternal madness. »

She smiled to him. « I’m glad I was able to do anything at all... » She moved to the cushion and crossed her legs. « So… What’s next ? »

« I have no idea. »

« May I ask for a favor then ? There is someone in Jader… »

* * *

Soon it was night again. Ever since the earlier breakdown, time felt as if it had stopped. Something had changed in that huge manner, even she could feel it. She had become so very invested in this story, she was glad she had ever started playing Dragon Age at all. Solas, on the other hand, had tagged along all day, only disappearing for a few minutes and coming right back to her. He was lost. She had broken everything he had built within overtime, he was new, and it was her responsibility to accompany his soul to the right, final place : long deserved peace. Honestly, that was a bit overwhelming. She could barely handle herself, so adding someone else with a huge history in… That was too much, she was terrified of screwing it up, of screwing him up. Suddenly, tears would come, as she remembered the tragedy that his life had been. She could only imagine the weigh of countless death tearing his mind apart.

An ominous feeling crept in as she was falling asleep.

On the other side, she was tied down to a chair.

« YOU. »

Flemeth.

« What did you **do** to **my** wolf ? »

« You mean Solas ? » She recalled seeing him turning her into stone. There was history between them. As much as she could feel Solas’ pain, this woman, she never ever trusted. « I cannot remember you ever taking interest in men ? »

« So you do know me, this makes things easier. » She went to her. « Little worm from the other side, don’t you dare leading him astray from me. »

« What are you, his owner ? People are not pets. » Ever since she’d killed her in Origins, the woman was painted as the biggest NOPE to her. Why did she always end up coming back ? What was she trying to do ? Because there _was_ something. Definitely.

Flemeth hummed. « You talk big but made him yours all the same. Child, you have no idea of what you have just done. Hearts are not a thing to be swayed with little care for the consequences. »

« And who is saying this right now ? » This was switching her buttons. « You bring nothing but sorrow. »

« Do look in the mirror before trying to insult. You ruined a perfectly refined resolve with your self-indulgent pieces of garbage your kind calls self care. One cannot care for themselves by endlessly running away from responsibilities. One cannot run forever, the past always follow, it follows until it catches you back, and it makes you drown in its embrace, you suffocate and you die. You die for your sins. The Dread Wolf cannot escape his fate, it is way too late now. You can only lure him away for so long. What do you intend to do with him ? You who do not even know what to do with yourself. You who do not even remember why you are here at all. »

She jolted. « Wait, you do know why I’m here ? »

« It matters not that you forgot. Everything is the same in the end. I shall retrieve my due, do not dare getting in the way any further, I will not be so lenient next time. It is your final warning. »

« Wha- »

Her eyes opened to the waking world as she had been thrown out of her own dreams.

Meanwhile, in his own piece of the fade, Solas was sitting by a cliff, contemplating his past, contemplating the Veil, contemplating the new futures opening. Maybe, just maybe, he had not to be the one to take care of every single thing. Perhaps, just perhaps, the girl had been right. Pretty convincing she had been, if anything. This had been the most reassuring thing he had ever been told.

« I am ready, my friend. Prepared and waiting. When shall the due time be ? »

Flemeth. A chill went through his spine, clawing his skin.

« I do not yet know. I need more time to recover the power, the orb is very trying on my spirit for now. I need to wait for it to fully retrieve the memories. »

« Very well. »

They stayed silent for a little bit.

« Is this hesitation that I sense ? I only hope you will not back down on us at the last moment. You cannot betray us, not after everything we did for you. Fen’harel, the People needs you, as it always did. Don’t you ever forget. »

It was like a poisoned arrow right into his lung. He wrinkled his brow in pain.

« I shall come back. Remember our heart and do well. » She disappeared.

Solas sighed heavily. Flemeth had always been torture, but this, right now… He couldn’t. He put his hands on his face and inhaled, knowing sleeping would be starting to become quite nerve-racking.

* * *

« Hey. »

« Good morning. »

The two found their ways back to each other. The elf seemed dark and preoccupied. _Did the witch go to him too ?_ She did say she would. He rubbed his forehead in discomfort. Headache.

« Are you okay ? »

« It seems there is no easy way out of this. » He sideglanced to her, seemingly waiting for hints.

Oh boy. She was so bad at handling people. What should she do. She averted her eyes in embarrassment.

« You… Er… You can allow you days off for a start, days when you stop worrying altogether. It’s easier said than done I know all too well. But you just… Offer yourself actual vacations. Have you ever had any of these ? I doubt so. »

He stared at her in confusion.

« Exactly, you haven’t. So you start with this, you cut all the communication to whatever is keeping you down and you… Relax. As much as you can. I would say one way would be taking a stroll, reading something, any distraction is valid. »

He nodded. « I see. Is this a spiritual technique from your land ? »

« … Kind of ? Actually… I think it applies as one ? »

« So, where do you want to go ? »

« ? »

« On vacation. »

* * *

_Bring me to your favourite place !_

They arrived in the afternoon to an ocean of yellow and purple flowers basking in the full, warm sun. The sky was spotless and the air so very fresh. It felt rejunevating.

« Is it here ? »

« Not yet. » Her eagerness made him smirk. Crestwood looked lovely with its underwater rift closed. It felt whole and right. He dragged his companion by the mountains, hanging by his arm, wind making her hair fly in a most annoying fashion, it kept finding its way to her face, tickling.

At some point, he pitied the poor girl and picked an elroot sprout to tie the angry monster to the side. It made her giggle. « Thank you ! I thought I was going to _eat_ it. »

« This wouldn’t be wise, leth- » It slipped, and he couldn’t catch himself before it was said. It came as a shock to him and endearing to her. It pinched his heart in shame.

It had felt like a nickname, and he had reacted like a kid calling their teacher ‘mom’. The girl was very mooved, she couldn’t refrain from smiling shyly. « Hey… It’s alright. You are allowed to have friends now. You are allowed to enjoy things. This is not being selfish or anything. »

« What else could it be… »

« You are alive and you are your own person, Solas. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You remember the talk about freedom ? It applies to you too. »

He grew distant. « To hear this from someone who plays the games... »

« I’ve yet to fully grasp what that implies… I don’t really believe it is possible for the games and your reality to be directly connected ? Like, both could exist separately ? I am sorry, I have no way to explain. Everything is very strange and confusing… I’ve never heard about technology that would allow this to happen in any way. That’s why I assumed I had to be dead at first, but… Ha, I don’t know at all. »

He frowned. Flemeth had confirmed it so there was not much question for him, but maybe she was… somewhat innocent ?

« But !! » She added « You’ve reached the end of the last game in store, so everything from now on does belong to you without doubt ! »

« Hm. Is there not a new game in the making ? Are they going to stop now ? »

« ...They haven’t announced anything in years, so… »

He decided on not to take this for granted nonetheless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is getting very difficult to write, I'm very slow and struggling for progress


	27. Decision

« Here it is, my favourite place of all modern Thedas. »

It was an open-air cave. It had giant hall statues covered in vines, a pond by a tiny waterfall, murals and millions of little clovers.

« Uwa » _So cute._ Nellie loved it, she took a moment to stare at all the things the cave sheltered.

« The Veil is thin here. Can you feel it on your skin, tingling ? »

« Is this your special nap spot ? It’s so relaxing. »

« Yes, you did tell me to try to relax, I then figured I had to come back to this place. »

She nodded. « Good choice. » She looked at her skin, bristling. « Was not the Veil floating in the sky or something ? »

« The Veil is everywhere, it is a vibration that covers the whole of existence. Sometimes it is strong and it repels you away, some other times it is weak, like here, and it lets you dip your toe through. »

She tried to imagine it. « Does falling rain… cross the Veil before it touches things ? »

« It is more complicated than that. »

Wavelenghts were out of her grasp, she gave up on the science and simply rolled with the ‘veil – everywhere’. She went to a stone and sat down. « Does this mean we could have fade stuff here ? »

« Ha… Probably, but I’d rather not. The waking side is so deprived of magic it can corrupt the essence of spirits on impact. »

« Oh no... » Something came to her. « If the Veil needs to be cast down eventually it will hurt all of them ? That’s awful. »

« I cannot come up with any way to prevent it… I hope someone does. No one seems to care about them, the Chantry regards them as little more than litter, the mages as either enemies or disposable ressource. »

Gloom fell on the cave.

« Okay, » said the girl, « that’s enough thinking about work for today. Remember : va-ca-tions. »

« Are you really sure about this ? »

« Maximum sure. Now, let’s see, you could lie down and listen to the waterfall tinkling, the wind in branches and little birdies chirping. How about it ? »

He lay over the clovers a bit reluctantly. The weather was nice, the sunlight reflections sparkling over the walls like stars. Nothing existed here besides both of them. He felt good and pointless. His face betrayed his thoughts and let the girl know he was not doing it right.

« Close your eyes maybe ? »

It was hard. His mind wouldn’t stop harrassing him. It was partly his fault as he had cultivated the habit for so damn long. He couldn’t put himself to sleep either as the thought of Flemeth possibly watching over him from the Fade was making him all the more anxious.

This place was precious to him, because it made him feel at home. Home had been a long lost concept to him. What was it like again ? He couldn’t not remember anything. There were colors, a faint green, a dim hue of wonder, and magic stroking your cheeks. Home had purpose to it, it was the place that nurtured the soul, the place you went to when seeking recovery.

Recovery.

Was it what this girl had been trying to offer ?

Before she could tuck her coat over him, he sat back up in a blink.

[ **HELP** ]

She muffled a surprised cry as they almost collided.

« I have to go. » He stated, fixing the horizon.

« What ? But the vacations ! »

« There is no time. I apologize for the trouble. »

He stood up and left quickly, wide steps, almost running. She struggled to follow. He noticed, took her hand and had both of them fade-step into the mirror.

« Where are we going ?? »

« The Dales. »

He had no time nor brain space to think about dropping her by the headquarters. They both went straight there. The Exalted Plains.

« Is this… the Dales ? » Nellie stared at her surroundings in shock. It was only burnt trees, all the way into the remote skyline.

« This is Orlais, land of the Chantry, land of the Game. The elves will never belong here. This way. »

He vanished from hill to hill, through hundreds of ashy, crumbling trunks. There was nothing left here. There were no signs of life. One lost halla could appear every now and then, trying to munch sadly on the yellow dried grass. One last river and a magical light blinded her sight away. He dropped her hand. It was there.

« What do you think you’re doing ? »

Five mages were surrounding a shining circle on the ground. « Step back, elf, this is dangerous. »

« Stop this at once. » He answered, rage boiling. « Do not make me repeat. »

« If we stop now it is going to fail ! Now go mind your own business if you please. »

He minded his right arm in some fine punching business. Right into their faces. He obliterated the first dude.

« Shall I continue or have I got your full attention yet, you fucking clueless idiots. »

Two of them screamed and fell over. One raised a barrier and another tried to attack him. He deflected it easily.

« You. Stop. Now. » The elf growled in last threat. They ran away.

There was silence while he broke the magic circle in pieces, he punched it all down in fury. At some point, there was blood dripping from him. Nellie catched his hand in terror. « Stop ! » He threw a hatred glare at her, she shivered but endured : « It’s… It’s over right ? It’s okay now. Right ? »

He retrieved his arm, in annoyance. « They have not learnt anything. They are going to do it again, later, where I won’t be there to stop them anymore. »

« Stop them from what ? » She was confused, this outburst of violence felt out of place, there had to be a reason !

« From torturing a spirit ! »

_Oh no_

« ...Are… they okay ? The spirit. »

« My friend has gone silent. I have to check on her. Please watch over my body and do wake me up if anything happens. » He fell on his face and instantly into the Fade.

She stared at him lightly snoring in disbelief. That was… a pretty convincing napping skill here at play.

* * *

Solas ran through the green fade mist, he bypassed the demons drawn to the interference and he jumped at the struggling glowy form. The nasty magic was still lingering there, molesting her. She granted him a panicked look when he finally arrived to the location. He took her in his arms and squeezed tightly.

« It’s alright, I made them go. »

« You came... » She squeezed back. « Thank you. I thought they were going to rip me apart. »

He whimpered. « If only I could find a way to end this for good. »

Both of them took some time to breathe and calm down. The last torn pieces of Wisdom came back to her slowly and made her whole again. It came as a relief. « I wish we could have reunited under better circumstances… Let me take a look at you, you feel different. There is hope within you now, deeply burried, it is asking to grow. Why don’t you let it ? »

« I am confused again, I wish it was easier. I have been told recently that I might not be required to make a choice at all and… This is an alluring perspective for my old, old self. But I cannot abandon everyone either… Not with _such people_ » the mages he’d just recked « around, heavens only know what they could do to all of you. »

« Still, I agree with this soul who changed your heart. The people would have to deal with all of the trouble, whether you were still alive or not. It is their destiny, they have a right into it. »

« But their worldview… It is so different. They hate all of you and will make little case of your fate ! I cannot let this happen. »

« Whatever happens, we do not die so easily, remember ? As long as there are feelings, we shall reform from the very void and we will rise once again. »

« Are you willingly sacrificing yourself ? Our brethren ? »

« Our Brethren did a lot of wrongs to the world. It wll only be for the greater good. We have been expecting this outcome for a very long time. Right from the withdrawal of the dreams. We could wait even longer but it will change nothing. The People will do their best, just the way you did, and all shall be well eventually. »

Solas stared at the fade rocks. She put a hand over his head. « Still your heart, child. It can only take so much. Go now, she has been worrying greatly. »

« Thank you. » He whispered as the green hues faded away.

He opened his eyes. Nellie was right above him, watching the surroundings dutifully, distressed.

« I’m back. » _Ouch_. He glanced at his wrecked hand… It had a clumsy bandage wrapped all over it. This brought a broken smile to his lips.

«  **Ohmygod** What happened ? Are you alright ? »

« I am alright, thanks to you presumably. Did the mages come back ? »

« Nobody would ever return from that ! It’s suicide. »

He chuckled. « I might have made a strong impression, but it was to get the point across. » The hand hurt a lot. He had gone too far, most certainly. « They were binding one of my friend to the waking world, it would have killed her or worse. Thankfully we made it in time… Thanks to you I was able to hear her calls. »

He had a friend ! A spirit ! It was absolutely unsurprising but fascinating at the same time. He had spent so long in the Fade, it only made sense. Had they been friends all the way back from Arlathan ? She eased it down with the questionning, for now he was sweaty, wounded and still all worked up.

He panted a bit, his nerves were way too old for this crap.

« I... » He inhaled. « I will do it. What you said. I will do what you said. I’ll try. And… I will need your guidance. »

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [trying to make it half convincing]  
> ALL NEW FADED FOR HER ANGST AVERTED EVERYONE !!


End file.
